Ring out, ring in.

The end of the year is coming to a close. Last year, as I reflected on the past, I was so glad that I hadn't known how hard it was going to be. I feel the same way this year. I'm trying to be hopeful for the coming year, but the truth is, you just don't know what the future holds.

This year, what I'm hoping for is literary success. I am entering a "First Chapter" contest during the LDS Story Makers conference. I have two stories that I will take and let me just say, I WANT TO WIN SO BAD! Who knows? It's possible.

There will be a grand prize, then first, second and third place prizes. Of course, I want that grand prize, but I would love to make any of those places. I have learned so much this year. Just the fact that I found a new love in writing is huge, but I have written a book, (over and over! lol) Started another, got accepted to a writing course, won the Peach Day's writing contest, and have made lasting friendships with other writers that I cherish. My cup runneth over in this area of my life.

I won't even go into the "Losing weight" area.

I will say that I hope to be healthier and happier in this next year, so that I can meat each and every "growing experience" with stamina and perseverance.

I thought about making the goal to quit swearing but I need at least one sin. I don't want to be translated after all.

So my prayer is that all of us, whoever you are out there, make this year the best you can, rising to the occasion and continually picking yourselves up by the bootstraps. That's what I intend to do. Good luck and Happy New Year!

Insomnia

Insomnia. Sounds like a great title for a book. He he. But it can be a cruel taskmaster too. All my life I was a good sleeper. As a kid, I never woke up for anything. A rock band could be performing in the next room and I wouldn't know it.

As I have aged, I've become like my mother who was a very light sleeper. It used to be so frustrating as a kid, because on Saturday mornings I loved to watch cartoons, and guess where the family room with the TV was. Yep, above mom's room. She could hear a pin drop from miles away. She had radar that the Russian subs would covet.

Now, here I am, in the same boat. In the last three months it has become terrible. I can fall asleep easily, but not stay there unless I take something. I know insomnia goes hand in hand with depression, which we have already decided is a temporary resident in my head. I have started taking Wellbutrin, and am still trying to decide if I like it, but it is helping. I still have insomnia though.

I have taken Melatonin which works to a degree but leaves me feeling twitchy and groggy in the morning. Especially now that I am taking Wellbutrin. I took AdvilPM for a while and I really liked that. I tried AmbienCR but my insurance wont pay for it so once the samples were gone, too bad. The doc did prescribe regular Ambien, but it doesn't work. The doc also gave me another drug which isn't even FOR sleeping. It's some heavy duty antidepressant I've never heard of, and it made me feel terrible and I didn't sleep. Oh, and get this, Wellbutrin causes insomnia! I just can't quit laughing about that! (At least I can still have a sex life!)

I skip taking something every so often to try and clear my system, but I just can't go without sleep day after day. I have made an appointment with a hypnotherapist and am hoping that it will work since nothing else has. You start to get desperate, you know?

I'll let you know what happens, if anything does! Like sleep. The things we do to sleep. Poor Heath. I feel so sad about that. He just wanted to sleep. I SO know that feeling!

Merry Christmas Eve!!

Just a quick note to wish you all a Merry Christmas! We here are wrapping gifts, and getting excited to visit family. We are loving the snow. There is nothing better than a white Christma,s and as far as I know, a HUGE snow storm will hit us on Christmas Day! Yay!

If that does happen, I think we'll stay home. I don't want to drive in that! I think I will like a day of actually staying home with just my little family. In 14 years of marriage, we never have, so I kind of hope the weather is terrible! lol

I love my Neil!

This is it! Tonight is the big night! I get to see Neil Diamond in person for the first time! Ya, it may be cheesy but I have loved Neil since I was a kid.

The only problem is that there is a huge snow storm hitting the Wasatch Front today, but don't worry, that doesn't stop me. I know how to drive in the snow. It's the other crazies I worry about. But I'm careful. I drive slow and leave huge spaces between me and other cars. I wish I had a more rugged "snow" kind of car.

I'll tell you all about it when I get back. Luckily, I have family down there. There's no way I'd drive home!

Line upon line

It continues to surprise me how much I still learn on a day to day basis. Things about my kids, my husband, about being a mother and all the other little things we learn as we go through our day. But lately, in my writing.

The lessons I love are the big ones. It seems we resist certain things, thinking we know best. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. I'm a wonderful resister, but when I do that, I think of the saying, "What you resist, persists." So true, so true.

I have been writing my book, "The Guitar" on a daily basis. I am writing it in first person but wanted to add perspective from another character in third person. Most published writers and agents would tell you to pick a perspective as stay there. I resisted. I thought I needed that third person perspective to make my book better. How will people know what is going on otherwise?

So, now I humbly admit, through trial and error, practice and learning, I have deleted those chapters. (I actually moved them to a file where I save deleted sections of books I write) I have found that I can write this book and have it be even better if I do it like a professional. Funny huh? Anyway, I am really excited with the changes I've made and I think it will be even better now.

So, the moral of the story is.....be pliable. Be able to bend, adapt, and try something you are uncomfortable with. Try something new, teach yourself a new trick. It is possible for us old dogs to learn, you know.

It's official!

I have registered for the LDS Storymakers conference in April! WOOO HOOO!
I'm on my way! I also signed up for a Pitch session with Lisa Mangum who looks for new stories for Shadow Mountain and Deseret Book! I can't wait! This is my chance! I also plan to enter the first chapter contest, go the the Whitney Awards dinner, swim in the pool, meet new people, and make lasting friendships.

I have a feeling that this is one of those opportunities that can change my life.

So, an update on my psychosis! lol I went to the doctor, he prescribed me Wellbutrin, (because that is the one that sounded best to me and I have tried various others in the past and didn't like them), went to fill it and my insurance wants to charge me $80.00! And that is for the generic brand! I don't think so.

So I will take your advice, try the Bio-35, and hope it works wonders. The doctor did say he considered me only mildly to moderately depressed. Hmmm. That's good I guess. So, I'll let you know what happens. Oh, by the way, I called my insurance company, and they said that the eighty bucks was part of my prescription deductible. ARGGGGG! That's all I have to say about that. Don't want to use any four letter words after all.

Are you SAD?

This is the time of year I least like. I think I may have SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have always had a hard time during the winter, not to mention my closest friend just moved to Ohio, my knee and foot throb in pain when I run, our finances are tight,and I have a messy house that no one wants to help clean unless I yell and scream, and a host of other things.

Insomnia, wight gain, sadness, irritability, low energy or fatigue, difficulty concentrating, memory loss. I have had all of these symptoms in the last couple of months on a regular basis.

I didn't want to admit that I'm broken (to a degree), due to a stubborn nature, but I am human too. In fact, I went to my doctor last week because I knew there was something wrong. He tested for Diabetes, thyroid problems, and I don't know what else. It turns out that everything is normal. Hmmm. He wanted me to take a depression questionnaire which I flatly refused to do. (politely, of course) I was not depressed. Depression is for poor, white trash, right? (harsh, but many people think that way) Now I know thats not true. My mother suffered from depression, but that is what we are taught now a days, right? That depression is something we choose? That if we are depressed, we need to get over it. Learn to deal with life. Quit feeling sorry for ourselves.

A part of me always thinks that, even though I know it's not true. I automatically think, there is nothing wrong with me. I can deal with my problems, I don't need a band aid.

Well, I think maybe I do, I guess. For a little while anyway. And before anyone starts offering all sorts of advice, I already exercise on a regular basis, (When my knee and foot let me, that's another thing I'm depressed about! ha ha), I've tried all sorts of natural remedies, self hypnosis, prayer etc... Sometimes, you just need drugs! lol I'll probably use something until spring. I do so much better in the sunshine. I need to get to a tanning booth, I think. Cancer or depression. What a toss up.

Chaos!!!!!

Socks under the coffee table, pajamas under the kitchen table, backpacks thrown on the couch. Coats on the stairs, forgotten dishes in the kitchen, dirty socks on the bathroom floor. Missing ornaments from the tree. Clean laundry falling out of the basket, waiting to be folded. Curling irons, brushes, combs, empty toilet paper rolls lying forlornly next to the bath tub.

Uhgggg! Can't someone else clean up once in a while? Shoes everywhere, half drunk baby bottles, piano music on the floor, Wii controllers strewn about, unmade beds! Doesn't this bother anyone but me?

Pee, poop, pee, poop. Can't someone besides me clean up after the damn dogs?!

Sorry. But in case you haven't noticed, I'm surrounded by chaos, and today, it's getting to me.

Yea for Stephen King

Stephen King. I really like him. I went through a phase where I read almost all of his stories. My husband had to talk me into reading my first one. His books were where I'd drawn the line, even though I'd never read a word he'd written. But Bry brought home "The Talisman", told me it was great, and that it wasn't scary at all.

Finally, when I'd run out of things to read in the house, I picked up that book. It was a riveting story, not a scary thing in it, and I was hooked.

I'm reading a book he wrote not too long ago called, "On Writing". Yep, he wrote a book about writing, and can I just say, it is a page turner too. I love it. I love his style, his sarcasm, his humor. I don't love some of the colorful language he uses but I do like everything else.

He talks about how as a child, he always loved the scary movies and stories. I have always been the same way. Not gory, but the kind that make your eyes water. That's my physical response, and no, I'm not crying. I just get this eye watering thing going when I'm scared. I love it!

Anyway, I have learned quite a bit about writing from reading his book. It's the book my writing class is reading, and we'll discuss it in January. So if you're looking for something good to read, check out one of his books. You just may love it!

So, there it is. A shout out for Stephen King. Just a normal guy like the rest of us. Who woulda thunk it?

The Guitar

I have started a new book, and I have to admit, I love it! It amazes me how much better I have become with my writing. What they say is true, if you do it, you'll improve. This new story is more for adults, where my first book was more for kids.

It's about a beautiful guitar that's cursed. It seduces it's owners into believing they can't live without it. That they need it to be successful. Like a drug. It gives them what they most want at the time but destroys their world without them even knowing it.

The main character is a musician that falls right into the guitar's trap. The guitar can't be burned or destroyed, so the story is of the woman, how she finds the guitar, and how she escapes the terrible web she gets caught in. There's romance, betrayal, mystery, murder....all that good stuff.

Does it sound good? Would you want to read it and find out what happens? I hope so!

#1 song on the day you were born.

This was really fun! I got this in an email but thought you all would enjoy it too.

Go to this website to see what song was number one on the day you were born. Mine was "Momma told me not to come" by Three Dog Night. I hope that title isn't true!! =)

Anyway, click on your month and then your day and the years to choose from will pop up! Let me know in comments how it turned out! Love you all!

http://www.joshhosler.biz/NumberOneInHistory/SelectMonth.htm

What do you think?

I have a question for you out there. Do you think rock music is wholesome and if not, is it detrimental? I was just thinking about this because I have a couple of new favorites. I have listened to their music for a while but they have just taken the forefront in what I like. They are Beyonce and Nickleback, well, and Pink too. So I was sitting here at my computer rocking out and I looked over at my four year old and he was rocking out too. It made me laugh.

My parents hated rock and still do. So it got me thinking. Would I listen to Nickelback or Pink if the prophet were in the room? Umm, NO! So, what does this mean? Is this a "caffeine" discussion? One of those topics that walks a thin line?

Now, I must not think it's too bad because I have no intention of stopping my rocking anytime soon! Dang! So what does that mean? Am I destined to always be a sinner? Be rebellious? Caffeine is bad for your body. What is bad for your spirit? I often think of that scripture where is says, "I would give all my sins to know thee." Hmm. Would I? I'm not sure.

What kind of person says that? One who likes his sins, I guess. At least I know I won't roast in hell alone. Lisa and Yolanda will be there with me! =)

Tis the Season!!

I fixed the dilemma I had. I just made putting up the tree and decorations our family night. Ya, I know, that's what most people do anyway but at our house Bry is not usually home early enough to help.

So, this year, even though I was so tired by the time we had family night, and almost decided not to do it, we did it. It was LOVELY to not have to do it alone! In fact, I made Bry and Jake do most of it! By the time we had the lights working and on the tree, it was bed time.

I decorated the top half with my breakable ornaments after the kids went to bed and today, the kids will finish the bottom. I don't know how we'll keep Wyatt away. There is no room for a gate or anything so we'll just have to be diligent. The room is so full already that the tree had to be squished in front of the front door. Almost! =)

So, here's to us! The brilliant women of the world! Merry Christmas! I've got the spirit back!

Humbug

What is wrong with me this year? I can't quite figure it out but I can't seem to get myself excited for the season. It's the first of December and I don't even feel like putting up the tree. It's not that fun anymore because I know I'll have to do it all myself. The kids help but they are too little to do some things. I don't know. Maybe it's just me.

Bry is busy doing things that need to be done an it just seems like I get stuck with it every year. "Stuck with it" sounds terrible, doesn't it? But that's just where I am.

Maybe it will get better as the season wears on.

Bry and I went over our budget this morning and man, was that depressing. I won't go into details but I will say, I was right! I knew we needed to be depositing a little more each month and he didn't want to. I've cut spending everywhere I can without losing things like internet and some tv. But even Bry was complaining that there is nothing good to watch anymore! lol I've whittled it down to practically nothing!

Anyway, I do have money for Christmas gifts. I have that set aside so at least we can buy a few fun things for the kids but it will be a lean year. That's ok. I actually like it better that way. I have noticed that the older your kids get, the harder it is. Everything Jacob wants is over a hundred dollars. I wont spend that much. Sorry Charley!

So, there's my humbug for the day. It's probably just hormones. I'll feel better tomorrow. =-)