Thursday, September 28, 2006

I want to write about something I find very frusterating on the subject of judgements. I do believe it is not humanly possible to not judge others. It is a human flaw that I think we are meant to overcome but never will in this life. At least most of us.

The thing that bothers me and that I notice all the time, is that when I talk about what I believe or share my testimony and my feelings about the church or gospel, I am supposedly being preachy. When others and I find this mostly in Utah) want to talk about what they think is right or best or what they believe in, it's not preaching. But I am supposed to stand there and smile and agree and not contradict.

So often, especially in my family, everyone seems so sensitive about being "judged" by the people who are LDS. I find it funny that I feel the same way. It's OK for them to be adament in some belief, but if I am, I am preaching. I am the only active member in my family except for my Dad and possibly one sister. Out of 9 kids, I feel pretty lonely in my beliefs.

I am sure that my sisters will read this and be possibly offended. I don't mean it to be that way. I honestly don't judge them like they think I do. I may not agree with some of the things they do but I think they are all wonderful people and great parents. I guess what I am trying to say is that like Ophelia said, it goes both ways.

People not in the church feel judged for the way they live by the Mormons who live here. So do those of us in it feel judged at times by those who aren't LDS. I don't think there is anything wrong with saying I know the gospel is true for everyone. I can believe that. I have that freedomand that right. I also have the right to my own political opinions and child rearing tactics.

In a large family it is impossible to have a discussion about religion without someone feeling hurt. It is terrible that we do that. It is sad there are people who feel left out on both sides. How do we honestly live as one and at the same time, never feel this way? This is true for all religions around the world. How do we do it and is it even possible? I honestly don't know. I think that is one of the purposes of our existance. Learning to love without boundries.

That's all I can think of to say on the subject for now. I am truly sorry if I have hurt anyone with what I say. But I feel the need to live boldly and quit hiding my passions.


chronicler said...

We ran into the same thing in our family. Everyone, even with the same value systems, see things through their own eyes. One problem we had: Everyone seemed to be talking about everyone else behind each others backs. The only way I could reconcile this and try to maintain communication through all was to come to this determination:

1. Everyone talks about everyone.
2. Everyone, when you get right down to it, loves everyone else.
3. No one intentionally sets out to hurt another family member.
4. When we recognize it is something (talking about each other) we all do, it makes it easier to relax and understand each other.
5. Sometimes, someone else can take what is said and flip it about and say something someone else couldn't say in a different way that delivers the message in a positive direction.

I've talked with everyone about it and now that we're all on the same page we are all a lot more willing to be accepting of each others little quirks.

Maybe this can help you guys too.

Lisa M. said...


You're one of the most open minded people I know, and I rarely hear you anything judgemental.

What I do hear, is, 'so and so, said this the other day and it got me thinking'

Which is what I love the most about you.


You deserve it.

Yolanda said...

I truly believe that when you sit by, and NOT say anything, that you are saying with your actions that you agree with whatever is being said (I had a boss who called this "silent acceptance/approval")...It is a cowardly way to live...

I tend to "put things out there." And I KNOW I have offended people. But, I will never had it be said that people never knew where I stood on things! I think that there is a big difference between judging others, and expressing one's opinion or beliefs...

I also totally agree with what Chronicler and Lisa have said! Great comments!