Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I'm leaving tomarrow morning for South Dakota! We are going to visit some relatives there for Thanksgiving. I am pretty excited. They live on 1000 acre sheep ranch and have horses and all sorts of fun stuff. It's about a 12 hour drive but we poan to stop and see the sight along the way back.
If I don't get a chnce to write while I am there, Have a happy Thanksgiving! Love to you all!

Monday, November 21, 2005

It's Monday morning and the beginning of a new week! I love it! I love Mondays. Sick as it sounds, but I am a stay at home mom and all I schedual on Mondays is to clean my house after an exciting weekend.

My two sisters and their husbands and kids came for the weekend and it was so much fun! They are my two younger sisters. One is from california and the other is from Farmington, Utah. 45 min away but they both slept over. We took our oldest boys to Harry Potter and the guys watched the "big game".

My sister S. and her husband have gotten into poker. They have a little poker set and wanted to teach us. Well, I like to play cards. We all play canasta, and Phase 10 and other games but I felt a little uncomfortable playing poker just because the prophet said not to. Well, of couse I did anyway, righteous girl that I am, it was fun but we didn't bet real money. we just played with the chips. My sister did want to put a little money in, like a dollor or something but I just couldn't do it. Now I don't think I was going to get addicted to poker any more than I am to "go fish" but I succomed to peer pressure. They all think I am a prude already, not that I really care but it was like 5 to 1 and I lost.

The next day I had my temple recommend interview! Is there anything in my conduct that I feel would make me unworthy to enter the house of the Lord? NOOOOOOO. Anyway, I told my bishop that that is the only thing I have been diobedient in lately! I did pass though and I have another ticket to heaven in my purse.

I love my family so much and I love how we have to learn tolerance for eachother when we have different beliefs! It would be so much easier if we all thought the same but this makes life so much more fun and exciting!

Thursday, November 17, 2005


I was just thinking about all the things I am grateful for in my life as I sat down to a computer that is working great today. I can't get over the miracle of a great neighbor who was willing to come over on his day off to work on my computer.
There is another thing I am grateful for and I will get to it in a minute. Let me explain first why I feel this way. Lately, I have been feeling, oh, I don'w know, it is hard to explain. I have felt impatient with my kids, frusterated and irritable. I felt down and angry at myself for not being able to control my temper, this in turn makes me feel like a bad wife and mother which leads to feeling depressed which leads to a messy house. Well, the other day, I was contiplating all of this and I realized, "Oh my gosh! It's November!" Every fall this happens to me. I get what some call "SAD". Some people don't even believe it is real. Just like they don't think PMS is real. Anyway, I used to take Celexa during the winter but this year I really wanted to be drug free. I exercize everyday, I eat really healthy, I try to feed my spirit with good things and yet, this fall, I still have these feelings, which was also depressing. I had vowed I would never use drugs like that again. I have a sister who is in to Scientology and we talk about it alot. Their theory is that antidepressants are just a bandaid and that you need to find the issue which is deeper, resolve it, and you won't have those sad feelings anymore. You know, I believe that too. I believe that the physical and mental are completely connected. I think we make ourselves sick and don't even realize it or why. In this case, I was thinking all this and then I thought, my kids need a happy mom NOW. They don't deserve to wait how ever long it takes me to figure out my psychosis!
I had a full bottle of Celexa in the cupboard that I never used or threw out so I took one. I felt it was the right thing to do. I felt the effect of it almost within a couple of hours. It seems to make me feel calm and I lose that irritation I feel at everything. I feel so good and at peace with with decision. My kids are even responding differently to me. They can tell I guess that I am not going to fly off the handle or something! I actually can let my self loose and play, where before, I don't know. Unless you have felt it, it is really hard to explain. To make this long story short. I am grateful for modern day drugs.
This is a subject that is really difficult for me to talk about or even admit to. It sometimes makes me feel like a failure as a woman to not be able to control my hormones at the snap of my fingers! I know this subject is controversial for some but this is my story today. Thanks for listening. Have a good one.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

small miracles

Thank heavens for small miracles! My computer wasn't working right still and I called the guy at the computer place and his suggestion was to completely reinstall windows. I would loose everything and have to start over.

I called Lisa to cry to her and her wonderful husband Paul, was home! He is a computer genious who should really start his own business in computers. He told me that it sounded like a lazy tech who didn't want to take the time to find the problem.

He came over and we went through a bunch of things to find the problem. It wasn't any of those things so he opened the computer, dusted the little parts and cleaned them with alcohol and made sure they were back in tight and turned it on. He put it through the ringer doing a fragmented thing a ma jigger to make sure it was working right and it is working great and faster than ever! I am so happy and I hope that this the end of it!
The thing that really makes me feel good is that I think of the perfect timing of it all. I can't be without my computer,and I can't lose all the info I have on it. My husband runs his business from this computer. The odds that Paul would be home on the very day I had to make this choice with my computer is slim to nothing!!! I believe Heavenly Father gave me a little gift to save me some real heartache. It makes me feel so good that something so cosmically small would be given to little insignificant me. Some people out there may say it was just coincidence and that I am looking for a connection to fuel my beliefs. That's fine. Maybe I am. I don't care what it is. It was a gift to me from someone today!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Well, the latest is this. I had to take my computer back AGAIN today to fix something they did to it while it was there that wasn't right! I could save alot a money if I just learned how to do it myself! I have tried but that is a whole nother story with a tragic ending!

Today is my sweet 10 year olds birthday! 10 Years!!! It is so hard to believe. He is so big and almost wears the same size shoes as me! He is the one in the picture with me on my blog but that was a couple of years ago!

He is so smart and confident and handsome! He talks, talks, talks, talks, talks all the time. It drives my husband crazy! But J is just like me! I totally relate to him. He is so yellow! Do you all know the color test? J just wants to play, play ,play all the time! I am a blue-yellow and know how he feels. I would much rather play first and if there is time, get my work done.

J gets good grades and loves science. I want to thank you for your ideas for help with his teachers. He has 2 teachers. I made up a progress report on the computer and I even called it a "Ninja Report". It has really helped and now we get homework done that before, I didn't even know he had! Yea! It is a real feeling of relief! He doesn't even mind it. At first he was worried that the other kids would notice and think less of him or something but his friends actually think it is cool! Another Yea!

Thank you all so much for your comments and help! I love you all.
Lisa, the guitarist is chris Norman's son in law who lives with them while they are building. I think they are building.

Monday, November 14, 2005

I'm back!

Finally! FINALLY! I have my coputer back!!!! It would not even turn on on Friday! I took it in and just got it back today! It is a terrible thing to be without my baby! Anyway, now I can pay bills! yea!

I am listening to my "KA" cd. I love it. The power of music is a wonderful thing! I turn on my music and all my kids gravitate to my room! They actually start dancing and bouncing around! I love that! I love how different music makes me want to run faster or slower. I love how it makes me depressed or happy or spiritual or whatever.
We have a classical guitarist in my ward. He teaches. He is fantastic. How beautiful it would be to have him play in sacrament meeting. I really bugs me that people like him are not allowed to share their talent because they don't use a bow. I love the guitar so I am partial to it. I have played since high school. I did take a classical guitar class once at the "U" but I never got very good at it. I mainly just accompany myself when I sing.
Well. Thats all for today folks! I need to pay bills now! Love to you all!

Monday, November 07, 2005

daily life

It's family night once again. My husband has been out of town since Wednesday on a hunting trip. I am a little hormonal and really wish I could just put all my kids to bed at 5:00pm. So what I actually do is pray really hard for the patience not to do anything rash and awful. The thought pops into my head to take my kids to Leatherby's for a fun night. Now mind you, I did grow up here in Utah and no, I have never been to Leatherby's. At least that I can remember.

We hopped in the car at a little after seven and are back by 8:00. It was just what I needed. It helped me to feel fun again when I was is such a crabby mood. I had the "Black and Tan". It's my brother's favorite. It was so good that it made me sick. Literally. I am not used to that much sugar! But it was to die for. I did not eat it alone thank heavens!

Anyway, the reason I was feeling so crabby was my 10 year old came in from school and handed me a math test with a minus 17!!!! No, I did NOT get mad at him. we proceeded to sit down and re-take the test together so I could show him where he had gone wrong. It was actually fun. From there, it was hard not to notice how terrible his hand writing was. I couldn't even read it half the time. So I asked him to practice a few rows of the alphabet. He was happy to. Then we practiced his name which is the worst (I did not say this to him by the way). By this time he was starting to get mad at the continuing penmanship practice and he got really rude to I told him that he could write an essay on being nice to his mom and sister who he had also yelled at. At the time it seemed fitting punishment! As I write this, I can see why he might have gotten tired of it. Maybe I went a little overboard but sometimes I feel like I have to correct things before they get too much worse. I can't believe he would be stuggling in math this way and I not know. Why couldn't his teacher tell me? Why do I NEVER see any homework assingments come home BEFORE the test? I feel like I need to call his teacher every day to see how he is really doing. I haven't done this and his real problem is that he just goes too fast. He picks it right up when we do it together. I don't know. I am very sensitive to this because I struggled all through school and never felt smart or did well on tests and I don't want my own kids to feel that way. It is so hard to know if you are doing things the right way for your kids.

Well, I really want to buy an ipod nano. I have been down loading all my music onto the computer. I am tired of running with my big old cd player. Anyone know where I can get one cheap? Right! well, thanks for listening. night everyone.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Takin' out the trash

I sat down just now to type a little on my blog and noticed how awful my computer desk looked. So I took a minute to organize it. Lots goes in the garbage, everything else I need gets tucked away nicely in it's spot. I love to organize. I love to find the perfect spot for each thing and I LOVE to throw crap in the garbage!

I can't even begin to explain how good it feels to fill up that garbage can and get rid of clutter that pollutes my world. It is alot like repentence. Sometimes we hang onto things that we think we can't possibly live without and yet it is those very things that clog up our lives and hold us back from feeling free of it.
It's funny how lits bits of notepaper that I am sure I will want someday have been messing up space for over 3 years! I knew I would never use it so in the trash it goes! Yesterday I went through my closet and filled a kitchen garbage bag for the DI. My hubby hates it when I get into one of these purges and goes around asking if I threw this or that away of his!
In my life, I love to get rid of my bad habits too but it is a little more difficult and more time consuming! It feels good that I seldom eat fast food, I almost never drink pop and when I do it is only a few sips. Once it was out of my system, to drink it again burns my throat and gives me gas! I try to exercize every day and I seldom eat white flour or sugar. Now I am not anal about not eating these things but my body has never felt better. I feel healthy and strong and energetic. Why did I wait until my thirties to clean out my life? I guess it is part of owning my choices. Now I am not saying these things to boast. I feel like it is a part of my testimony of the gospel. Not only do I love the Book of Mormon and believe in a modern day prophet but I have a testimony of the power you can receive in living a healthy life. Now healthy to one may be different than healthy to