shopping for unmentionables

Today I went shopping for bras. I tell you it's worse than shopping for a swim suit (almost). I have been doing the South Beach Diet and I really like it. It is an easy diet for me to stay on and is the only one that has worked long term. (Loner than 2 weeks!) Anyway, I have lost 20 lbs in 3 months. Not fast progress but healthy. So none of my braziers fit me well anymore so I took a trip to town. I think I tried on 30 different bras! Nothing seems to fit well and like most women, I am not exactly the same on both sides. Aggrivating! Anyway.....my cupsize has shrunk but not my rib size. How depressing! I've gone down a whole size where I least want to! The good thing is that I am seeing progress in my pant size. I have been a size 14 for 10 years and now I am a size 12! YEA!!!!!!!

To be honest, I just want to be healthy and feel good. I want to be able to run 5 miles and feel good about it. I don't care what pant size or bra size I am as long as I know I am taking care of the body God gave me as best I can. So, that's my news of the day! Love you all!!!

my man

I was talking to my sister T. who lives in Oregon yesterday. She is breaking up with the guy she has been living with for 3 years. He is a really neat guy but not as a husband or boyfriend I guess. Anyway, she was telling me how he gets offended so easily. He gets his feelings hurt over the stupidest things and then holds a grudge and won't speak the rest of the day.

It got me thinking about how lucky I am. I am married to a fantabulous guy. My husband is not offended easily. I love that! If I don't feel like having sex, instead of feeling rejected he just says, "O.K." and turns over. T. told me if she says no, her guy takes it so personally, like she doesn't like him or isn't turned on by him anymore.

My husband and I can be so honest with eachother without fighting. Sometimes he'll say to me that I am being really onery and what's wrong? I will usually be surprised and say I am just tired, or frusterated or whatever and that is the end of that. If he is grabbing at my girl parts and I am not in the mood or if I push his hands away, he will usually laugh and try to talk me into it but if it doesn't work he just says. "O.K." and that's that.

I love it that God sent me a man who just lets the water roll off his back. He never holds a grudge or gives me the silent treatment (anymore). He used to use that tactic when we were first married but I told him he married the wrong gal if he thought that would work. I like to work it out and get it out of the way and that is what we do now. He loves me for who I am and doesn't expect me to change. in any way. If I do, He is pleasantly surprised. If I don't, well then, he's not disappointed is he?

I am a better person for marrying him. More patient, more loving, harder working and lots of other things I won't go into. Don't want to brag!

He also loves to hunt, fish, remodel old cars, loves horses and watch football when he has time. good man and good looking.

afternoon quickies

I love an afternoon quicky. Normally, by the time I am ready for bed, I am exhausted, tired, possibly irritable and NOT in the mood. You know what I mean? Well, My husband is a plumbing contractor and can be home at any time during the day when business is slow.

During the afternoon (early or late), when he sun is warm and I am taking a little break from housework, laundry, kids etc... I sometimes look over at B. Who usually takes a 15 min. rest after lunch, and ask,"In the mood for a quicky?"

Well, It always starts out wonderful but like clockwork, one of our kids comes to the door and wants in. I will usually yell, (and in a not so nice voice) that theyhad better stay out and not try to come in. That we are having a rest time. I have to be specific here and tell then not to try to come in because our door can be unlocked from the outside pretty easily! It's the suspence, though, that makes it so much fun!

Then the telephone will usually ring or someone will come to the front door or my three year old will come and sit by the door and cry or beg to come in. You ask why we go to the trouble to do a day timer? Well, it's like being a kid again, trying to get away with something, wondering if you'll be caught! We love it and it makes us feel young! It is worth it too because once in a great while, no one bothers us. Ah,..... love in the afternoon.

sibling rivalry

It's amazing isn't it, that siblings still compete or compare with eachother even when they are adults. I do like to think of myself as fairly normal and there is a little competition among my sisters and me.

For instance, our sisters weekend is coming up in October and I have just GOT to lose 10 more pounds so that I am not the chubbiest one!! Also, I want to show them how good I look! The probelm is I love to eat! and I am competeing with women who weight 130 lbs.! Anyway, that is all in fun because we all are very close.

Well, yesterday my little sister called (who is 31 yrs) and told me that K. (my other little sister) told her that I am going to South Dakota for Thankgiving this year to visit relatives my hsuband is really close to instead of coming to her house. Well, my sis S. (the 31 yr old) was feeling bad because they just took 2 years to build a beautiful, huge house and they did EVERYTHING themselves. I am the only one in my family who hasn't seen it yet. They live in California. I have been to visit her many times but before they finished their house. She kept saying things like, I don't think you want to come and you don't care enough to come and things like that. well, I guess on a certain level she is right because I do believe that if a person wants something bad enough, they do it. (Which she did also point out). Well, I started to get tired of defending myself so when she made the comment, "You don't know what it feels like to work for something this hard and have the people you care about not act like they care." At this point I did point out that Yes, I do know how that feels. I worked for 10 years to go to the temple with my husband who is a convert and it was the most inportant thing I had done up to that point in my life and only one sibling showed up for it and that was a sister who couldn't even go in! So yea, I get it! Then she said, well, don't come then and we hung up.

She did call back a few minutes later to apologize and she felt bad and said she had just been feeling onery and was taking it out on me. but it just goes to show how our perceptions work. It is funny how we all feel our world revolves around ourselves and our little families. I don't look at going to S.'s to see a house, I go to see her but she feels bad I haven't seen her house. I felt bad when only 1 of 9 siblings showed up for our sealing yet only one could have gone through and only a couple even are active and have testimonies. That's life.

The art of smart

This is what I think. We learn to be smart after we are born. Intelligence is not smarts. I was thinking back on my childhood and how I felt about myself and school as compared to my own kids. They do great in school and they FEEL smart.

I did not do well in school at any age. Not until college, and I ask myself "why?" My parents worried that there was something wrong with me so they had me tested for resource classes. The results came back that I was either unmotivated or just lazy. Now, as I think back on it. I did not feel lazy nor did I feel unmotivated. I actually felt incapable of doing better. I FELT stupid. I really didn't think that would change much if I studied harder or put more effort in. Where did these thoughts come from? How on earth could a child from a relatively normal family feel this way? Who put it into my head that I was stupid, because I don't think I came from God with those thoughts! I don't know. I may never know but it has been so cool finding out how smart I really am. That I do pick things up quick. That I can do anything anyone else can do if my desire is great enough.

I had tried to instill these thought patterns in my own children and I see it working. Why did my own parents not see this? Probably because they had 4 wild teenages to take care of and I was left to just grow up? Maybe.

Sometimes, even now, those insecure thoughts creep out and scare me! It's hard to believe they are still there under the surface hiding out. My life is wonderful. I love it now. I am living exactly the way I want to be for the most part, and that is all that matters at the moment.

The Master Cleanser

I just wanted to tell you about the "diet" I am on. I don't know if many people know about the lemonade diet. Actually, I am not doing it for a diet. I am doing it because I am still sick. It's actually called "The master Cleanser". It is a cleansing diet that scours out your whole system and you can lose weight with it too. They say if you have a chronic illness or anyother illness, it will help. Anyway, I have done it a few times and I really like it.

On the first 2 days you drink a saltwater mix first thing in the morning. It is 2 tsp. sea salt to one quart warm water. Your body will not absorb it as it is the same consistancy as your blood. It will go right through you and clean out your bowels. Don't go anywhere for a couple of hours because you will spend some time on the throne. Anyway, do that the first two monings only. Then, the rest of the day, whenever you are hundry, just drink the lemonade. To make it is easy. Two Tbs. fresh lemon juice,(half a lemon), 2 Tbs. pure grade "B" maple syrup, and a dash of cayanne pepper and fill the glass up the rest of the way with water. Now, I use grade A syrup because I can't stand the taste of grade B, but B has more vitamins and minerals than A. If you want to know more about it, look it up on google. There are quite a few sites on it. It works and I don't feel hungry. It is a little hard in a house where everyone else is eating good stuff, but this is for a higher Cause!! *smile*

sick and tired

Hello! Today I am sick and tired! For real! I have caught a cold from my kids that they have all gotten over and left me alone in my misery! I didn't sleep well so I really am sick and tired. So, I will do the basic things and then read the 6th Harry Potter book.

Now, there is a little controversy in our ward about Harry Potter. I have a neighbor that won't allow her teenage sons to read it or see the movies. She definately has the right to her apinion and I don't criticize her for it because she is a good friend but I LOVE Harry Potter. When I was young, before Harry was ever born, I used to dream of being magic. I would make up adventures and day dream about it all the time. I think some people are wanting to protect their children fron reading about something that has evil in it. If that is the case, then no more Snow white, Sleeping beauty, Little Mermaid and all the other Walt Disney movies.

My opinion is that the Harry Potter books show the evil in obvious ways. I want my kids to know there are bad things and bad people out there and to always be prepared instead of scared of it. (well, maybe a little scared of it) We have started studying the Book of Mormon every night for the kid's reading time they have to do for school.. It is wonderful because the evil in that book is just as obvious and teaches people what to look out for. Now I am not suggesting that Harry potter is anywhere near the Book of Mormon as far as a teaching tool, I am just saying that maybe people shouldn't get so alfired up about something they have never read. It could have valuable lesson to learn in it.

That is enough of my soap box for one day. I will now lay down on my beautiful king size bed and snuggle up with Harry. It's a good thing I don't have a jealous husband!

the running drug

I LOVE to run! Yet I can't do it! Let me tell you a little story about the power of your brain. When a person runs or exercises hard, your brain releases chemicals into your system to sustain and make you feel good. It is very addicting! I had started running about three years ago and loved it. It would get this feeling in my body and I just HAD to go for a run. well, I re-hurt an old injury in my back and it became too painful to run. Actually, it was my sacrum that was the problem. That is the little triangle bone that sits between your two hip bones and carries your spinal column. Anyway, it took two years and the help of a fantastic chiropractor and I was able to start training again, well, in my zeal, I got a pretty bad shinsplint and had to stop. When I could go again, I developed achillies tendonities and that is really painful. It almost feels like a charly horse in your calf muscle that wont go away. So I stopped again. Then the outside tendon on that same leg by my knee started to hurt a little. Well, by this time, I am starting to wonder if there is some higher power that doesn't want me to run! But I am invincible! I will not give up so easily! So I started again and my shinsplint got so bad I had to wear a cast for 3 weeks!!!!

well, now I have had my cast off for 2 weeks and I am starting SLOW! I walked today for a 1/2 hour and went 2 miles. Now mind you, that is after two weeks of going really slow so I am pretty proud! And I am happy to report, NO PAIN SO FAR!!!!! I can still remember that high when I used to run and It still calls to me! I will be a runner again before I die if it kills me and it just may!

Sisters

Well, I did it again!! I can't believe it. I just wrote my blog in word perfect and forgot to save it and when I was copying and pasting, I lost it!

So I will try to re-write it as best I can. I come from a large family. I have 3 brothers and 5 sisters. We are all very close. In fact, us girls are all best friends except for one. One of my siters is adopted and we got her when she was almost 18. It was really hard when she came because she had alot of baggage. She had lived in 10 different foster homes, had been sexually, verbally, and emotionaly abused. She sucked her thumb and was very immature and my Dad really catered to her which caused problems in itself. We weren't a perfect family but we all grew up really loving eachother.

My sisters and I get together every year for our sisters weekend no matter where we are living. I have 2 sisters in California, 2 in Oregon and there are 2 of us in Utah. Annette, my adopted sister never has money and her life is always in a crisis somehow. She always comes to our weekends but never brings much with her. We all have to work hard to save our money to go and yet it seems like someone is always having to bail her out or pay her way or something and she has worked it so that people feel sorry for her and do it. Well, we are not doing it this year. We are going to Vegas and everyone has known for a long time that we are going to a couple of shows and to save their money.

I spoke to her last week and as usual she doesn't have much to bring but says that she is perfectly fine not going to the shows and just sitting by the pool. Now, picture what will happen when the 5 of us go out and she stays at the condo. One of my sisters suggested an Annette fund so she can go with us. The rest of us flatly refused that idea. We have all payed her way before and we are all tired of it. Tell me, am I just being selfish and un-Christ like or should we let her shoulder her own responsibilities for a while. Maybe she will learn if no one comes to her rescue this time.

first day to dance

My little 3 year old starts dance for the first time today. I signed her up for pre-ballet. I really liked this teacher because all her students wear age appropriate outfits and do age appropriate dance moves. It seems like everywhere you look there are little girls with make-up shaking their little hips and I don’t like that . Heidi is my daughter and she loves to dance so I hope to point her in the right direction with ballet.
I love my life. I don’t make much money by being a stay at home mom but I wouldn’t trade jobs with my husband for anything. My sister in law can’t have kids and she is very bitter and angry and has a real chip on her shoulder about it. She and her husband have taken the foster care classes to become foster parents but she is mad at the leaders because they won’t let her have a baby if she works. If she really wants a baby that bad, she will have to probably sell her expensive cars, start shopping at Walmart and cut up her credit cards so she wont HAVE to work but she doesn’t see it. No body has the courage to say that to her either because she is a little venomous. Truthfully, it is probably good they don’t have kids. I can’t imagine how it would be to grow up in her house. They are so critical of those of us in the family who do have kids. Some people have all the answers until they get there. But who am I to judge, I did that too before I had kids of my own. (But no quite so meanly)
Anyway, I am feeling great today and my children are little angels. It is only 8:00am though so give ‘em time! Ha!

Hello all,
I am trying something new. I am typing my blog on word perfect and will copy and paste on my blog page. I have lost 3 blogs just today and I am so frustrated with it that I want to scream to I will try this. Obviously, i am not a computer genious but I am working on it.

I tried twice this morning to type my blog. The first time, It got erased. I'd had a virus on my computer which wouldn't let me publish it. Everything I wrote got erased. So I got rid of the virus and retyped it and then I decided I didn't like my old pink template verymuch so I decided to change it to this green one, Well, I had typed the words in red and on this background it looked terrible so I tried to change the letter to white and it erased it again!!!! I think I am not supposed to write what I did! It was actually a very beautiful tribute to my friend Howard Nicholes who died last week.. I am heart broken about it. So sorry to you who didn't get to read it.

heartsick

I am jsut heart sick. I just spent the last little while writing a blog that was very dear to me and I lkost it as I tried to post it. I hope this works. It wouldn't post any of my blogs. I found 2 viruses on my computer which I have gotten rid of and I hope it worked.

frusterations

Hello all,

I wonder how honest people really are on their blogs. I have a frusteration that has nothing to do with canning and I am going to be completely honest.

As some of you may know if you ready my bio, I am a foster mom. I have a one year old foster baby who I have had since he was about 3 months old. He can be a really happy, adorable baby but when he's mad or I do something like put him to bed or put him down or even lay him down just to change his diaper, he screams like someone is cutting off his arms. After a year, I am REALLY tired of it. Sometimes it triggers an anger in me that I am ashamed to admit even exists. What I am sure he really needs is extra love security and I should hug and kiss him to reassure him but most of the time I get so irritated by it that I put him in his crib and shut the door.

His birth mom worked really hard to earn him back and she did great and we became pretty close during the time I had him. Well, she had him for 3 weeks and couldn't handle it and asked us if we would adopt him. During the time I had him I had kept a wall up just a little. I didn't want to get totally attached and then have to give him up. Now I find I am having a hard time turning that around. I don't feel about him the way I do my own kids and It makes me feel terrible. Especially when he cries like he does. He is going to be mine now and I am really afraid that he can feel that I don't love him like I should and that that will ruin him.

I also know that on the up side, when he is happy I do adore him. I know I need to be more greatful that I have him now and he will have a wonderful life growing up on a little farm with horses and chickens and cats and a dog instead of growing up with a bunch of meth addicts. I also feel that there are some really important things I need to learn from him. Like there is a higher purpose for him being here. It's just tough sometimes. Anyone out there know what I mean?

a new season

Well, a new day is halfway through. I've set up this new blogg with the help of my dear friend Lisa, whose blogg some of you may have read. The computer scene is relatively new to me so if it takes me a while just be patient.

I finished canning peaches today. I feel like such a homemaker. This is my second year to can and I am 35 years old so I am a little bit of a late bloomer. But I like to believe that no matter what your age, it's healthy to start or try something new you have never done before and don't be afraid. I have to admit, I do call my neighbors to ask for advice in cooking and canning all the time. It seems like a miracle that my husband and 4 kids haven't been poisoned by now but the Lord does work in mysterious ways. Sometimes I feel pretty stupid like I should know some of the answers already but it also makes people feel good to help. Remember that when you have a question but are insecure about asking for an answer.

At the moment, I don't have much else to ponder about so maybe I will sign off for now.

first entry

Hello friends. I'm just getting started here so be patient