Sunday, April 15, 2007

Nostalgia

I am feeling nostalgic today. I found some music on itunes that I haven't listened to since I was 18. My first boyfriend gave me the "tape" and it makes me think of him and wonder how he is doing. It's the Neil Diamond cd of "the best years of out lives"

Is is bad to listen to music that brings back memories of someone else? I don't think so. I have no idea where he even is but I think he has 3 kids and used to live in Logan. Maybe still does.

He was the first boy I truly loved. I have only really loved 2 other boys beside Bry. Stephen was the first and he was trying to decide if he wanted to go an a mission. I really wanted him to go but when he came home, it was different. We both felt it. Sad.

I do still wonder how they are. Are they happy? Are they married still? I have met both their wives and kids but it was a long time ago.

The second boy was Jared. I met him on my mission. He was my zone leader and then my AP. Of course we never "did" anything about our feelings but he was one of my best friends there and when we came home, we dated. I really loved him and he was wonderful. Something just didn't feel right. We went to the temple to pray about it and I got an answer. It was terrible and painful and lonely. Jared wouldn't and couldn't talk to me anymore. I really broke his heart. To be honest, I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't followed those feelings with these 2 choice men. How would my life be different if I had married one of them instead of Bry.

I love being married to Bryan. He is a perfect match for me but I could have married either of those others and they would have made great husbands and fathers too.

Do you ever wonder if there are parallel universes where we did make those other choices? Have you ever read the book "One" by Richard Bach? That is what the story is about. Very interesting.

Anyways, I'm being too nostalgic. I better go!

4 comments:

Yolanda said...

I wanted to comment...but don't have time this minute...But I LOVE the topic...Be back later...

Maren said...

I've had lots of thoughts about this topic. Oh, the choices we make. I have been married once before and that was probably an example of *not* following the prompting. I knew it was wrong, but for some reason (I can't quite fathom) I went and did it anyway.

Besides Jeff, there was one other man that I truly loved. That was also my high school boyfriend. He is now married with three kids of his own. He joined the church, but wasn't ready to go on a mission. I went off to BYU, met my first husband and that was kind of that. I have wondered many a times, "what if". My life could've been so different.

I do believe though that Jeff and I were meant to be together. We feel very much like we've been together before. I guess I just had a lot of growing up to do before we could finally meet and get together. I am so glad that I am with him. I do wonder why I had to go through the years of bad choices and the fallout from that to get here and often wonder how things could've been different had I followed the spirit from high school on. I am just so grateful that I am here now. Thank goodness for 2nd (and 3rd and 4th) chances.

melissa c said...

That is how I feel. I followed the spirit and I that is all that really matters.

Charlotte said...

I remember that Neil Diamond tape. You used to play it in the the boombox at college ave. I loved that tape!