The Quest

I have started to add some slow jogging to my treadmill routine. I have been trying for three years to get back into running as some of you know. It has been going well.

I have a problem with my sacrum. I also have scoliosis. It's a congenital thing. I was born with quite a few birth defects. (birthday fects, are what I called them as a child). My heart is backwards, I am missing three ribs on the front left side, one of my hips was not fully formed when I was born but is now and I have a few other things that are a little different.

None of these things are even noticeable on the outside. Only if I am naked. Luckily I married a man who doesn't care, has never made a rude comment, acts as though I look like anyone else. AMAZING! Even after 10 years it amazes me. In college I dated a guy that I was serious with who when I told him about the defects (because i did think he aught to know) dumped me. It was a slight blow to my self esteem but I knew there was someone out there who wouldn't be quite so shallow.

Any way, back to running. I have to be soooooo careful about my posture. If I am not running with REALLy good posture, it throws my back out. I do alot of other exercizes to strengthen all those muscles but it is so slowgoing. Why do I even care about running? I used to hate running when I was younger. It was sheer torture. Why don't I fall in love with biking instead? I don't know the answer to those questions. I think it has become a quest, a vendetta, a personal mission, to overcome my obstacles. The funny thing is, I KNOW I will be able to do if I persit long enough. I am promised in the scriptures that if I do what is right I shall walk and not faint, and run and not be weary!!! In the D&C it says that if I have the faith I will be able to leap! There are alot of scriptures like that and I am taking them literally. It does get better all the time. I just need patience, persistance, long suffering (which I am really good at) and alot of prayer! Yea for me!

to be or not to be

I had an interresting experience this morning. In my 3 year olds dance class, it was "invite a friend week" so I had invited a new neighbor of mine who has a little girl who is 3 too. It was alot of fun and this gal really loves to visit. we talked about alot of different subjects.

She is not LDS and we had started talking about her minister and where she goes to church. She told me she was raised Mormon kind of as a child because of neighbors who took her to church when she was young. She even was baptized at 8 yrs.

She told me she had alot of questions when she got older and the thing she said she couldn't swallow was Joseph Smith. She started to tell me about how dishonest she he was because of books she had studied. She said that none of his prophesies had ever come true and that he supposedly admits to a bunch of lies in his personal journals and she said a bunch of other stuff. She said it in such a way that left no room for discussion. I don't know what she expected me to do but I wasn't going to start an argument. I just said what I have always said to members of my own family. If you are going to study a controversial subject, you need to look at both sides, and that people have been trying to disprove Joseph Smith from the beginning just like they do to Jesus. I said that people need to find something that gives them a foundation and that works for them and hold to that.

I would have said more but it just didn't feel right. I am not the kind to go around testifying to everyone. Maybe that is what we should do? But I don't feel comfortable doing that. I much prefer not not be bold! I do like to bare my testimony in softer, subtle ways that won't start a fight or cause contention. Maybe I am a chicken but hopefully, God will forgive my cowardess.

Anyway, this friend and I parted as friends and I hope we stay that way. She is really nice and I like her but it bothered me that she would say what she did without any consideration to the fact that it IS somthing I do believe in. Wierd. Well, see ya!

Viva Las Vegas!

I'm home! actually got home Sunday and it was sooooo fun! I can see why Vegas is addictive and I didn't even gamble! I was still getting over being sick so that was a bummer. I felt tired and had a headache part of the time but it was still so fun.

We saw the show "KA" by cirque du soleil and it was amazing!! I can't even describe it. I saw people do things that don't seem humanly possible. The music was incredible. I bought the CD and listen to it every day. Friends hear it and ask what that awesome music is and want copies!

we saw "Tournement of Kings" at Excalibur and that was so fun and the food was great. I have never been to a place that has so many physically beautiful people who are so talented. Everywhere you turn. It was hard not to stare! In fact, on one of the shuttles there was this beautiful black man in front of me who was hard not to stare at. He was huge and muscular and gorgeous! Well, I didn't want to stare at him so I watched his friend who was also good looking (there was no where else to look) but not like the other guy. well, the black guy started to laugh at me and told his friend that he thought I wanted a picture with him because I couldn't quit staring! I was mortified! I was tempted to tell him it was him I was staring at, not his friend! Anyway, I am married so I looked and didn't touch!

At our hotel there was a lazy river they we relaxed in every morning and then we would go to the strip in the afternoons and evening to see the casinos and eat. I think my favorite was "The Belagio" the fountains there were spectacular! For those who don't know, There is a giant fountain that is choreographed to music. The music is piped in onto the street so no matter where you stand you hear it. It's like watching a ballet. It was so beautiful that it made me cry at one point. It is amazing that a city so filled with filth and sin can is some respects be so beautiful that it can bring tears to your eyes!

We also saw the "Folies Bergere". It is the longest running Vegas show there. We saw the version where the gals are covered. I guess they show the same show topless too. YIKES! we ate at the "house of blues" which was fun and well, I can't believe how much moeny is passed around there! We had a man pay for our whole dinner one night because he thought my sister was beautiful! We all told our husbands about that (those of us who are married) and they said we should be doing that every night! It would make the trip less expensive! HA!

I had a minor miracle happen. At the house of blues I lost $75.00 I didn't know I had lost it. I had just left a bag there at our table that had a couple of cheap souvenirs. I was soooo tired and it was late and I had a headache and we were on the shuttle leaving when I realized it! I almost didn't go back. But we did and when I got back there a man who i think was the manager asked me if i had lost any money. i said that I didn't think so but my sister told me to check. she also told the guy that I was really honest and didn't even let her go movie hopping when we were together! Like that would matter! I checked my purse and sure enough there was money missing. The guy asked about how much and I said maybe about 75 bucks. He said is was 76.00 and handed it to me. I cound't believe it. As we walked away, I started to cry. It was an overwhelming feeling. Anyone could have picked it up and kept it. It really touched me that I felt like God gave me a little gift and here I was in a seedy casino surrounded by smoke and booze, feeling sick and tired and just wanting to go to bed. I am so glad I listened to that feeling to go back because I really did almost decide not to.

There were a few ups and downs. When you get 6 women together for 5 days there are bound to be little tiffs but the thing I like is that we always make up quick and no one holds a grudge. I am the only one who is active LDS among us so I did tend to temper our outings a little but there are just some things that even I won't do!

well, It was great! sorry I haven't written for a while. I needed to recuperate!

stress

Hey there!

I only have a minute to write but I wanted to let you know I am leaving today for my sister's weekend in Vegas! YEA BABY! I could sure use the break! I had the same sickness my kids had but I have something more too. Today is our baby's permancy hearing. I think I have worried about it so much that I have made myself sick. I have a terrible headache that I have had for 3 days and I can hardly bend over or move because of the pain. It's so stupid to worry and make myself sick but I heard the birth mother might have gotten married to the guy she was with before they went to jail. He also beat her up while she was pregnant with my babyand I worry that they ight fight to get him back. I just don't get how some people can be so stupid over and over. Not a very Christ like attitude is it? It's hard after all this time and all the work I did with the birthmom to have her completely revert to the way she was. Anyway..... Have a great weekend and wish me luck! I let ya know what happens!

oh, the joys

I was awaken last night a 3:00 am by my 6 year old S. He said he didn't feel good and proceeded to throw up! Of course, I dash out of bed steering my child toward the toilet. This happened over and over until I pulled myself out of bed at 8:30am.

A little while later my 3 year old H. wanted me to hold her while I folded laundry. And she said she was tired. (which can mean alot of things). I picked her up and 10 seconds later she threw up all over the front of me and the clothes I had been folding! I run, carrying her to the bathroom.

That bathroom was a disaster so I decided to clean it quickly and put my baby in the tub to play while I did. He had soaked through his diaper and well, that about says it. Well, H. wanted to get in with him so I let her and she threw up again in the tub.

Well, we get everyone all cleaned up, turn on old yeller and relax. I am happy to report, no more puke so far. Normally, I might have my husband here to help but he left early this morning to hunt with his brother for the day. I am taking "airborn" in hopes that I will not get sick myself. I sure hop it works! See ya!

The things we do

I am pretty much an old fashioned girl who loves horses, lives in the country, loves camping and outdoor stuff. I love the smell of the outdoors, I don't mind getting dirty or gutting fish and eating it over a campfire. Well, I started something new this last spring that is unusual for me. I got acrillic nails. Or fake nails. However you want to say it. I had started biting my nails (I don't know why) and hated the habbit. I have this, soft nails that bend and tear easy and thought that getting fake nails would help. Well, I have had them for a while now and I love it! They make me feel so feminine. I do get them done pretty short still because I do play piano and guitar which is more difficult now but it is so fun! I love how girly I feel and how much prettier and put together I feel. Isn't it amazing that something so little can make a woman feel good?

My husband is a country boy who would just assume I don't do it but is always supportive. It is a fun thing. I don't know how long I will keep them but I love them for now.

Fannie Farmer

How many of you have ever used the Fannie Farmer cookbook? OH MY GOSH! I love it! I saw it first at my sister's house and couldn't believe how many recipes are in there! I love it because it has EVERYTHING! Literally! I didn't know what I wanted for dinner tonight so I looked through it (and the recipes are REALLY easy) and found one for Deviled chicken so I made that one. It is still baking so I don't know how it will turn out but it looked good!

I never was a great cook but I try and I love to learn new things. It is never too late to become great at lots of different things. Like motherhood for example. I've been at this job for about 10 years now and have yet to see and instruction manual. I admit I have a hard time not losing my cool when I walk into my room to sit down at my computer and find pencil shavings all over my desk like I did just now. My 10 year old had just sharpened a pencil and dumped the contents of the electric sharpener on my desk and floor! He was sharpening the pencil because he had gotten in trouble and his punishment to write "I will not be run to my Mom anymore" 30 times!

Need I say more.

My 6 year old just asked me what I like to do most with my kids. I said, "spank them." He said, "no, it has to be something fun." It makes me laugh! Even when they drive me crazy, I love them sooo much!

my blessings

I am feeling really down today. I really don't know why. I have no reason to complain so I am going to count my blessings. I hear that it helps.

1. I have a stong testimony of the gospel.
2. I have a good relationship with heavenly father.
3. I have a wonderful, caring, giving husband that I really don't deserve.
4. I have beautiful, perfect children who I enjoy
5. I have a nice spacious house in the country that I can constantly clean to keep me out of trouble.
6. I have 4 beautiful horses and 2 mules to play with.
7. I have a loving golden retriever who only wants to please me and never seems able to!
8. I eat fresh eggs from my chicken on a daily basis.
9. I have a huge yard to play in and mow when I need exercize.
10. I have a body that does work most of the time and is pain free if I don't move.
11. I have a car that works and gets me from a to b.
12. I have a great friend I count as a sister who would do anything for me and who I don't feel uncomfortable asking. (thankyou Lisa)
13. I have clothes to wear
14. I have money that comes in regularly so I can pay my bills.
15. I have a loving and supportive ward.
16. My prayers are always answered in ways I can hear and understand.
17. I have talents I love and enjoy using. (music, singing, playing piano and guitar)
18. I have sisters and brothers who love me no matter what.
19 I have a nice computer if I could just learn how to use it!
20. I have been given life and feel I am honestly doing my best.

Wow! I do feel better! I have many more blessings but these are the ones that came to my mind first!