I want to write about something I find very frusterating on the subject of judgements. I do believe it is not humanly possible to not judge others. It is a human flaw that I think we are meant to overcome but never will in this life. At least most of us.

The thing that bothers me and that I notice all the time, is that when I talk about what I believe or share my testimony and my feelings about the church or gospel, I am supposedly being preachy. When others and I find this mostly in Utah) want to talk about what they think is right or best or what they believe in, it's not preaching. But I am supposed to stand there and smile and agree and not contradict.

So often, especially in my family, everyone seems so sensitive about being "judged" by the people who are LDS. I find it funny that I feel the same way. It's OK for them to be adament in some belief, but if I am, I am preaching. I am the only active member in my family except for my Dad and possibly one sister. Out of 9 kids, I feel pretty lonely in my beliefs.

I am sure that my sisters will read this and be possibly offended. I don't mean it to be that way. I honestly don't judge them like they think I do. I may not agree with some of the things they do but I think they are all wonderful people and great parents. I guess what I am trying to say is that like Ophelia said, it goes both ways.

People not in the church feel judged for the way they live by the Mormons who live here. So do those of us in it feel judged at times by those who aren't LDS. I don't think there is anything wrong with saying I know the gospel is true for everyone. I can believe that. I have that freedomand that right. I also have the right to my own political opinions and child rearing tactics.

In a large family it is impossible to have a discussion about religion without someone feeling hurt. It is terrible that we do that. It is sad there are people who feel left out on both sides. How do we honestly live as one and at the same time, never feel this way? This is true for all religions around the world. How do we do it and is it even possible? I honestly don't know. I think that is one of the purposes of our existance. Learning to love without boundries.

That's all I can think of to say on the subject for now. I am truly sorry if I have hurt anyone with what I say. But I feel the need to live boldly and quit hiding my passions.