Friday, December 15, 2006

Hey out there. Where is everyone? I guess I need to start visiting YOUR sites once in a while if I want you to visit mine. *smile*

Anyway, I am in a quandry. Ever since I had my IUD taken out, I have been very hormonal. They say it doesn't affect you systemically but I am beginning to disagree. I totally notice a difference.

I am at a crossroads in life. For the last 2 months I have been totally fine about not having any more kids. This month I feel different about it. My sister thinks it just homones and to IGNORE them!!! She thinks I have too much on my plate already and she is right. Yet........

Bryan thinks I want to fill a void. That is true too. I feel like I am a great mom except to my adopted baby who drives me nuts. I feel terrible admitting it but I don't know how to change it. I keep remembering some prophet saying how LDS women will be the only ones willing to have more that 1 or 2 kids in the last days. I almost feel like I am not fulfilling my calling if I don't have more kids. I love my babies and I would love to have another baby, yet, I really don't need the stress and more work that comes with it.

None of my prayers are being answered about it in a way I understand. I have been wanting to give away all my darling baby clothes and things to others who may need them and yet I cannot bring myself to do it! It's making me crazy and it is constantly on my mind, consuming all my thoughts.

I do wonder if it is because it is that time when the hormones are raging. So the question is, how do I know what I should do? I need an angel to come down and advise me.

Bry doesn't want more of course, but he didn't want more after our first so I don't really trust his opinion in that! The reason it's all coming to a head is because I want to get another IUD. I can't stand these hormonal fluctuations, worrying about getting pregnant, and that awful monthly you know what. I had forgotten how awful.

So, poor me. That's my day!


Lisa said...

My dear dear dear heart..

I always say, make a decision and go with it. If in three months you feel exactly the same way.. there there ya go.

Ask B to fast and pray about it.

I really have no advice for ya.

I mean LOOK at me. I am the oldest Mother around with a young child, and well.. you know. Goodness.

Why do you have a void? I think that might be a question.

Love you my dear!

Tash said...

I agree with lisa, you need to find why you have that void. children shouldn't be the ones to fill yourself up with. think of the mom's we meet in foster care, they have baby's because they feel a need to fill an emotional void in their life's and look where it gets them, and the kids....

I would write down on a paper the pro's and con's and then pray about each, decide if its the emotions making the decision or the spirit. I know i have a hard time deciding sometimes what im listening to.

And yes the church says we will be the ones in the latter days to have kids, yet that doens't mean each of us is called to have many children. some of us are blessed with the ablity to have more than others. I know for one i am not one who will have alot, i know idealistically i would love to have a big family. but i know emotionally i am not capable of doing this.

so write it down. pray and fast, and remeber sometimes turmoil or confusion is your answer as well, if it brings confusion then maybe your answer is your looking at the wrong question. Maybe you need to examine what the initial problem is before you can come up with the right solution.

for example, with our finacial situation our first thought was to find a different job for nate, or me go to work. yet all these answers brought more confusion. we finally figured out that we were asking for the wrong thing....the question wasn't where does nate go to find work to support his family, but what are we doing to make ourselves worthy for the blessings we want. when we figured out what the question was the solution was easy...(well not easy, but at least gave us a direction) We sat down the other day and prayed about what we could do to make ourselves more worthy to recieve help, and we got a clear answer with no confusion so now we have a plan!!

Hope this helps, ....:) you like a sister to me :) love ya Natasha

Charlotte said...

So, I finally made it over here! I think it's awesome that we just "happen" to have pretty much the same layout on our blog site's.

Since I don't have any kids (heck, I just got engaged for the first time), I don't have too much wisdom to offer here. But, remind me--what is your family make-up? I know you have at least one girl (Heidi), and at least one boy (Jacob), and then that you've adopted a child. Is that your family, or is there another child or two there as well? What about animals? It seems like you have a bunch of them, right?

Just trying to get caught back up. It's been awhile since I've checked in with you!


melissa c said...

I had a long talk with Lisa today about it all. She mentioned how sometimes that void that some women feel, really is a missing person in that family. That did happen with my mom. She KNEW there was one more.

Well, I had really pondered and had decided over the last little while that I would go back on birth control and not have any more children. Figured it was just the hormones. That was when all the confusion and frustration started. I can see that now. I even got on the internet and researched the different kinds of birth control and had decided on the NuvaRing. I really felt anxiety and frustration after that although I did not connect it.

After a lot of prayer and good advice, I have decided to do nothing.

I am not going to prevent nor necessarily try to get pregnant. It's not like I get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Maybe this void I feel really is someone missing from my family. For a long time I felt there WAS one more but tried to talk myself out of it.

I almost feel embarrassed saying I want more when I have 4 already and am 36 years old. I have noticed that now a days, people are looked down on and criticized when they want big families or more kids at my age.

I do feel emotionally capable. I do feel ablot of frustration with Gabe but that may take years to get better.

So there it is.