I should write something new and wonderful. I am just SO tired! I haven't been sleeping well and have been so busy that I swear, I just fall into bed!

I can now see the baby any time I want. I am now the legal guarding of my beautiful new baby boy! I have decided to name him Jonah. It really fits him. I hope to adopt him but if not, it is better to have loved and lost......

I put up a wall with Gabe and it has been hard turning it around but I am doing it slowly but surely! So with this baby, I will just assume he will be mine and if he is not, I will just have a broken heart.

Anyway, I need to fall into bed! So, good night!

New Baby.

What a beautiful experience! Look at my beautiful baby!

He was so adorable and small! He is 3 lbs and 11oz now. He will probably be there for at least another month.

I can't wait until I go back. They are rushing my licensing through since I let it expire and I have to go visit him with the case worker until I am official. What a pain because she can't go again until Tues! Anyway, I adore him already!

A Beautiful Day!

It is a wonderful day! Today I will meet my new baby! I thought I was done. I have given almost all my baby clothes away. I had mentally accepted that the baby days are over.

Now they are not! Bryan and I are so happy about this. It is so hard to go through struggles and not understand why. I KNOW the impression I had last fall that there was another baby for us was true. I knew that it was a boy. When I miscarried, I was flabbergasted. I didn't get it.... because at the time I also knew I would never have anymore children of my own (physically). It through me for a loop. Which impression do you listen to? You just go on living hoping you get the answer some day.

Well, I feel like I have. There is no way I would take another baby if I were pregnant. No way! I really feel like this baby is mine. I hope it turns out to be true because if I have learned anything in life, it is that most things do NOT turn out as you planned or go the way you are most comfortable with!

Anyway, I will let you all know how it goes and in more detail. Lisa wants to come with me so I will have her take some pictures too.

What a world I live in. A world where they call you on the phone and say, "We have a brand new born baby for you...... for free. Would you like it?" How cool!

Those of you who can't have children and want to grow your family, this is the way to do it! They don't want you going in to foster care with the attitude only of adoption but it goes that way often.

I finally got my pictures from our trip downloaded. they are so cute and I know you would love to see them so hear goes......

These first ones are from the sheep ranch and this last one was from the camp out. This was such a fun trip and so relaxing. Wish I could put more pictures on but it wont let me!

4th of July quiz

I took this test and got a 24. Bry got a 21. I took great pleasure in getting a better score since HE is the history buff! Anyway, try it for yourselves.

Okay you red-blooded Americans... let's see how you do on this test:

Very interesting questions. How well would you do if you took the citizenship test.

Try this out - educational and fun. 24 out of 30 is considered a passing grade. Supposedly 96% of all High School seniors FAILED this test...AND if that's not bad enough, 50+% of all individuals over 50 did too!!, and we WONDER why America 's in the shape she's in?

Go to the link below. Take the test and be surprised at what we don't know.





At: http://games.toast.net/independence/

Click on the link and put in a few bits of information and then take the test. Items like general age, etc!

New News

OK, there us entirely too much drama in my life. Get this. DCFS called yesterday. That is Department of Children and Family Services. R, Gabriel's birth mom had her other 3 children taken away again and not only that, but she just had a brand new baby 3 weeks ago that was premature like Gabe was and is in the hospital.

They wanted to know if we would take one or all of the kids since we already have Gabe. I had let my license laps since I figured I was done. I told the gal that we would take the baby but had no room to take the others. I just done have enough rooms or beds. Sad. Or sanity for that matter.

I hadn't even known that R was pregnant again. this makes 5 for her. Our worker is going to see if and how fast they can get my license active again because they want me to start going in to the hospital to hold and bond to the baby.

It is so sad to me. Our worker didn't know where R was and so I searched her out and found out that she is in jail so I will go see her. You see, our worker thinks they may be going for non-reunification. Which means the mother doesn't get him back but she is married now to this jerk that she supposedly left this last spring because he beats her all the time. He would probably make a stink about giving him up. His family is awful to deal with (we found out last time) and So to put it bluntly, I am going to ask her what her intentions are and if she would just let us adopt this baby and give him a better life.

Just think, if she still had Gabe, he'd be in a foster home right now. I am so glad she asked us to adopt him. It was his birthday yesterday. He is 3 and so adorable! Do you like the "no underpants picture"?

I'll let you know what happens.

We're Home!

I'm HOME!!! And let me tell you, It was a great trip! We had so much fun! I have pictures that I will download but I just wanted to let you all know we were back.

We are thinking of moving to South Dakota. I never would have dreamed it. But this is our chance to own land and do a little farming which is Bryan's dream. We found and 80 acre lot there that is irrigated, beautiful with trees and big fields for between 1500 and 2000 and acre. It is next to my relatives sheep ranch and we love it. The kids would go to school Mon. through Thrs. which they would love.

We would be a part of a branch which I haven't experienced since my mission! WOW! I guess I am just ready for an adventure. You know what I mean.? I have had a feeling of discontent for a while now and I am wondering if it was in preparation for doing this. I don't know, but we feel good about it. I can't believe I want to leave the house I just painted! But it will sell better now!

For anyone looking. We will ask for about $300,000 ( I need to get it appraised). It has 2 kitchens, 2 laundry rooms, 4 bedrooms, a HUGE shop/garage, a big tub with jets, big family room, on 2 acres, fully fenced (or will be when we leave) and is in a great ward. There are other good things too but I won't list them all here.

Anyway, this is the latest news. I will tell about the trip when I get the pictures.

hello and goodbye!

I haven't written for a few days (obviously). It has been an up and down week, I'll tell you! We are leaving on our family trip of the summer and to make a long story short, the hubby decided he didn't have time to go on a trip at the last minute when we had been planning for months.

Well, you can probably guess how that conversation went if you know me well at all. To make a long story short, he has changed his mind. Lucky for him.

We leave Friday to get Jake and then go camping next week at a lake in Wyoming that is so beautiful but I can't remember what it is called.

Tash came over today, and you know, she makes that awesome jewelry, well, my sister was here and I had told Tash to bring her stuff and wow! S couldn't but enough! Loved it and had Tash make her some right then!

I was making curtains for my new, old camper and in the middle, my extremely expensive 65 dollar sewing machine broke! Dang! Lisa said she'd bring over hers and I am still waiting Lisa!!!! You better not forget me!!

Anyway, I am tired and want to relax so I think I will go play my heathen computer game! love you all! Bye!

Oh my word!!! Get this! I opened up the dryer and I saw red! Literally. To make a long story short, Heidi had given Seth my dark red fingernail polish FOR SOME REASON and he had put it in his pocket. It was fine going through the wash I guess but had opened up in the dryer!


Believe me, I was furious! Mostly because I should have checked his pockets and didn't. He is famous for leaving stuff in his pockets. It didn't take long to get the truth out of them and I made Seth clean it up. He used my whole bottle of polish remover to do it too!. Man!

Luckily it was mostly his stuff that was ruined! Mostly old play clothes and NOTHING of mine was ruined because luckily I didn't have anything nice in that batch. He is very lucky too because.... well, I'll leave it to your imaginations!

I finished Jake's room today. He is in South Dakota visiting family you know, and I wanted to surprise him because his room was the only one I never got to when I re-painted and redecorated the whole house at Christmas. I did it in an army theme. I painted it two colors of tan which looks really good and bought a quilt set at Walmart with a quilt that is reversible and has a bed skirt and pillow shams to match. I bought the appliques to put on the walls and a throw pillow for his bed that goes with the decor! I also sewed him curtains to match. They came out a little crooked and that bugs me but maybe he won't notice that small detail. It looks SO good! He will be so happy and surprised! I hope!

It is amazing how just a little time makes something that was plain and boring, beautiful and fun. It was not hard work, just time consuming. And only a little time at that.

So that is what I have been doing. I would take a picture but I am too tired today!

What a fabulous Day!I got up and made apple Cinnamon pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon for breakfast. We left for the Honeyville parade which was small but the kids got so much candy that I actually through some of it away! Naughty mommy!

The whole fan damly came up for the park fun which you can see here. There were pie eating contest, and a contest to catch live trout in a pond with your bare hands, and all sorts of other fun. I got sunburned there!

We came home to our house and for the first time in ages, all 5 of us girls were together! We basically played "Settlers" all day and in the evening, had a bar b que. Ike is the dog you see here. He is my sister's dog. He smiles. Can you see it? I am in the background.

These were the fireworks that night. They were fabulous! They went on steadily for a half hour! With wonderful music. I kept thinking that this had to be it and then it would keep going! The family loved it. No one could believe how long and wonderful they were! LOVE that!

Seth here, was in the pie eating contest next to his cousin. He barely at the top crust! I think he just wanted the pie and couldn't care less if he won or not!

What a great day. The food, fun and family were all perfect. I love a good holiday!

This last picture is of the boys on the ride home. It was after 11:00pm and they were tired and ornery! A good way to end the day!

The land of the free

What wonderful women you all are! How I love you! How I love your support! I'm sure we all have days like I did on Sunday. My pitty party is over though so thank you!

Tomorrow is the 4th! It is my all time favorite! There is something wonderful about it for me. Not just what it means. The freedoms we enjoy and the wonderful men and women out there working to keep it that way but just the ambiance of the day.

The hot summer smell, bar-b-q's, the smell of the sun on the grass, the smell of runners coming over the finish line at the local 5k race, the smell of horses in the parade, the smell of the fireworks exploding overhead. I love it all! I have a very sensitive smeller and I have always been affected physically and mentally by the smells around me.

When I am pregnant it is awful but like now, when farmers cut their alphapha, I love to roll my window down to let it waft in.

The 4th has an affect that makes me feel nostalgic. Like a kid again. It's all about fish ponds and pie eating contests! I LOVE IT!!!

Plus, my b -day is in July, and then there is the 24th which is a lot like the 4th all over again! It is the best month of the year!

I hope your holiday is as wonderful as I anticipate mine being!!

What a day. The play was a success! It was a blast and so much fun. I think I am a little depressed it is over. I became so close to those people.

Today, in relief society, I was sitting in my seat that I had used for Sunday school. All the men had left and women were filing in. I was reading a book a lady had brought for her lesson. "Doctrines of Salvation". Anyway, I had never read it and I was fascinated with it.

When I looked up, The whole room was full. Almost every seat was filled except for my row. I was the only one on it. I was sitting in the second chair in. I sat there alone looking around at all my "friends".

I had to admit, I was surprised. I have lived in this ward for 5 years now. I am usually the one who always reaches out and is friendly to other people and now, when I had not been to one to reach out, I sat alone. Now, I could be a little hormonal but it hurt my feelings.

I have tried to have close relationships with some of the gals in my ward who I really like. It never took. I realize people are busy and I would just brush it off as that. Today, I feel like feeling sad about it. I can see why there are people who go inactive when they feel unwanted in their ward.

Just so you have a little history, I have grown up in the church, I have always had a strong testimony and I am a returned missionary, sealed in the temple etc.... Yet today, I wished I had never gone to church . I was more depressed by the time I got home then I had been in a long time.

This is not something that has just happened for the first time. It happens all the time. Our ward has also grown so fast that I swear I don't know half the people anymore. I guess I just feel like I don't fit in and I am tired of trying to make friends where it is one sided.

I have only 2 really close friends. 2 other women who feel as close as sisters. Who I can truly be myself with. That is fine by me. I don't have time for more then that. I guess I just wish.....well, I don't know what I wish. Maybe I just wish that I felt more wanted in my ward. Wanted for me. Not just my voice, as in the choir wants me to always show up.

I'm tired. Just plain tired. I think I should go to bed before I incriminate myself any more!