Thursday, April 10, 2008

Before the Dawn

As usual, I am reading a new book. This is one of the most poignant and soulful stories I have ever read. I have sobbed clear through it. Partly because it is written in such a heartfelt way but also because the Spirit touches you when you read it.

I really relate to the main character in the story too. I have felt like she feels. It amazes me that a man could write this and yet, get it so right from a woman's point of view. I am having a hard time putting it down. I find the bath water is cold because I have stayed in so long to read. Then I carry it back to the bed with me and devour a few more pages.

I love the way Dean Hughes writes. This story takes place during the depression. It means a lot to me because my Gram Janie used to tell me stories about it. This book makes it come to life for me. I really had no idea what those times were like for people. It worries me that we are headed there now ourselves.

It makes me want to tell my kids how much I love them and how grateful I am to Bry for working so hard and being the great guy he is. Life could be so much worse and we get caught up in our little problems day to day that we forget. We forget that there is a mother out there who doesn't care if she loses weight. Her main worry is how she will feed HER 5 kids. Maybe she doesn't have a husband who helps her.

I watched the "Idol gives back" show and was very touched by the people in Africa. Seeing the mother with tears streaming down her face as she watches her 9 month old baby barely staying alive due to malaria. I look at my 9 month old and thank God everyday that he is healthy and perfect.

I have days like yesterday where I feel sorry for myself and then I pull myself up by my bootstraps and realize I live like a queen. I have a beautiful home I can clean. I have plenty of food to eat and give my kids. So much that I have to TRY to not eat so much. My family is healthy and I have health care I can afford.

I have a man who has never hurt me in a physical way, let alone ever called me a name. He kisses me goodbye everyday and prays with me yet I still find the energy to complain that he isn't home more. Sometimes I just want to yell at myself! "SHUT UP!!!" I say! Shut up and quit being a baby!!! Pull your head out of your #&* and do something positive!

That is what I did today. Today, I will count my blessings and do something for someone else rather than complain that I wear a size 14!!


Lisa M. said...

I understand completely how you feel. There are days when I just want to (and do) scream and cry because my life is soooooo unfair.

And then there are days where I am enormously grateful for all of my blessings.

It's kind of a spinning wheel.

I am grateful to have the ups and the downs, even if I don't act like I am.

Thanks for the reminder.

(You are a beautiful the way you are. When you are thinner you look like a string bean! (and I am not kidding) I think you're perfect.

melissa c said...

You make me laugh! Isn't it funny how we women are? If we have curly hair, we want straight. My mom, when she was young used to pray to gain weight because she was so thin and hated it. Curves were in.

Chubby girls want to be thin. Pretty girls want to be prettier, everyone wants to be richer. Are we EVER satisfied? lol

Who knows! It all makes me laugh if I let myself.

Lisa M. said...

Oh I am satisfied.

A good steak, a diet cola, a twinkie and some apple pie, good movie, not having to move, and then something really good for dessert, like cheesecake.

Yup, such perfection.

Yolanda said...

Can I come?