It is strange how times go by so fast and things you mean to do never get done. I have had a feeling for a long time now, to read my patriarchal blessing. I hadn't read it in ages. Every time I plan to sit down and do it, something comes up.

This morning, I was helping Bry prepare his priesthood lesson. He teaches the Elders in our ward. Bry is a convert and sometimes he has a hard time understanding some things. Like, when we read through his lesson together and he laughs and says " I didn't understand one thing in there!" He is so cute. We talk about it and I try to clear up the things I know but this lesson which is on the priesthood is actually pretty deep. I had to ask him to read things over and we would talk about it. I love doing this with him. It brings us close and really brings the spirit.

I have been trying for 13 years to talk him in to getting his patriarchal blessing. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want someone telling him his future! I laugh at that. I think he is just afraid to but that is neither here nor there. I decided to read mine to him after our lesson hashing and he doesn't ever remember me reading it to him before. I am sure I have but I don't remember either.

I sobbed clear through it. I had forgotten how beautiful it was. It reminded me of what I need to be doing and the person I need to become. I was very touched and I think he was too. He has a hard time talking about his spiritual feelings though so who knows! I wanted him to understand that it doesn't tell your future, just gives you an understanding of what life can hold for you. I LOVE my blessing. It gives me hope. I do not feel like I am the person it describes and I feel like most things have not come to pass yet. I can't imagine being that person who it talks about.

I think it stems from feeling like I have strayed spiritually a little bit. I don't mean that my testimony isn't strong, just that I have not been very dedicated to my calling, personal prayers and scripture study. Sometimes, I feel very unmotivated and the only thing that keeps me going is my kids. I so desperately want to be a good example to them. I want them to be stalwart. I want them to feel the spirit and know the gospel is true. I want them to feel what I feel when I makes the least bit of effort.

Anyway, this is what I have been thinking about this morning. I just finished a book called "Traitors and Tyrants". It was wonderful and really got me thinking. I feel like Heavenly Father is trying to tell me something! With all the trials, which have been very difficult lately, yet all the wonderful things happening at the same time, I feel like he is telling me to stay strong, stay valiant, these things will pass and joy waits for me at the end.

I really feel blessed amid all the torture I have felt lately. And after reading what the early saints went through, my life is a piece of cake!