Friday, February 01, 2008




Today is the 13th anniversary of my mom passing away from breast cancer. It has gotten easier as time has gone by but I still miss her so much.

She Died on Feb. 1, 1995. I was married Feb 18, 1995. It was such a sad as well as happy time. I think it was a blessing for us to have a wedding to look forward to and to plan. I think it took a little of the sting away. At least for me.

I remember waking up on my wedding day and I could distinctly feel her there. It was very strong. I remember even talking to her asking if she was there. It was so.....well, words can't describe it. All of us felt that she was there. When my younger sister and I were feeling sorry for ourselves one day, talking about it (a few years later), she said, "well, at least she was at your wedding." Then we realized that physically, she wasn't. It made us laugh.

We were able to dress our mother after she died. We did her hair and her makeup. We painted her toenails bright red. (we wanted her to be stylish when she resurrected!) It was a neat time for us. We have always been close as a family and it was an experience I will never forget. We laughed and let humor numb us for a bit.

We (my sisters and I) sang Danny Boy in 4 part harmony at the funeral. It is a fun memory for me because we usually sound so good when we sing and that time, it was awful! I remember we were totally off in the harmony and we were singing a cappella. It embarrassed me but also made me laugh. Anyway, Danny Boy was one of Mom's favorites.

I still feel her watching over me. She isn't always here but I know when she is. She is with me now as I write this. I can just tell. I have always been able to.

Friends out there... Love your mothers. They are not perfect and some make a lot of mistakes. I know mine did. But they love us unconditionally and there aren't many people who do. Appreciate every kiss, hug, criticism, and argument. I would give anything to have a good old fashioned argument with mine! Ours were always good ones!

I wish I would have been a better daughter. I wish I would have been more giving and patient. I wish I had done many things differently but regrets are empty. I will just vow to do better in the future. Thanks Mom. I love you.

See you in a bit.

10 comments:

Charlotte said...

The few times that I was able to be with your mom, I was impressed with how accepting she was. Also, she was a lot of fun!

I'd bet just about anything that she's proud of you.

melissa c said...

Thank you Char. I hope so!

Anonymous said...

Hi Melissa. It's Miriam Daugs Jones. It's been nearly 7 years since my mom passed away--I can't imagine 13. I can hear your moms laugh in my mind, and see her walk. She was an incredible woman--so faithful in reading her scriptures and of course--journaling!!! I think you three younger girls were the light of her life. She would just beam when the three of you were singing around the piano or the campfire. Some days it must feel like she's already been gone forever and it will take eternity until you see her again. Sometimes I still wish I could pick up the phone and call my mom--let my kids talk to her. I'm sure your mom would absolutely love what you have done with your life so far and be so proud of your children. My thoughts are with you and your siblings today. --Miriam

melissa c said...

Wow Miriam! I am so glad to hear from you!

I often wonder how you are. We ought to get together some time!

Thank you for commenting. I hope you are doing well! Love you babe!

Yolanda said...

This was a beautiful post, a little hard for me to read due to my current situation, but it makes me so grateful for the gospel...Thanks for sharing this day with us. She sounds like an amazing woman!

xoxo Yolanda

chronicler said...

What a nice tribute Melissa. I can see now where your beauty comes from! You resemble her quite a bit!

Anonymous said...

Hey Missy,
I've never gotten on your site and read. I loved your thoughts about mom. Made me cry:( Sarah told me you wrote. I've been mess this year. All week, I've been tearful and didn't know why until I realized the date. Being in Utah makes it harder...more memories here. We missed you at Iceberg today. I made up a quiz for the kids about 'Gma Judy' and they were so interested and cute. Next year, I'll make a concentration game! I miss her face, her smile, her 'K-r-i-s-t-i-n-a' in her falsetto voice calling me, her nagging and her friendship. I miss her silly jokes, thoughtful gifts, phone calls just to check in, loving my children and reading with them, guiding them, and me. I miss her sappiness that showed up around Christmas, music and spiritual things. I've never met anyone as 'sappy' as our mother! I miss her passion and her heart. I know very few who love like she did. I miss her soft belly and the way she played with my hair and stroked my head. I miss her horrible polyester pink pants that never seemed to make it to her ankles and her laugh (that was silent when she laughed hard until her nose ran!) I remember how she had to grab her crotch each time she laughed hard. She was so much more fun as I grew up. I wish you could have known her as a woman. She didn't parent so much and turned into my friend. I hated the day she died and try not to think of it. Her grave seems empty to me and did while I was there but she's alive here, for me. We miss you Mom. I know that was your biggest fear...we haven't forgotten you and all you taught us. Love you. Kristina

melissa c said...

AMEN to everything you just said! I feel the same. You made me laugh hard at the stuff you remember! I remember those things too! Can't wait to be with her again!

Jennie said...

thanks for sharing this...

it is a good reminder to cherish our mothers...

thank you...

Momma x5 said...

Beautiful! What a great reminder.