I love to shop. There is no there time of year more conducive to shopping than Christmas time. I wish I could shop continuously but I have to wait until I have money in my hands you know!

I found a beautiful bunk bed on sale at KSL.com and went to buy it from a wholesale furniture dealer! It is so pretty and I will put it up in Heidi's room and when Wyatt is bigger, He'll share her room and have a bed. Her room is to small to put 2 beds in side by side so I bought this for dirt cheap! I bought it is in white though and it will look good in her pink pepto-bismal bedroom!

Anyway, they had a beautiful solid leather living room set I was tempted to buy but refrained. After all, I didn't have THAT much money with me!

I love decorating my house and making it better. I can only do it slowly which is frustrating but little by little, it is becoming more of what I like.

Here is a little side note. Bryan listens to talk radio when he drives and they were saying that Utah is #1 for depression and Meth use. Interesting isn't it? Of all places. Guess which state is the happiest. You will never guess!! South Dakota! That is where we were thinking a going a while ago. Now Bry says So. Dakota is looking better and better! It must be all that farming and hard work that makes people happy! Idaho was high up there too for happiness. We are right next door. What is the difference I wonder? One thing they said was that possibly people here are harder on themselves to do better because of the religion issue and get depressed when they don't measure up to themselves! Who knows?

Anyway, that is the new for today!

Here is the latest! Court was yesterday and it was 4 1/2 hours long and what it all finally came to was no re-unification! YEA!!!!

Re-unification means the state has to help to parent get their child back. The state sets up the plan and offers all the therapy and parenting and drug classes etc....

This Judge is so great. He was the one who did our adoption with Gabe. He said he felt like it was Groundhogs day. That this was the same discussion he has been having with these two people for 4 years. He felt that they had been begged and pleaded with and provided opportunity after opportunity and never rose to the occasion.

Even just last Oct they had both been arrested for being together and having drugs all over the house.

I started to cry when he said that. I was so sure they were going to give reunification. I am so relieved. I just needed to have more faith. I had had numerous answers to prayers that it would all work out but I still couldn't believe it would.

I also just heard that the family who has the 2 sisters of Gabe might not be interested in adopting and they would come to me. It scares the crap out of me but I would not say no. Those poor little girls have been passed around like dirty laundry. At least we could keep them all together.

If that happens, I refuse to listen to anyone's opinion about it. I have already discussed it with certain family members who are extremely negative about it. That is not what I need to hear. No body wants them and I will NOT be another one who says no. They need someone to love and raise them and give them a normal childhood. I know I could do it. I also know there would be times when it was hard and I would want to sell them on e-bay but there are days when I want to do that with my own kids!

People can either support us or keep their mouths shut. That is my opinion. Anyway, that may or may not happen so I'll let you know.

Good morning! It is Tuesday and I feel like I can get nothing done with this little baby! He is so beautiful. For those of you out there who want kids and can't have them, you really aught to try foster care. Both of mine were babies, because that is what I chose.

Many times these kids are adopted by you. My dear friend Tash just got a 3 week old baby girl last week. She is beautiful and has tons of dark hair! She has wanted a baby girl for a while.

My sister in law is in the process of adopting her foster daughter's newborn and is also adopting a 10 month old boy they have had since infancy. They had been trying to have kids for 11 years.


They say you shouldn't go in to foster care with adoption as the goal but man, it is a great way to grow your family and you don't pay a dime! The state pays for all the adoption fees and the child has a Medicaid card until he is 18. They are always covered.

These kids need good homes. Most of the time, the birth parents just don't get straightened out. It is very sad but happens all too often. At least these kids are being given a chance at a normal, healthy life.

It does come with it's added stressed but my babies were worth it. Think about it.

Well get this, I had missed a message on my cell phone that I found yesterday. It was from my doctor telling me I was positive for Mono. How do you like that. They called and left a message on my home phone that said I was normal on the results on Monday and left a message on my cell on Friday saying I had mono.

So I will have to call on this Monday to make sure but I am pretty sure it was mono. I do feel better but I am still not over it.

Thanksgiving day was wonderful. We went to 2 dinners but it was so fun seeing everyone. The only bad thing about going somewhere else is that there are no leftovers to eat.

We changed Wyatt over to Prevacid and that is working SO much better for his heartburn. The other worked ok for about a week and then he went back to his fussiness. Let's hope this lasts!

It is Saturday and I am wondering if I feel like getting all the Christmas stuff out. Half the kids are sick with this cold and I don't have the energy to do it alone.

Well, I'm tired. Got to go! Love to you all this happy season!

It was a really good day. I am feeling better and my energy is coming back. Today, I cleaned Seth and Gabe's room which I do a deep clean every few months. It is amazing the amount of garbage they hide in there!

I went to the DI and bought a new mattress and box spring for him. He has needed a bed for a while now and has shared with Jake for the past year. Both are fed up with that arrangement. They sell really nice new ones there. So I came home, set it up, put a cute book shelf in there for his stuff and he has a cowboy motif so I got on eBay and bought matching cowboy quilts for Seth and Gabe.

The quilts are adorable. They have matching shams and the colors match the room perfectly!. I can't wait until they come. They are new too which I like. I don't like to use "used" bedding.

So when the room is complete. I'll take a picture for you all!

I love shopping online. Fast and easy!

For all of you who are dying to know what went down for Jake's B-day, here it is.........

He came home from school on Wednesday, I sat him down, explained the deal and let him decide. I did explain how awful I felt and that next year, when he turns 13, a real teenager, we'd throw him a big party.

He went with the "Rip stick" . What a good boy and let me tell you how relieved I was! I am still not up to par and it is Friday!

He wanted a cherry pie instead of cake so I made him a Pie and we had ice cream melting over it. Wonderful. We had his favorite dinner, tacos, and taco salads and he didn't have to do any chores.

He loved that. It ended up being a wonderful day and he was SO happy with his presents. I was so happy with less work and everyone went to bed with a smile on including Bry and me. We were in bed by 8:30!

Change of subject. I weighed myself this morning. I haven't done that for a while because I had just decided to "live" and enjoy life and not worry about weight anymore. Well, I am the heaviest I have ever been except when I was pregnant. It was a blow to my self image just a little. I had noticed that my clothes were tighter and didn't "feel" good but I had decided to love myself the way I am.

OK, I have changed my mind. I don't like the way my body feels. I don't like that my bra digs in and I can't wait to take it off. I hate how my pants feel tight and uncomfortable and all the rest that goes with it. I really hate how I have a roll under by boobs that would have a bigger bra size than the girls upstairs! I don't know what do do because I love food and I hate restricting myself, but until I can start running again, I guess I should just a little. I am getting to old to ignore my health.

I don't want to be one of the elderly that is constantly battling illness or disease because I just wanted to "live". That would be contradictory wouldn't it??

So, I don't know what I will do. I'll let you know. But something has to change.

OK, I need to know if I am the worst mother in the world. Jacob's birthday is tomorrow. We have planned a big fear factor party with his friends tomorrow. The problem is I still feel like crap. It is getting better but I have not cleaned my house in a week.

I am doing better than before, but I am still up nights with coughing and the baby. I sound terrible and have no energy. I do not want to do this party. I just feel awful.

He wants a skate board really bad that has only 2 wheels called a rip board or something. It is really expensive so I thought maybe I would bribe him with that instead of the party. I can't buy it normally but if we don't have the party, I would. Is that terrible?

I feel like a really good mom would just push through it. Would just stay up all night cleaning the house and decorating.. Never mind the coughing fits when I talk too much, he would have a great party.

The realistic mom in me says bag it, no one has RSVP'd anyway and bribe him with the skate board so I don't feel like such a loser. Dang. He'll be home in a half hour. I'll let you know what happens.

I have been sick all weekend. Yuck. A bad cold. It started as an innocent sore throat. Who knew it would attack when I least expected it to! Today, I am stuffed up and head achey, tired and coughing. I have still managed to clean my bathroom, fold 4 batches of laundry, take care of the kids, shower and get dressed. I must congratulate myself!

There is nothing worse than feeling under par. I even had a blood test done which came back normal. That means I must be faking! Ha! It was actually good news. Now I have to wonder why I have felt so out of sorts.

I have decided it is a new baby, not enough rest, eating like crap and the constant worry that they will take him away. Plus the other normal stresses of life. Maybe it is stress that completely disrupts our lives. Maybe we just think we are coping when in real life, we are just floating along waiting to get bombarded!

I do believe there is a connection between our health and our brains. I do believe there are things we bring upon ourselves. I do think there are weird flukes out there but really, when we don't get enough rest, exercise, good food, and too much stress, disappointment and negativity, why would it surprise us when we have heart problems, cancer, and illness? Hello??

Anyway. That is how I feel today. There it is. Now I will go lay down until the kids come home. I need to gear up for my conversation with my son. I need to find out why he has an "I" in health and math. Supposedly he caught himself up. I love being able to check it on the computer. Yea for technology.

Random thoughts

I like Lisa's idea about random thoughts. I think I will do it too.

1. I went to the doctor to get a flu shot today. They were out when I got there. They took blood to run tests to see why I am sooooo tired all the time. He thinks I could have mono. I don't think I am making out enough to have mono! lol They will test my thyroid, and for Epstein bar and a few others too. It will be interesting to see what happens if anything at all.

2. My oldest turns 12 next week. We are going to have a fear factor party for him. It will be a blast.

3. I am so tired and out of it that I got the wrong day on the vote and missed it. I also showed up early for my doctors app. today. I went at 9:30 when I was supposed to go at 10:45. What a space cadet.

4. My sister had her 3rd baby this week! It is very exciting to me. I haven't gone to see him yet as I have a sore throat. Also a symptom of mono.

5. I went to an awesome training last night for foster care. Learned about emotional coaching. Loved it. Am using it already. Has changed how I deal with my kids anger and sadness. Every parent should take it.

6. The birth mom of my 2 boys is in jail again. Will stay there for a year maybe from what I hear. The debate is if they should give the father reunification. ( for the baby). i hope not

7. Wyatt is now over 11 lbs. he is adorable and I worship him.

8. Byran wants to buy a 15 seater van. yea, fun. I'm rolling my eyes.

9. I have finally discovered at 37 years old that no one in my family gets me. I mean really gets me. It makes me sad.

10. I feel like this has been one of the hardest years of my life. I am actually glad it is coming to an end. I have had a lot of trials and it will feel good to start a new year out fresh. I have learned so much but I wouldn't want to do it again!

11. I am so glad that I play World of Warcraft. It is such a stress reliever for me. I can just zone out for a bit. I never play when the kids are home though. I like to be able to focus on them for the time they are here before bedtime. I play during nap time. Thank heavens for nap time. I have made so many great friends on the game.

12. I have stopped going to clogging. I am too tired at that time of day. 8pm. I usually go to bed at about 8:30pm because I am too tired to stay awake. I take long baths after the kids leave for school and it has been hard to get anything done. It"s not depression, it's different. I hope I figure it out.

13. Thank heavens for good friends who understand me. What I would do without them, I don't know.

14.I sure adore my man. He has been so good to me. It is good to have him home. He was gone for 5 days hunting. That was hard. I forgot a lot of things like the mite medicine in the dogs ears, I forgot feedings, thank heavens Jake remembered those poor animals outside. I forgot appointments and a million other little things. Good thing I have smart kids!

15. That's all for now folks. Thanks for reading. Sorry I haven't been around for a while. It looks like no one has! Hope to see you writing! bye.