Wednesday, August 02, 2006

It's Wednesday afternoon and I am sitting here after paying my bills trying to decide what to write about. Some of my sisters now read my blog and I am sorry to say I don't exactly write like I want to anymore because of it. Some things you just want to keep to yourself. I miss being anonymous.

Anyway, I am feeling a little sad that the summer vacation is almost over. There are only 3 weeks left although i am excited for the busy, back to school fun that awaits. I love school shopping and buying pencils and notebooks and new shoes. I am so glad I can feel this way now for my kids and make it fun because I used to hate it! I DREADED a new school year when I was young.

I would like to go back to school now but back then it was torture. I never felt smart enough. I want my kids to have a totally different attitude and I think they do. Maybe it is the break from their mother that they like! I love all the activities they get to participate in and the new friends they will make. It will just be my baby and me most of the day. I can't wait!

I am trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up! The kids will soon all be in school and I want to do something new. Whether it's getting a job or going back to school I don't know but it is fun to think about now.

I ran on the treadmill for the first time in ages. I have gone through a really rough discouragement period with my running. Worse than any of the other times. I saw a friend at church on Sunday who started running this spring and she looks so good and is running almost 5 miles. I am so tired of hurting and never being able to progress. It's so hard seeing my friends pass me by in their efforts to exercize and lose weight. It's not like I am not trying. Maybe I am trying too hard. I only ran a mile this morning and as far as endurance goes I do fine but my foot hurt only a little. I think maybe I will just do a little where before I was always pushing myself to go faster or farther or longer. Maybe a mile a day is OK. I am trying to stay positive about it but damn, I am ready to throw in the towel.

So many people take advantage of their healthy bodies and don't realize what potential they have and what they could be doing with it and just letting it go to waste. One of these days they'll wake up and wish they'd started good habits a long time ago. Poor me. I think I'll go eat worms.


Island Queen said...

Your last paragraph is sooo true! I have thought a lot about that since Kyla died. I have a healthy body and don't do squat with it. She had a sick body and was always trying to make it healthy. Thanks for stopping by and your thoughts and prayers. It is a comfort.

And thanks for that last paragraph. The truth is great to read :)

Yolanda said...

I could of been reading a journal entry from my own life!! I am also at a point where I feel like I need a new direction? hobby? talent? purpose?

My friend has been on chemo, as well as a really toxic anti-inflamatory drug, and I have been watching her kids for her...and you know...Through this I have realized that things truly happen for a reason, and what seemed to me a feeling of worthlessness because I haven't done any one "great" thing this summer (in my mind's eye), turned into something quite different than I expected... That perhaps this "void" or lull in my life was perfectly timed...That by having "no purpose," it was divinely inspired...because my daily "purpose" turned out to be my friend, who needed someone with an free schedule, to watch her children.

So the question you need to ask yourself is this...what HAS the Lord blessed me with? It may not be running a marathon...Heaven knows we ALL know those things that we fall short of (and that is NOT coming from anywhere "inspired!")...but the answer is just might take a while to "stumble" across it!!

I love ya, my blogging friend!!