Sunday, September 24, 2006

Baby, oh baby

Can I just say that I hate that I don't get an average of 10 comments a post like Lisa. Granted, I am just peon in the blogging world but there it is!

Tell me what you think of this.... I am wondering if I should have another baby. Now, don't freak out like my husband did when I mentioned this to him, but , It has actually been on my mind for about a year.

I remember thinking "well, I guess i'm not going to have any more kids" after I was accepted back to school. But with the plan changing, I wonder if I should or am supposed to or something.

At times I think, "what in the hell are you thinking, melissa!!!!!!!!" Why would I want another one? Well, I am a dang fine mom but there are other things to consider like financial burdon, a year of misery, and then at least 3 years of bondage and diapears!

Yet, I keep thinking about it. I have prayed about it but I don't know if I am getting a real answer. I wonder if I am making up answers in my mind. One day is yes, the next day is no. What the crap is that? This is huge for me and us as a family and I want a definate, obvious answer that I wll recognize. Maybe HF doesn't care either way. Why would't he? I am just so up in the air.

I thought maybe I would give it one year. If I don't get pregnant, well, then it wasn't meant to be. I don't get pregnant that easily so If it were meant to happen, then it will in that time. What do you think of that logic?

I also think it is stupid that I am even having this debate with myself. 5 years ago, I would have just done it. Now I feel old and my clock is ticking. I am 36 and don't want to be having babies in my 40's like my mom did.

Well, let me know what you think. I need some deep seeded wisdom here folks.

11 comments:

Frog Legs said...

I don't know you- but as someone else who doesn't get prego easily- it would be a "go forth and see what happens" kind of thing. Only for us it' been a try for it for 6 years, several IVF's, etc. It is a huge decision-- but I'm a "go for it" kind of person. Good luck!

melissa c said...

Thanks! I just may! And welcome to my place! Come any time!

Maren said...

That's a big decision. It would be hard to know what to do without a definite answer to prayer. With it not being the easiest thing for you to get pregnant, I would also think that maybe the go for it and if it's supposed to be then it will, might be a good approach.

I know, I feel the clock ticking too. I turn 32 tomorrow. Not too old for more kids yet....but I am still a couple of years away from possibly being healthy enough to have another baby. Reilly is already 4. The gap between him and another sibling will be big. This was not how I envisioned my family to evolve. I have the feeling inside that we will be having at least one more and I just pray that I can build my body back up so that might even be a possibility. In the meantime, I am so grateful that Reilly is here and I try to enjoy him as much as I can.

Yolanda said...

With our last child, I KNEW he was suppose to be here (to the point I would leave the house with my other children, and then GO BACK INTO THE HOUSE because I felt I had left someone behind!) but it took me FIVE YEARS to get him here...During that time I kept busy in one of the most demanding, yet fulfilling callings I have ever had...YW 1st counselor/YW president...Only you, your husband, and the Lord know what you should. We all know that it can take time to get pregnant, and only the Lord knows His time-frame (darn-it!!).

It sounds like you are looking to fill some type of void/space in your life...(First school, running, life-style/diet changes, baby...) While your soul searches, I have found that if you lose yourself in service, whether it be in your own family, temple attendance, a calling, a community effort, that your time is better spent while "fate" or "the Lord" etc. steps in. Plus, you slowly realize all your blessings that you already possess.

Sometimes it is very painful and sad to realize a particular season of your life is done...I cannot have any more children due to severe medical issues (umm...death!) along with 40 slowly creeping up, and it still hurts, frustrates, and makes me sad that I'm done with this season. But I need to rejoice and remind myself of the next season of my life...Continuing to raise my children, fulfill my callings, going to the temple, trying to keep my dishes done! (ha ha ha!) Just like trying to get pregnant, finding out the next step can take time and effort...but we need to remember that "the journey" is part of why we are here in the first place!!

I pray you are guided, and directed, to your next "season!" Whether it's diapers again, or some other adventure!!

xoxo Yolanda

melissa c said...

Thank you Yolanda. Your comment actually made me cry. You hit it right on the nail.

I do feel a little lost and keep trying different things to see if it is the right thing.

I hate feeling this way. You are so right about service. We forget how good it makes us feel.

I have decided to have my IUD removed. In that meantime. I will try to just live the best I can. If another baby is meant for me, then great, if not, I will be diappointed I think but it will just mean this phase is over.

That is sad but every woman has to go through it and deal with it. Thank you so much for your friendship. It means more than you know.

The Pea said...

eylI know I don;t know you very well, or realy at all but, my only advise would be to mabye go and sit in the temple. Everytime I feel the urge to have another baby I go there and even if I leave just as confused as when I went in the few hours of peace that come are a welcome change. Good luck. I hope all goes well.

Lisa M. said...

Yolanda.

Great comment. I couldnt' have said it better myself.

ophelia said...

I think it is really very simple. HF is not some fortune telling machine at the fair, put in a quarter and wait for an answer. He created you in his image, a creative being, to create your own reality. To choose and take responsibility for your choices. He wants you to be united and at one in your marriage, that is key in deciding to have another baby. If B is not for it, you need to be on the same page and make your home a happy place for the 6 people that already exist. If it is not the peaceful place you keep saying you want it to be now, it certainly will not become that way by adding more to the mix. Create that peaceful place inside of you. You and your family deserve that.

Lisa M. said...

Hummmm

an average of 10 per post.

*rolling eyes*

HELL, you're almost there.

Lisa M. said...

Okay I am starting a campaign.

melissa c said...

thank you very much. *smile*