Thursday, February 12, 2009

Are YOU an ogre?

My life is exciting. It really is. There are days when I have to convince myself of that fact, but for the most part, it is.

I watched a news program this morning that talked about how a happy wife is very sexy. Husbands don't want to come home and hear about how awful their wife's day was. Men feel that their wife is an extension of them in some form, so when the wife is unhappy, it must be their fault. (On an unconscious level, of course.)

I don't doubt that this theory is true. I can't count the times my hubby has said that he just wants me to be happy.

So, I have made an effort to remember how happy I am--sometimes this takes a vast amount of effort--so that I can enjoy my life.

I really do have a great life. So why then, am I so ornery? Why do I look forward to seeing my kids after school, only to argue and bicker with them all afternoon. How can I say I adore them, yet I can't wait for them to go to bed?

I really took this to heart this week as it has been constantly on my mind. My kids don't know this, but I have been pretending that they aren't my kids, but friends of mine. I ask myself, "if I were with a girlfriend, how would I respond to whatever my kids are doing or saying?" I wanted to see if I would say or do something different than normal.

As I have done his, I have found that with my children, I am impatient, ornery, negative and irritable. I have had to face the truth because I don't want my kids growing up saying I was no fun at all.

Now this is not to say that I let them get away with murder, or get away with anything for that matter. It just means I'm trying to be nicer. Trying to make my first reaction to whatever they do or say a little more pleasant.

I remind myself of my mother. She was great in her own way, but she was ornery. A lot. At least that I remember. She battled depression, she battled rebellious teenagers, and my family didn't have much money during that time. She hated her body, hated to cook and most often tried to escape through books and alone time.

Even though she did a lot right, like make us take piano, taught us to clean, taught us to be independent and made us close, she seemed unhappy most of the time. I have found myself falling into this rut. I find myself escaping into books, or the bathtub or my writing when I could be enjoying my kids company. They really are fun kids who would love a mom to be fun back once in a while.

To sum up. I have the bad habit of being an ogre 90% of the time. It's only a habit. Habits can be changed. I'm just grateful I have been given this little vision into myself before it's too late.


Jeri said...

I think it is so funny how we as women tend to think we are all alone with these deep dark secrets and bad habits... yet when we start sharing - we find that we are all battling the same types of things.

This blog post could have be on my blog - in fact, I could just copy it, change a few little details, and voila! it's ME - ogre mommy herself. But I too am working really hard at being better at this. And I do think I am making progress.

WE can do it TOGETHER!

S'mee said...

Ditto to what Jeri said. I think moms in general get caught up in the business of their life and forget that everything they want is right there in front of us.

As liberated or feminist as we all claim to be, we all want a man, we all want a kid or two, ad we all want to be happy. Some of those may not always be in our control, but happiness always is.

Lisa M. said...

I have often wondered these thoughts myself.

I totally agree with S'mee.

I am sorry I couldn't answer the phone when you called today. I was in Provo for work.

If P has work off tomorrow, we will see you tomorrow night! Be sure to call us, and let us know where we are going to dinner.

Tash said...

I agree being a mom is a lot tougher than its cracked up to be. We think as kids..when we have kids we are going to do this better, and different than our own parents..and lo and behold we end up doing the same things we hated our parents doing..sigh everyday i make a pact to try and do things better...i think its a learning process, and some days im ahead..and somedays im the big bad ogre lol

Junipers Jules said...

I agree whole-heartedly! I have been reading blogs that talk about making home a safe-haven, but it is so hard. The bickering, arguing AAGGH! I need to work on this too. That is a good idea about treating them like your friends (without them knowing of course). Here is a post another blogger did that I think has wonderful ideas. and part 2=

hi, it's me! melissa c said...

Thanks Jules for your ideas! I will def. check out those other blogs. Glad to know I'm not alone! lol

Jennie said...

good for you! i don't have any kiddos, but i feel the same way about my hubby. i need to focus on being happy and enjoying life with him!

this is a great lesson! thanks so much for sharing and opening my eyes to my own behavior!