Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Close Call

I can't believe it is over already! I hate it when Christmas ends! It's a day you plan for and wait for for so long and it is gone in the blink of an eye. I love the planning and shopping for my kids.

On Christmas eve after all the kids were in bed and santa had come, I was laying there in that place where you are almost asleep and all of a sudden I heard this voice in my head. "Remember Galdalf." I sat up in bed and said "OH sh--" ( I wont say it now because it might offend sesitive ears.) B. sat up and asked what was wrong and I realized I had not put out all the presents I had gotten for the kids.

I had hid all the santa gifts in an old van in the backyard that is a good for nothing piece of crap that my husband wont get rid of. Anyway, I went out there in the dark all by myself and sure enough, there were 3 more bags under the tarp that we had missed! One of which was a Galdalf doll with the sword and staff and everything! No wonder it hadn't looked like much when I had set it all up!!! How terrible it would have been. There were a few crucial gifts in those bags! I had even asked B at the time we got it all out, "Are you sure you have it all? Are you sure there aren't anymore bags?" He had said no. CLOSE CALL!!!

Anyway, the day turned out great! I love this time of year! I love to turn off all of the lights and have only candles and the tree lights on and sing carols. I love the spirit and hustle and bustle. I love to buy presents and have turkey dinner. I love the gospel and the happiness and peace it gives me in a world where nothing is ever certain. Thank you Heavenly Father for my wonderful life. May it continue until I am old enough to die in my sleep an old, happy woman. Well, I hope you all had a wonderful day too! See you all later.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

our adoption story

For those who wanted to know.....I was raised with extra kids in our home. My parents would take is strays for as long as they needed to stay. It wasn't through foster care but that is how it was, They were all teenagers. I think my parents were insane but that is another story.

I had three children of my own. I have terrible pregnancies where I throw up the entire time from morning until night. I never feel good and my body aches and it is pretty miserable. I had started to get baby hungry and my poor husband just didn't think he could live through another 10 monthes of self inflicted hell. The idea of foster care had been rolling around in our minds for a while but it scared us. We were afraid to bring in a child with alot of baggage because of the influence on our other children.

The feeling just would not go away. I felt it was the right thing to do. When our little family was sealed in the temple in 2004 the sealer said something that really hit me. He told us that because of what we were doing, we would have the ability to love other children as our own. I don't remeber the exact words but that is the jist of it. I felt that the reason I was here on earth was to be a mother. A mother to my own and to whoever God sent my way. That really was hard for me because I liked my freedom. I didn't want to be stuck home forever babysitting. That sounds harsh but I am being very honest. I prayed about it and Heavenly Father basically told me to quit being a baby and get to work.

We started the foster care classes. It is a rigorous workout. They make it that way to weed out the people doing it just for money. It was time consuming but worth it and we both knew that it was the right thing to do. I was called the first time about 2 little girls who it happens are the big sisters to Gabe. It didn't feel right to take them so I said no. I was called next about 2 twin baby boys who had alot of problems but they didn't feel right either. I started to wonder if I was just being chicken. Then in October of last year we got a call about a little baby boy who was 3 months old, whose mom had been put in jail for use and distribution of Meth. I emmediately knew this was right and I said yes without even discussing it with my husband. I went to the DCFS office and picked him up. It was like going to the store and picking out what I wanted and going home with it!!! I felt like a kid in a candy store. Gabe was beautiful and I emmediately fell in love.

He was very collicky so I changed his formula and he gained 3 pounds the first month I had him. After 2 weeks they told me they were going for reunification and I cried the rest of the day. Then I realized that I wasn't in this to adopt. I was here to help. So I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and went to work.

The first time I met the birthmom I tried to be very kind and friendly. I could tell she was uncomfortable and having a hard time. When that team meeting was over, she picked up Gabe to say goodbye and started crying. I had the impression to go over and put my arms around her. That thought alone shocked me because I didn't even her or how she would react. Well, I did it, I walked up , put my arms around her and the baby and cried too. I told her that I knew she could do it and that I would help her. That is how it started. She fell in love with me and we became as close as sisters. After she had earned him back in June, I got a call 3 weeks later from the case worker saying that R was overwhelmed and didn't feel she could ever give him what he needed or deserved. She wanted us to adopt him. I still remember the moment. I was in the driveway at the piano teachers house waiting for my son to come out. I started to cry I felt so bad for R. That same day I picked Gabe back up and I cried with R for a long time.

From there it's history. That is why it didn't seem weird that the birthmom was at the adoption. She is like a little sister. I am sure it was terrible for her but I have told her she can be as much a part of his life as she wants to be. I would never keep her away. That's the story. It is the easiest pregnancy I have ever had!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Too much drama

It's done! He's all mine! MINE! MINE! MINE! No one can take my baby away from me! It feels sooooo goood!!

It was one of those times where going to court is such a positive thing. The judge was so cool and everyone was happy and the feeling was light. The birth mom came which I am told is very unusual. We took pictures with her and with the judge and everyone else. It was happy. The boyfriend of the birth mom came with her. I said hi to him and was polite but didn't go out of my way to sit and talk with him. He just wasn't my focus. He was the legal father of G but no blood relation. anyway, right after court he must have gone home and told his mom something because when we got home there was a message on my machine telling me off and that she didn't know what they had ever done to us but that I had no right ot be so rude to her son. She went on and on, even swearing at me and saying it wasn't her sons fault that the birth mom gave up her baby and that her son would have raised him.
You know, I have never had a call like that. It is no wonder every one of her kids is really screwed up. I actually started to laugh and went and got my husband to listen to it too. We both laughed. It's entirely too much drama for me. Some people thrive on it though. They need a constant crisis to feel alive I guess. I am not going to respond to the call. I think that is what she wants. I really don't care. She is not even related and I really wouldn't mind never seeing her again. Is that bad or what?
I did just find our that the birth mom is about 16 weeks pregnant again. It is so very sad.
Well, see ya later!

Monday, December 12, 2005

a good day

It sure has been a while! I never seem to find the time lately to sit down at the computer just to enjoy myself. This time a year is so busy but I love it!

We had our first webelos meeting last week and I was soooo nervous! I just have never felt very creative but it turned out great the the boys loved it!

Our adoption will be final on Tuesday! I am so excited! G will be mine! ALL MINE!!! His birth mother can see him anytime but she doesn't get to take him. She lives in a world I just don't want my kids to be aprt of. I just found out that she is pregnant again. I don't know why I am so surprised. She has lost all three of her kids so far and I almost expect her to call me to adopt this new one! This life can be so hard for some. I just hope I can do G. justice and that I can be the mother he needs to grow up to be a great man. I have this feeling that that is his destiny and to fulfil it, he needs to grow in a healthy enviroment. Maybe that is what we all need. Ya think?

I have been able to start funning again. I do a 5 minute jog and a two minute walk for about a mile and a half. I don't want to over do it and cause a problem. I really want to be able to run! It feels soooo good! I want to run in the Moab 5k this march. that is the goal! It helps to have something to work for!

well, got to go! Love to you all!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

a few loves

I made the mistake the other night of watching "Gothica" right before bed. Normally, I love scary movies. I love scary books too. I went through all of Stephen Kings, and John Sauls a few years back. Anyway, Gothica is not the movie to watch in the dark! I had seen it before but man, it freaked me out! My husband finally told me that if I didn't quit jumping and screaming, he was going to turn it off. (he was already asleep, see) It was so fun though!
When B and I watch tv together, it is always on the history channel. I have to admit, since being married to B, I have been educated on all levels. I notice old cars now which I never used to. B is an upholterer and loves to re-do old cars. He's very good. I also know all of Hank williams and all their jr's, music too. Any old country music is common in our house. I now know how to take care of horses and all other animals pretty much and he even taught me how to do laundry when we were first married! How sick is that? He is a way better cook and I am always calling him at work to ask how to cook some particular thing. I love being married to someone smarter than me. Anyway, love that guy! Love nature and love cable tv!!!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

I'm back! I have been lazy in writing this week. I have a really hard time making myself get somethings done! I am trying to talk myself into getting on my tread mill right now. I am a little frusterated with it bcause it either bothers my back or gives me shin splints if my back is out! SO that means I will probably have to be a walker!

Well, I don't have much time. I just got dish network after three years of haveing fuzzy stations and I need to go watch tv! I think I have a new addiction now! Don't worry. I can quit anytime!