Thursday, August 24, 2006

the kid next door

I want to start out by saying how proud I am of my kids. I am a pretty strict mom and feel a little guilty sometimes but I look at them and am amazed!

My kids know how to work. They have 2 or 3 jobs every day and they are only 10 and 7 and 4. Well, the youngest doesn't do much yet.

Just today my 7 year old vacuumed the whole upstairs, unloaded the dishwasher, gathered eggs, and picked up dog poop. (supposedly)

It sounds like alot, but then, if kids are busy, they don't get into trouble.

We have a little neighbor boy who lives next door. For 4 years he has played with S (the 7 yr old) and we noticed immediately that our child started to behave badly.

I feel sorry for the neighbor because he is an only child, he is home schooled and really doesn't have any friends who like him.

I thought I could help him and teach him here but it is not working out that way. Just the other day, we were getting ready to take our entries to the fair grounds. S had made a lego helicopter to enter and the neighbor wanted to play with it. I had told S to put it up so it didn't break since we were almost ready to go. Neighbor kept asking for it. I had said no to S more than once. Then, right in front of me, neighbor says to S, "you should tell your mom that it is your decision". I turned around and said, loudly, "How dare you teach S. to talk back to me or to disobey. When I say no, it's NO". He then said to me, "well, at my house, my mom lets me make my own choices." I almost said that maybe she shouldn't do that any more! But I didn't because he would repeat it to his mom who already has issues about what people think of her child.

I don't want S to play with him any more. I am so tired of having to sit down with S and talk about his rude behavior. I don't want to cause problems with his mom because we are friends and it would be REALLY awkward if they know how I really felt. But damn, this kid needs to learn some manners! I have hundreds of stories like this with this boy and now, well, I'm done.

Any advice from anyone more tactful than me?


Lisa M. said...

My dear.

Your chilis are adorable.

I love them dearly. I think teaching them to work is a very good thing.

Since I know all parties involved, I think I can say, I agree with you.

Choices are good, but they have to be supervised choices, and not just do what you want when you want too. Though A doesn't realize I don't think, that he is teaching S those things, it is just bound to happen.

Having friends for your kids in this community is a challenge, because almost everywhere involves taking and picking up. Everything is so rural.

I feel for your plight.

You know, at one time, Hans had a very good friend that lived very close to us, when we lived in *town* (we lived in the house just east of teh park in H), and they would play togther all the time. I started noticing things about this kid that just rubbed me the wrong way. Then they got into trouble together at school.

Eventually I seperated them at home, and made sure they were seperated at school. I even asked (and got) two different scout leaders for them, because when they were together it was BAD news. When time came to send them to intermediate school, I sent Hans South, simply because this kid went North.

This kid, has been in jail, for four years now. He has attempted to kill some one and once, drew a knife on Hans at school (he was eventually kicked out of the north school and sent south, in less than a year)

I feel SO grateful that i listened to my instincts. With Hans issues, it is hard to limit social interaction, and the other kids Mother is a friend of mine. It was really hard.

Trust what you feel.

I'll always be in your corner!


momyblogR said...

What a great picture of the kids!

Well, the rule at my house, that all kids and parents alike are aware of is....They will be treated as if they were mine, while they are here. They will use manners, talk with respect and listen to what they are told. My kids are expected to behave that way and if you plan to be a guest in my home you will too. Period!!

But, you will also be loved, cared for and be given positive attention while you are here as well. So, it all works out.

Yolanda said...

Since the kid enjoys making his "own choices," do this: Tell him what the rules and expectations are when he is at your home...If he wants to respect them, GREAT!, you'd love to have him at your home. If not, then he can leave, or you will ask him to leave. More than likely, he enjoys being at your home, and will "choose" to act accordingly...If not, then after a few times of being sent home, he will probably come around. This way, you can stay calm,and matter-a-factly, while remaining in control of the situation/environment in your home. Isn't free agency grande??!!

I agree whole-heartedly with Lisa...There is nothing more guided than a mother's intuition, and for good reason!

Take a big breath...Remain calm...state your expectations...if he "chooses" wrongly?...kick his little *** out!! (hee hee!)