I wonder how honest people really are on their blogs. I have a frusteration that has nothing to do with canning and I am going to be completely honest.
As some of you may know if you ready my bio, I am a foster mom. I have a one year old foster baby who I have had since he was about 3 months old. He can be a really happy, adorable baby but when he's mad or I do something like put him to bed or put him down or even lay him down just to change his diaper, he screams like someone is cutting off his arms. After a year, I am REALLY tired of it. Sometimes it triggers an anger in me that I am ashamed to admit even exists. What I am sure he really needs is extra love security and I should hug and kiss him to reassure him but most of the time I get so irritated by it that I put him in his crib and shut the door.His birth mom worked really hard to earn him back and she did great and we became pretty close during the time I had him. Well, she had him for 3 weeks and couldn't handle it and asked us if we would adopt him. During the time I had him I had kept a wall up just a little. I didn't want to get totally attached and then have to give him up. Now I find I am having a hard time turning that around. I don't feel about him the way I do my own kids and It makes me feel terrible. Especially when he cries like he does. He is going to be mine now and I am really afraid that he can feel that I don't love him like I should and that that will ruin him.
I also know that on the up side, when he is happy I do adore him. I know I need to be more greatful that I have him now and he will have a wonderful life growing up on a little farm with horses and chickens and cats and a dog instead of growing up with a bunch of meth addicts. I also feel that there are some really important things I need to learn from him. Like there is a higher purpose for him being here. It's just tough sometimes. Anyone out there know what I mean?