Up all night!

Good morning. I am feeling much better now about Gabe. My sister thinks it is just a personality thing. She says that most parents have at least one child the rubs personalities with one of the parents.

I just spent all night up with Heidi and Gabe while they threw up. Yuck! We were on our way to the circus yesterday and Heidi said her tummy hurt and then before I knew it, she was throwing up and up and up! We pulled into a gas station to clean up as best we could, then turned around to go home. Talk about disappointed brothers!

Heidi stayed in bed throwing up nothing until about 10:00pm. At around 2:00am I heard Gabe crying, went in there and he had thrown up all over his crib. I brought him into my bed too. He wanted to cuddle but wouldn't go to sleep so an hour later, I changed all of his sheets and put him back to bed.

This morning, they are doing better but are only drinking sprite. I am tired and doing LOTS of laundry!!!

So now I ask myself, "Why did I want to have another baby?" HELLO!!! THINK McFLY, THINK !!

Today has been kind of a down day for me. I am a little under the weather but it has been raining for two days straight and that is always tiresome when I want to go out and play.

I want to have a baby. I want my OWN baby, not someone elses. My husband would rather die that live through another pregnancy. He's totally OK with adopting one but I don't want to. This is my last chance to have one of my own and I feel the clock ticking. I adore my kids. I don't feel the same about the baby I adopted. It is terrible to admit, but I don't feel the same for him as I do my others. It scares me to death that if I adopt another, I won't have those strong motherly feeling for it either. I don't know what it is but there are some attachment issues here with G. I don't know if it is him or me but I feel like I am mostly just baby sitting him and sometimes I wish he would go back home. I feel so guilty admitting that. Here I have 3 kids of my own and now G. There are so many women out there who can't even have children and I am complaining that I get to adopt more. I don't know. Maybe I am just hormonal. 24/7. Tell me, are there any out there who feel this way? I wonder if it is something wrong with me. I look at the kids I gave birth to and just melt and adore them. I look at G and he drives me nuts most of the time. I know he can feel it. I pray for help about it constantly. I feel guilty about it continually, yet my feelings don't seem to change.

Sometimes I think God is using this experience to show me my weekness. Maybe if I am humble and keep trying, it will become a strength. I hope so. It wipes me out as it is. It is exhausting feeling bad about it all the time.

Well, hope you all are have a nice Sunday.

foster care

I had a request to talk about my feelings on doing foster care. I honestly have my feelings go back and forth most of the time! Right up front, it is hard. It can be emotionally draining and yet on the flip side, very rewarding.

What most people don't know is that they get to choose what they want. The state does not drop off what ever they have! You can choose male or female, just babies or just teens or. whatever you feel best about. When they call with a placement, if it doesn't feel right for whatever reason, you can say no to it. They always have at least 3 families in mind before they even ask you so it's not like you are abandoning a child before you even get them. They baby we had and ended up adopting was my 3rd or 4th call. I had said no to the others but when they called about G, I immediately knew we should take him. He was a hard baby but wonderful and beautiful too. I know he was supposed to be here.

If you get a placement and it is just not working, you can have them removed. I have actually done that before too. The state has an insurance program for any damage done to your property by a foster child.

You can also choose between respite care which is if a foster parent goes on vacation or needs a break, you babysit for a week or so and that's it. You can choose to do emergency care and that is if they have a child that needs a place to stay RIGHT NOW, can you take them? But that is NOT long term. It can last form 2 weeks to a month or so until they find a foster family. You cannot keep that child for long term. When they find a home you have to give them up. That is hard for some. I do that and the regular long term. Sometimes it is nice to know you won't have to keep them for long!

There is good and bad in anything you do. This is something that I believe the Lord needs help with. These children need a loving home and yes, it is hard but they make it nice by giving you so many choices.

Will I keep doing it? Do I think it is worth it? Well, I am relicesing in June

foster care

I had a request to talk about my feelings on doing foster care. I honestly have my feelings go back and forth most of the time! Right up front, it is hard. It can be emotionally draining and yet on the flip side, very rewarding.

What most people don't know is that they get to choose what they want. The state does not drop off what ever they have! You can choose male or female, just babies or just teens or. whatever you feel best about. When they call with a placement, if it doesn't feel right for whatever reason, you can say no to it. They always have at least 3 families in mind before they even ask you so it's not like you are abandoning a child before you even get them. They baby we had and ended up adopting was my 3rd or 4th call. I had said no to the others but when they called about G, I immediately knew we should take him. He was a hard baby but wonderful and beautiful too. I know he was supposed to be here.

If you get a placement and it is just not working, you can have them removed. I have actually done that before too. The state has an insurance program for any damage done to your property by a foster child.

You can also choose between respite care which is if a foster parent goes on vacation or needs a break, you babysit for a week or so and that's it. You can choose to do emergency care and that is if they have a child that needs a place to stay RIGHT NOW, can you take them? But that is NOT long term. It can last form 2 weeks to a month or so until they find a foster family. You cannot keep that child for long term. When they find a home you have to give them up. That is hard for some. I do that and the regular long term. Sometimes it is nice to know you won't have to keep them for long!

There is good and bad in anything you do. This is something that I believe the Lord needs help with. These children need a loving home and yes, it is hard but they make it nice by giving you so many choices.

Will I keep doing it? Do I think it is worth it? Well, I am relicesing in June

Yea for Saturday

Well, here it is Saturday. I love this day. I also want to say that I realized about a half hour after I typed the last entry that it was really Thurs. not Fri. My goodness.

I have had my nephew here since Thurs. He is the son of the sis with unusual piercings. Anyway, He is wonderful. He is almost 12 and a really hard worker. Today, we have been cleaning the house because everyone is coming over and that boy worked hard. He vacuumed the whole house which is pretty big and always needs to be picked up along the way.

My son J has been a little missionary to him and he is just soaking it up. I really think he is looking for the stability that the church offers. Plus, I think he's curious about what all of his relatives believe in. His Dad's whole family is active too. He was raised in Oregon though and not around any of his active relatives. I told him the Joseph Smith story and he sat there glued.
I found REAL Birkenstocks at the DI today in Lisa's size. They were practically bran new and looked liked someone had worn them in the garden. I had bought the Birkenstock cleaning kit so I cleaned them up and I'll give them to her tonight. I am so excited! Do you think that is tacky? Maybe but I know Lisa loves the DI as much as I do. Got to support the church somehow!!

Well, got to go! I sure love you all. Have a wonderful weekend.