I am exhausted! It is 11:00am on Sunday morning and I just got home from the hospital. Gus's doctor wanted me to spend the night and do a bunch a feedings in a row to see how I handle him and how he handles me. 3 hours had never passed so quickly. He HAS to eat 52 mls every three hours or he will lose weight. He gets really sleepy and doesn't want to eat it all.

He had his feeding tube removed 3 days ago about and is now doing it all on his own. Incidentally, it makes him tired which makes his saturation go down (oxygen in the blood) and then he gets more tired and sleepy. It is a vicious cycle. So he did ok during the night but this morning I held an oxygen tube by his face while he ate and it helped. He did not get so tired and did a little better. He was supposed to come home Friday, then Sat. then today and now she wants me to wait until tomorrow to give him 48 hours of eating everything on his own.

The kids are so excited to have him come home and I do not want Jake to be here to always babysit. That is the silliest thing I've heard today but I do depend on him for help when we need it. If I had had this baby myself I would be doing it the same way. I am treating it as though he IS mine because I feel he is. I adore my kids and I do not put my needs ahead of theirs. (I roll my eyes). But I have to put this baby's need up there at the top right now. As the foster mom, I am required to be there for him. Our whole family decided together that we wanted this baby, not just me, yes, it required sacrifice on all our parts but I believe it is worth it and so that is that.

Tomorrow is the first day of school. I will miss the summer vacation but am excited for the kids. Jake is not excited. He is in a weird place right now and is ornery about everything it seems like. Unless he is given total freedom and entertainment. I hope this year is fun for him. He does get to take a beginning guitar class on Thursdays after school and he is really looking forward to that.

Well, I am tired. So I guess I will sign off.