Monday, September 25, 2006


I had an epiphany this morning. I pray in my head quite frequently through the day. It is kind of a monologue that goes on and on. I was actually talking to HF about what Yolanda had said in her last comment to me.

The answer I got was very clear and basically this. I am never going to find what I am searching for if I keep in the same direction I have been going. I will never feel complete and happy if I can't make me proud of myself. This is harder to explain than I thought it would be.

I need to be a wife and mother that I can look up to. I need to be more loving and helpful with my kids and hubby, I need to stop swearing and snapping ect... These things make me ashamed of myself and if I want to feel good about who I am I need to come in line with the kind of person that God knows I am capable of being.

The answer was so much easier and clear to understand when I got it but that is because spirit to spirit conversing is different I guess. Anyway, that is the gist of it. I need to quit complaining, quit being lazy, stop wataching so much tv and keep all the bad stuff to myself and HF. No one wants to hear how hard my life is. Theirs are hard enough as it is. Everyone's life has hardship.

We need to strengthen eachother and lift eachother up. It's so simple and yet I lose sight of that. If we are doing what we should, everthing will automatically line up from nutrition, exercize, time, work, and babies to loving our spirits and wanting to do and be better.

I need to see myself through God's eyes. Everything is OK out there. Baby steps. The biggest thing to remember for me is to pray every day. Earnestly. I have quit doing that and I wonder what is wrong with my life? HELLO!! Have I been studying the scriptures everyday? No. HELLO! Why do I feel frusterated with life????HELLO!!!!!! Isn't it obvious? I had cut myself off from the one person who really can help. I keep thinking I can solve my own problems. But that is just part of my human experience. I keep praying these luke warm prayers and expect an easy answer. Guess it's not working that way. I don't think it can for anyone.

I wish I could astral project and go home once in a while.

1 comment:

Yolanda said...

"I need to see myself through God's eyes."

Remembering this is half the battle! Don't ever forget who and where you come from!!

"I wish I could astral project and go home once in a while."

I went to the General Relief Society Conference on Saturday...President Hinckley shared a story about a single mother of many children, who one night had just "had it." She earnestly prayed to Father in Heaven saying, "If I could just come stay with you for ONE day...Please?" She felt His answer, "No my child...You would not want to leave...But I can come to you..."

I HIGHLY recommend reading the talks given at the conference (ESPECIALLY Sister Hughes...). I never have gone to the Relief Society conferences, not even at the Stake Centers, but my sister by chance got some tickets. This was a beautiful and surprising experience...

And for the record...I think you are pretty amazing...whether you know what "season" you are in, or not!!