Thursday, December 15, 2005

our adoption story

For those who wanted to know.....I was raised with extra kids in our home. My parents would take is strays for as long as they needed to stay. It wasn't through foster care but that is how it was, They were all teenagers. I think my parents were insane but that is another story.

I had three children of my own. I have terrible pregnancies where I throw up the entire time from morning until night. I never feel good and my body aches and it is pretty miserable. I had started to get baby hungry and my poor husband just didn't think he could live through another 10 monthes of self inflicted hell. The idea of foster care had been rolling around in our minds for a while but it scared us. We were afraid to bring in a child with alot of baggage because of the influence on our other children.

The feeling just would not go away. I felt it was the right thing to do. When our little family was sealed in the temple in 2004 the sealer said something that really hit me. He told us that because of what we were doing, we would have the ability to love other children as our own. I don't remeber the exact words but that is the jist of it. I felt that the reason I was here on earth was to be a mother. A mother to my own and to whoever God sent my way. That really was hard for me because I liked my freedom. I didn't want to be stuck home forever babysitting. That sounds harsh but I am being very honest. I prayed about it and Heavenly Father basically told me to quit being a baby and get to work.

We started the foster care classes. It is a rigorous workout. They make it that way to weed out the people doing it just for money. It was time consuming but worth it and we both knew that it was the right thing to do. I was called the first time about 2 little girls who it happens are the big sisters to Gabe. It didn't feel right to take them so I said no. I was called next about 2 twin baby boys who had alot of problems but they didn't feel right either. I started to wonder if I was just being chicken. Then in October of last year we got a call about a little baby boy who was 3 months old, whose mom had been put in jail for use and distribution of Meth. I emmediately knew this was right and I said yes without even discussing it with my husband. I went to the DCFS office and picked him up. It was like going to the store and picking out what I wanted and going home with it!!! I felt like a kid in a candy store. Gabe was beautiful and I emmediately fell in love.

He was very collicky so I changed his formula and he gained 3 pounds the first month I had him. After 2 weeks they told me they were going for reunification and I cried the rest of the day. Then I realized that I wasn't in this to adopt. I was here to help. So I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and went to work.

The first time I met the birthmom I tried to be very kind and friendly. I could tell she was uncomfortable and having a hard time. When that team meeting was over, she picked up Gabe to say goodbye and started crying. I had the impression to go over and put my arms around her. That thought alone shocked me because I didn't even her or how she would react. Well, I did it, I walked up , put my arms around her and the baby and cried too. I told her that I knew she could do it and that I would help her. That is how it started. She fell in love with me and we became as close as sisters. After she had earned him back in June, I got a call 3 weeks later from the case worker saying that R was overwhelmed and didn't feel she could ever give him what he needed or deserved. She wanted us to adopt him. I still remember the moment. I was in the driveway at the piano teachers house waiting for my son to come out. I started to cry I felt so bad for R. That same day I picked Gabe back up and I cried with R for a long time.

From there it's history. That is why it didn't seem weird that the birthmom was at the adoption. She is like a little sister. I am sure it was terrible for her but I have told her she can be as much a part of his life as she wants to be. I would never keep her away. That's the story. It is the easiest pregnancy I have ever had!


Anonymously Yours... said...

You are amazing!! You have also been truly blessed by HF to know when to heed the spirit, and then be blessed for doing so (even when it seemed hard). Even though it wasn't a pregnancy...I'm sure it would classify as being just as taxing, if not more emotional!! My husband and I have talked about fostering, too. (We have a sister-in-law who has fostered 4 children, and has ended up adopting all of them.) I am such a control freak, that I think it would be hard for me to develope feelings for a child, then have to give them back to the parent(s).
It's a beautiful story...Merry, MERRY Christmas!!

Island Queen said...

Thank you for sharing your story Melissa.

I'm so glad things worked out for you and your baby. Congratulations!!!

Ana said...

Beautiful story Melissa! And remember, from now on you have to say you have FOUR KIDS OF YOUR OWN!

We are considering fost-adopt for our next family-building adventure. Going to share your story with my husband. He needs to get inspired!

I recently unearthed my kids' adoption stories and now I am thinking I should post them on my blog. Just 'cause yours is so great!

Weeding the Garden said...

How absolutely wonderful!! What a great season to have this gift too. Congratulations!

Stephen said...

That is a great story.

Thanks for sharing it.

Lammy said...

What a beautiful story!!
This brings me hope and joy just reading about it.
We have 5 biological children that I adore...but alas---horrible pregnancies that in the end left my body falling apart...we opted to be done biolgically. We want to do what you are doing so bad.
Thanks for your inspiration!!