When you dream, dream big. As deep as the ocean, as wide as the sky, as far as the sea and as free as the wind.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Today is the 13th anniversary of my mom passing away from breast cancer. It has gotten easier as time has gone by but I still miss her so much.
She Died on Feb. 1, 1995. I was married Feb 18, 1995. It was such a sad as well as happy time. I think it was a blessing for us to have a wedding to look forward to and to plan. I think it took a little of the sting away. At least for me.
I remember waking up on my wedding day and I could distinctly feel her there. It was very strong. I remember even talking to her asking if she was there. It was so.....well, words can't describe it. All of us felt that she was there. When my younger sister and I were feeling sorry for ourselves one day, talking about it (a few years later), she said, "well, at least she was at your wedding." Then we realized that physically, she wasn't. It made us laugh.
We were able to dress our mother after she died. We did her hair and her makeup. We painted her toenails bright red. (we wanted her to be stylish when she resurrected!) It was a neat time for us. We have always been close as a family and it was an experience I will never forget. We laughed and let humor numb us for a bit.
We (my sisters and I) sang Danny Boy in 4 part harmony at the funeral. It is a fun memory for me because we usually sound so good when we sing and that time, it was awful! I remember we were totally off in the harmony and we were singing a cappella. It embarrassed me but also made me laugh. Anyway, Danny Boy was one of Mom's favorites.
I still feel her watching over me. She isn't always here but I know when she is. She is with me now as I write this. I can just tell. I have always been able to.
Friends out there... Love your mothers. They are not perfect and some make a lot of mistakes. I know mine did. But they love us unconditionally and there aren't many people who do. Appreciate every kiss, hug, criticism, and argument. I would give anything to have a good old fashioned argument with mine! Ours were always good ones!
I wish I would have been a better daughter. I wish I would have been more giving and patient. I wish I had done many things differently but regrets are empty. I will just vow to do better in the future. Thanks Mom. I love you.