Saturday, August 18, 2007

I saw my baby today. It has been a couple of days since I have been able to go. I hate it when it's like that. I would like to go every day but it just isn't realistic. So I went this morning and noticed that the birth mother had come in to see the baby.

I know it sounds awful but it made me mad. I don't think she is supposed to be able to even see him unsupervised and I just feel like she didn't care about this baby before it was born, could possibly have really screwed him up with her drug use, and now wants the privilege of seeing him. The case worker is out of town so I will have to wait until Monday to talk to her but this bothers me.

She just got out of jail and supposedly has had all rights t0 her kids taken away. The father isn't even supposed to be able to come see him so why can she? AND no one stops her at the hospital. Now she and I became close while I had Gabe and I have never kept her away from him but to be honest, I don't want her to visit Gus. (Yes, that is what she named him. I think it's awful.) Does that sound terrible? I think it does but at the same time, I feel like he is mine and she doesn't deserve him! My feelings may be totally out of line but this is the truth about how I feel about it. I try never to lie. Too often.

So what do you all think of that? Am I going to hell? If I am it will just be another thing to add to my list of many sins. I have baskets and baskets of them!!!!

Anyway, he is now 5 lbs and 8oz. They have taken him off oxygen and he is doing great! He just needs to eat all his meals by bottle before they let me take him! I am getting antsy. I talk to Gabe about him all the time and he doesn't seem too happy about a new baby. I am a little worried. We'll see what happens!

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