I'm in a quandry and would like some outside input.
This summer has been extremely busy with all the action around Wyatt's adoption and sealing. The sealing was beautiful but I have to be honest. I did not love the Ogden temple. I had asked for a small room as I had not invited tons of people and I wanted it to be cozy.
They gave us a huge room with like 80 seats and so it looked empty with just the few of us there. I am really in to ambiance so this did not give the desired effect. It didn't seem bright either. It almost felt like the lights were turned down or something. Didn't love that.
But the ceremony was beautiful, my kids were beautiful in white and Wyatt of course did great. Half the family got sick during the week so Bry, Wyatt, Heidi and Gabe all felt crappy. Luckily Jake, Seth and I felt fine.
My one sister who can't even go through the temple was there with a couple of her kids. Her one daughter was able to be inside with us. The thing I love is that she is always there. She asks for the details and says "I'll be there! Wouldn't miss it for the world!" She makes me feel so loved and important.
I have always felt like an outsider with most of my family since my mom died and my Dad moved away. I feel like I have never fit in. I am the only one out of 8 natural born kids that is active in the church. Many times there have been heated discussions about religion. I have often felt like they are antagonistic about the church. I don't go out of my way to invite them to spiritual, or religious activities we have for this reason. It's just uncomfortable for me and Bryan.
My opinion is that if they really wanted to be there, they would say so like Sister #1 did with our sealing. I invited them to Wyatt's adoption because it was going to be really cool and I thought their families would enjoy it. In fact, I invited them twice because the first time they gave no reaction or answer. I got the same thing the second time. I guess I just felt like they weren't interested. So I didn't formally invite anyone to the temple. I heard later that their feelings were supposedly hurt that I hadn't.
I just don't know what to do. I have never felt like anyone in my family really liked me. I get tired of feeling like a third wheel. I get tired of not fitting in and I get tired of being criticized for not doing it right when it comes to my sisters.
A lot of bad stuff has happened lately between my sisters and me that may never heal. So, the thing is, I am very hurt. They claim to be hurt by me that I never invite them to anything yet the things I have invited them to they didn't want to do. It is a cycle that never seems to end. We will have Wyatt's blessing coming up soon and can't decide what to do about it. Bry doesn't want to invite anyone. In fact, he'd like the church to be empty! lol He doesn't like to be the center of attention! Or doing something that feels so special and sacred in front of people who don't believe in it or feel that sacredness.
I went with my friend Tash to my sister's house this week so she could sell some of the awesome jewelry she makes. After we left, she told me I act different around them then I do normally. She said I acted insecure and more defensive. I didn't even know I did that. I still can't think of anything I did differently but maybe it is so automatic that I don't even notice it. It made me sad. My family really doesn't even know me but I don't feel like they really want to anyway. Maybe that's why I am different around them. Sad.
So, the question is, do I invite them to the blessing or not? I don't want it to be uncomfortable for anyone so I lean toward not and just avoiding all that but is that the right answer?
Welcome, Tamara Hanks Grantham! - Crimson Tree Publishing is proud to present Bloodthorn, Olive Kennedy Fairy World MD Book 3, by Tamara Grantham! Olive Kennedy doesn’t believe in ...
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