Thursday, August 31, 2006

My poor little baby is sick today. This happens every time he goes to the nursery at church. About 2 to 3 days later he gets sick.

Today, He has a deep cough, runny nose, high fever and I can tell he has a head ache. He has just lain in my bed all morning and pretty much cries all the time.

I am so irritated about it. We had a big camping trip planned for this long weekend and I doubt I will get to go unless a miracle happens.

I don't want to keep him with me at church either though. I might as well be inactive! Supposedly "someone" cleans everything but obviously not very well.

I thought about calling the nursery leader because she is a friend of mine. I want to let her know of my problem. She used to be the relief society pres. and I like her alot.

Anyway. The joys of parenting. The next obstacle. My 10 yr old J. came home yesterday to tell me about some boys on the bus who bully him. They took his backpack and water bottle and wouldn't give them back and then threw them in the garbage at the back of the bus. He was bullied last year by these boys. I called the one's dad that I knew. These boys are also in my webelos pack. I am tempted to talk about bullies, what it is, how it hurts etc today in scouts.... I haven't decided. It makes me so angry. Granted, J. is very sensitive and gets his feelings hurt easily but I don't get it. What is it that draws the wolves? It's not like J is a weakling. He loves sports, is very confident. Wants to be in every talent show, enter every contest and science fair and is very outgoing. He's definately a yellow. He loves sports and is not shy. He loves to participate and just want friends that love him as much as he loves them.

It's hard to see your children hurt and I am well aware that the trials will mold his character but I wish I could shelter him from it. I'm going to nip it in the bud this year though. Half of these boys are in my ward and come over for scouts as polite as you please. It makes me want to smack 'em! See my violent nature? I don't think their parents know how their children behave.

Last year J made a girl his age on the bus cry. Her mom called me and I made him use his money to buy her a present at the store. We went to her house to give it to her and he apologized and promised never to make her feel bad again. He, of course, was mortified and embarrassed. It was actually a girl he really liked. Kids can be so stupid. I know in their minds it's "harmless" teasing but some kids come home and cry. I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT! I have no patience for teasing and teasers.

Am I being over dramatic? Possibly, but I don't think so. Kids who are allowed to tease when their are young, think there is nothing wrong with it when they are older. In my mind it is just another form of abuse.

Monday, August 28, 2006

A look back

I love it when everyone climbs in bed together in the morning. It is something I used to do with my parents and so many good conversations stemmed from it.

Sometimes I sit back and think about my kids' childhoods. Is their's as good as mine? I do have some memories I wish were different but for the most part, It was wonderful.

I know I was loved. I laughed alot. I knew my parents loved me. Holidays were filled with happy memories and great food.

It was always my job as a kid to make the popcorn every Sunday for Shirly Temple time. We also watched Disney every Sunday. At least I did. I don't know about the rest of the fam.

I used to put baggies on my dolls with rubber bands around the ankles for snow boots. My little sister and I would throw them into the snow drifts and then go hunting for them. We each had 5 children. One of mine was an elephant and one of hers was a monkey. I also had My friend Mandy, Suzie Sunshine, A baby, Aurthur the elephant and one other I can't remember now.

I loved my 4th grade teacher Miss Anderson. I was so scared and she actually kissed me on the cheek on the first day of school and I was devoted ever since. She came to all my piano recitals and she made me feel smart and important. That kiss would never go over now days.

I wish I could be a fly on the wall and go through the day with my children. See what they see. Feel what they feel. What are they experiencing when I am not there? Are they always going to want to get in bed with me in the morning? I pray they will.

I have started a new tradition in our home. Every night, When I tuck the kids in bed, I lay with them for the number of minutes as their age. So with J, I lay and talk with him for 10 min. with S for 7, with H for 4 and Gabe gets 2.

It has turned out to be a wonderful experience where we get to really talk privately with no inturruptions. I get to know each of them in a different way than during the busy day. It is something that is hard for me just a little because I have to sacrifice my favorite tv shows in the evening. Yes, I admit it. I am addicted to tv. Anyway, this helps and makes some great memories. Thank you S (my sister) for the idea. You have made a difference in our lives.

May all of you make a new change that allows you to grow closer to your families. It is something you will not regret.

Friday, August 25, 2006

That's my man!

Man I love this guy! He is such a great dad, a great provider, hard worker, and great lover!

I can't believe how many women are frusterated with their husbands lately.

I think every one of my close friends is ready to beat somebody! One friend's husband is never home. He works constantly. No, that's all the husbands of my friends who are having trouble. Could this be the common denominator?

My one friend's anniversary is today. She called to cancel baby sitting at the last minute because they had had a huge fight about him needing to be at some stupid football game. He is a coach but doesn't coach the varsity team but is supposed to be there anyway.

As is works out, he's not going to it and is taking her out after all. Another guy I know leaves by 8 in the morning at gets home at 10 at night almost everyday of the week.

Man after man. My husband is not too different where work comes in. The one difference with him that I see is that he is very obedient when I put my foot down! He is a white, if that tells you anything! If I tell him he better be home, he usually is!

Most other women are not so lucky. I don't think men are really aware how hurtful it is when they blow off birthdays and anniversaries.

My husband did that once on our 10th and in fear for his life will never let it happen again! Why do they think that we would rather have them working 24/7? It's a mystery!

I truly pray for our marriages. I do believe that Satan is working to destroy them. I mean, why not? Once that is gone, the rest falls in to place! His job is so much easier!

Most people believe in a God of some sort. I have noticed that most don't believe in Satan or feel silly talking about one (or him). That is his best tool. But he believes in God and he believes in you!

Forgive and forget. I know that is so hard but our men have such great qualities. Like a willingness to work for example!!! Ha!!!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

the kid next door

I want to start out by saying how proud I am of my kids. I am a pretty strict mom and feel a little guilty sometimes but I look at them and am amazed!

My kids know how to work. They have 2 or 3 jobs every day and they are only 10 and 7 and 4. Well, the youngest doesn't do much yet.

Just today my 7 year old vacuumed the whole upstairs, unloaded the dishwasher, gathered eggs, and picked up dog poop. (supposedly)

It sounds like alot, but then, if kids are busy, they don't get into trouble.

We have a little neighbor boy who lives next door. For 4 years he has played with S (the 7 yr old) and we noticed immediately that our child started to behave badly.

I feel sorry for the neighbor because he is an only child, he is home schooled and really doesn't have any friends who like him.

I thought I could help him and teach him here but it is not working out that way. Just the other day, we were getting ready to take our entries to the fair grounds. S had made a lego helicopter to enter and the neighbor wanted to play with it. I had told S to put it up so it didn't break since we were almost ready to go. Neighbor kept asking for it. I had said no to S more than once. Then, right in front of me, neighbor says to S, "you should tell your mom that it is your decision". I turned around and said, loudly, "How dare you teach S. to talk back to me or to disobey. When I say no, it's NO". He then said to me, "well, at my house, my mom lets me make my own choices." I almost said that maybe she shouldn't do that any more! But I didn't because he would repeat it to his mom who already has issues about what people think of her child.

I don't want S to play with him any more. I am so tired of having to sit down with S and talk about his rude behavior. I don't want to cause problems with his mom because we are friends and it would be REALLY awkward if they know how I really felt. But damn, this kid needs to learn some manners! I have hundreds of stories like this with this boy and now, well, I'm done.

Any advice from anyone more tactful than me?

Monday, August 21, 2006

Thank you all so much for cheering me on! It means so much to me! I love all the support I feel here on our little network of friends. But I have decided not to do the race on Saturday. I really want to and I am not giving up, I just know I am not ready. I am only running a mile right now and when I do more, I wake up the next day with feet that hurt. I think I just need to take it slow.

My goals still include running. In fact, I want to run a marathon some day if I can just keep going, working out and trying to get my body as strong as I can, I believe it will happen. I also know from experience that I shouldn't bite off more than I can chew. I regret it every time. I admit that I feel so jealous of these people I know that can run and have no pain and can train everyday and progress quickly. Some days I just want to cry at the unfairness and yet, who ever said life would be fair? It's not ever going to be, nor is it supposed to be.

It's these trials that we overcome that make us stronger, better people. I KNOW that because of my struggles with fitness, that once I am there, I will be able to sympathize and help others who are where I was. I know I am going through this frusteration for a reason. I am not sure what it is but I know it's got to be there!! I don't believe we go through what we do for nothing. I also don't believe that life has to always be hard. God wants us to be happy and healthy and to raise happy, healthy kids. I guess it's all about attitude. When the waves come do you give up and quit bailing? Or do you yell at the wind, "DO YOUR WORST!!" I hope you are all the latter. I hope I am too!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

a glutton for punishment

I was sitting on the couch last night reading the schedual for the county fair and right there in front of me was the advertisment for a 5k race. It's even free if you register before hand. I sat there frozen. I didn't know they had a 5k for the fair. B looked over and says "you aught to do that." I'm like, are you kidding? Just sitting there, looking at it makes my heart start to race. My breathing speeds up, my blood pressure rises! This is something I DO want to do but it scares me to death because in July, I almost finished last and that was embarrassing. Plus I have been only going a mile at a time while I try to get my foot better, which it is better but 3 MILES!!! I don'tknow if I can do it!

I called my running friends who are now running almost 5 miles at a time to tell them about it and see if they want to do it. OF COURSE they do so we will all do it together except for the fact that they will be leaving me in their dust within the first 5 seconds. I know I can do this I just want to do it well. I hate feeling like a cow crawling over the finish line at the end. I will do a trial run this morning of a 1 1/2 miles to see how I do and if I can go a little faster. I am so excited! Yet soooooo nervous. I wish B would run with me but he won't. Surprise, surprise.

Friday, August 11, 2006

It's Free Friday once again and I took advantage of it! I slept on my feather bed for the second time and let me just say, it is delicious! It is the most snuggly experience! I LOVE IT!

I slept in and the kids just watched tv in the other room and I watched "big mama's house". I thought it was very funny! Then I soaked in the tub with my baby and read a good book. Then we layed around and wasted more time on the big feather bed! Did I mention I love it, and that so does everyone else.

I did take the time to cut the boys hair and trim H's hair which I really should have had done by someone else. I have been trying to grow her hair out for 2 years and it was terrifying to see it get shorter and shorter as I tried to make it straight. Her hair is about chin length and very straight on top and curly underneath! I finally gave up! She probably lost an inch in the endeavor! Ah well, we try.

We then watched Oprah and I love that woman! She had a little boy on today who's father stabbed his mother to death and then the boy himself. The little boy then said on national tv that the angels held him up so he could call 911. Then when his father came back, the angels told him to play dead which he did and it saved his life. The police came, saved him and he had been stabbed 6 times! His mother was dead and his dad only gets 25 years in prison. The boy was 8 at the time and now lives with his aunt and auncle. Natrually, I bawled clear through it. What a powerful experience for that boy. I am sure the angels came for that little girl who was killed a couple of weeks ago too.

I think the angels are ALWAYS there with us and that we only get to see them in times of accute stress or emergency. Especially for children. It makes me so grateful for days like today when we just hang out together and do nothing but cuddle, eat, and cuddle some more!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I have decided to go back to school. It's a huge step for me but you all know from past blogs that I have been trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life for a while now.

It hasn't been like a sense of urgency necessarily but I have had a strong feeling to get it done. The problem is, I don't want to go into the same thing as I did 12 years ago.! I really feel like I need something that would take care of my family if something happend to my husband. I hope it's not some kind of premonition but that is what it almost feels like.

Now, when I tell you what I have settled on you are going to think I am insane. In fact, if you had come to me a year ago and told me that this is what I would choose to go back to school for, I would have said," Get thee hense, Satan!"

I want to teach high school english and history! Yep. It's true. I know teachers don't make tons but.... I would be home with my kids when they are home. We would have the same holidays off, I would have good insurance, (at least better than I have now), Holidays off, summers off, and I could be home when I want to be, with them. I thought about a medical field but I don't want 10 to 12 hour shifts, people telling me to work nights or weekends or holidays or possibly, accidentally, killing someone (minor detail).

Plus, I want to teach kids that areold enough to try and really think! To delve into subjects and to have some really good discussions. I hated high school and if I can make it better for even a few kids, I would really feel good about that.

I am not in any hurry. I will take only a couple classes at a time while my three are in school. Then I will only have to find someone to watch my baby a couple times a week. I'll have to do my generals again since it has been so long but I don't mind. I would go to school for ever and be perfectly happy about it! I love school. My husband doesn't like that idea but I could do it!

I will probably start in the spring and I am very excited about it. I know there will be hard times and I am really afraid of going to all that work and then not liking it but I guess that is the risk you take with any job. Let me know what you think and if any of you out there do teach high school, I would love your imput and opinions.

Monday, August 07, 2006

New kid on the block!

I want to introduce a new gal "Tash" She's over there on my list of blogs I visit! She's the gal who makes such great jewelry! She is tons a fun, Loves life and Loves people! Give her site a look see. You'll enjoy it!

Let's all give a warm welcome to TASH!!!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

We had the most wonderful ward campout. There was a small stream that all the kids played in, tons of food that the ward provided, volleyball games which I participated in and I have to admit, I am pretty terrible at volleyball. I made so many close friends just doing that. Movie night was alot of fun. We watched "Suits on the looses" and they had a popcorn machine brought up and so we all watached the movie out under the stars and ate popcorn! SO FUN! Except the part at the end of the movie when my 4 year old daughter who had fallen asleep on my lap wet her pants! On me!

The other notable experience I had was that night in the middle of the night when I got up to use our little portable toilet. The lid was down and I didn't know it. I'll leave the rest to your imaginations! Needless to say, I have alot of stinky laudry to wash!

I am so grateful to the Gospel in that I have so many close friends that I would never have if it weren't for it. We are busy women and without the obligation of Sunday meetings and activities, what motivation would I have to know so many different women? Even this blog stems from it. There are a few women who are much older, in their 60's 70's and 80's who I am very close to. Like sisters really, where age doesn't exist. I love it and in my normal, everyday life, I wouldn't have it without the gospel. God is so smart in that he knows we need that. Even as adults, it is so important to have close girl friends! The ward campouts give us the time to actually play together!

I had an air matress that was empty by morning but that didn't matter. It was so fun and relaxing. Those who didn't go really did miss out. They lost an experience that could have changed their lives. I mean in the new friendships they could have made or the closeness that could have come with those they already know. Oh well.

Back to normal life. School is almost here and we'd better get to having fun for the next 3 weeks! See ya all latah!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

I had an interresting experience this morning. I was chatting with Heavenly Father and basically begging him to heal me and that is it such a small thing I am asking and why won't he just do it etc....? When I got a real distinct message from him. I was told very clearly that I am being very selfish and only thinking of myself and that if I lost myself in service to others I would get better faster. Now I don't know who is in charge of passing on messages to me but who ever they are, they are extremely blunt. It must be my grandmother on my dad's side.

I prefer to be delt delt with in a more loving, patient manner. Would it hurt to be coddled just a little bit? I realize it is a pretty obvious thing that most of you could have pointed out to me already but hey, I needed this lesson in this way. Sometimes you have to be smacked across the face (spiritually speaking) to get the message. Are any of you out there like that?

Well, today is our ward campout and I have lots to do so I'll see you all later! Happy prayers to you!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

It's Wednesday afternoon and I am sitting here after paying my bills trying to decide what to write about. Some of my sisters now read my blog and I am sorry to say I don't exactly write like I want to anymore because of it. Some things you just want to keep to yourself. I miss being anonymous.

Anyway, I am feeling a little sad that the summer vacation is almost over. There are only 3 weeks left although i am excited for the busy, back to school fun that awaits. I love school shopping and buying pencils and notebooks and new shoes. I am so glad I can feel this way now for my kids and make it fun because I used to hate it! I DREADED a new school year when I was young.

I would like to go back to school now but back then it was torture. I never felt smart enough. I want my kids to have a totally different attitude and I think they do. Maybe it is the break from their mother that they like! I love all the activities they get to participate in and the new friends they will make. It will just be my baby and me most of the day. I can't wait!

I am trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up! The kids will soon all be in school and I want to do something new. Whether it's getting a job or going back to school I don't know but it is fun to think about now.

I ran on the treadmill for the first time in ages. I have gone through a really rough discouragement period with my running. Worse than any of the other times. I saw a friend at church on Sunday who started running this spring and she looks so good and is running almost 5 miles. I am so tired of hurting and never being able to progress. It's so hard seeing my friends pass me by in their efforts to exercize and lose weight. It's not like I am not trying. Maybe I am trying too hard. I only ran a mile this morning and as far as endurance goes I do fine but my foot hurt only a little. I think maybe I will just do a little where before I was always pushing myself to go faster or farther or longer. Maybe a mile a day is OK. I am trying to stay positive about it but damn, I am ready to throw in the towel.

So many people take advantage of their healthy bodies and don't realize what potential they have and what they could be doing with it and just letting it go to waste. One of these days they'll wake up and wish they'd started good habits a long time ago. Poor me. I think I'll go eat worms.