Can you go for a challenge?

Have you ever wanted to do something really bad but it scared the crap out of you? Jeri wants to do this triathlon with me. Now it comes down to my real commitment. Am I willing to do the work? EE GADS!!! I don't know if I can do it! If I have someone to come in last with I could do it! If I train now I can do it! Can I get good enough in 3 months?

That seems so fast! I don't know! I don't know! I don't know!!! Should I? shouldn't I? SCREAM!!! IT would be so exciting and fun! Would it kill me? Oh my gosh! I think we should GO FOR IT!!!! Why not? You only live once and I am tired of living my life being afraid of taking chances.

I have always wanted my world to be safe and relatively easy. When I die, I want to feel like I gave my all. Did my best, Stretched and took on what most people never would. This could be my "Everest" this year!

I truly believe it is important to reach for the stars. So when am I going to do that? Yes, there is a chance I could look like an idiot. Yes, there is a chance of...who knows what? But my kids will know that I am not afraid. I am not afraid of a challenge and of pushing myself to the limit!

Can you tell I am trying to pump myself up?

Winter wonderland

It is a winter wonderland outside. Today, everything brown and ugly is gone. Heidi's ballet was cancelled because of the bad roads. I guess we'll just hole up and stay warm.

I ran this morning again today. Did a little better than yesterday. Little by little. I looked up that site Jeri gave me of the triathlon and that looks so fun! The mini one looks doable. I think it would be fun to do with some friends. Any takers? I would be kind of nervous to do it alone because I am a chicken, but I would love to have company. Misery always loves company.

My bishop brought me a giant loaf of bread yesterday. It is wonderful. It was home made and is already half gone! My kids LOVE white bread because I never buy it. I buy the whole grain stuff with nuts and seeds in it. The kind that actually has some flavor. Anyway, my little chilis eat up white bread as though it were cake and I have to admit, I love the home made stuff too. He told me how his wife had that problem where her body rejects the baby. They got 3 kids but it was rough each time. That would be terrible.

Gabe is really sick and laying in my bed. He's miserable. I hate to be sick. I kind of like it when he isn't feeling great though, because he is so much easier and mellower. Isn't that terrible for a mother to say!? Oh well. I never said I was a saint.

Time to go. I have laundry to do! Fun Fun Fun!!!

A brand new day!

Well, As Lisa'a phone used to say, "It's a brand new day"! I am feeling good. I got up, worked out, which was hard. I am so out of shape since I'd quit running when I started spotting. It will get better though.

Cleaned my room, did some laundry, need to clean the kitchen but I am avoiding that. The basement is a disaster as I let so many things go while I was pregnant. I just felt so tired. I am getting my energy back which I am excited about.

My brothers- in-law are doing a mini triathlon this summer. I'd love to do that but I might drown. I know I could do the 5k, I know I could bike 7 miles if it were flat the whole way!! But the swimming thing? It think it's a half mile. It is 800 meters. How far is that? Anyway, I think I will just try to do a 5k that I can run all the way through without walking.

I love this time of year. It is that time of year that makes me wan to run and me fit. I love the springtime and that itch to move. Maybe I'll try the pregnancy thing thing again sometime but I don't know. We'll see. In the mean time, I am going to become a fitness guru! I just need a goal to work toward. Something to wrap my mind around. So there it is.

Yes, you are at the right place. I needed something new. I needed something different and beautiful and Lisa gave me the idea.

I have been a hermit and I feel bad. A lot of people have been calling me and I just ignore the phone. I don't feel like I am really depressed or anything, I just don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to be alone. Tomorrow I will I will start to be me again. I wanted the weekend off.

I feel like an awful person for ignoring people. I just cant socialize and entertain right now. I don't want company and the only people I have had contact with are those who just show up on my front door and can't tell to go away! But I have really appreciated those who did stop by.

Nat brought me flowers and visited and we played with the pups for a while. My sister T came and made dinner and ice cream sundays. We even played phase 10 for a while. By 8 I was dead and they had to leave anyway. I was so grateful for her visit. Little sister S called and offered me a free massage, (she is a massage therapist. A REALLY good one by the way) except I had decided not to go down that way today like we had planned last week. I hope I can get a rain check on that one.

Anyway, Bry seems worried and keeps asking if I am OK like I'm suicidal or something. How ridiculous. I just want to be sad for a couple of days. I will be fine. I am not that fragile. Unfortunately. Sometimes I would love to have and excuse to just be nuts. Instead, I get to only be nuts once in a while, except when I am around family. Then I do feel nuts then but it's normal!

Thanks for all you guys do. Your comments make my day. I sure love you all.

Well friends, it's over. Bry and I spent the whole day at the doctor's and we were exhausted. To make a long story short. There is no baby. It looked like it was a defective egg according to the doc that implanted and got the ball rolling but never developed.

They thought it was a tubal pregnancy there for a while and can't completely rule that out but I had no tenderness or pain there. They gave me a shot to hurry up the process. Otherwise it could take 2 to 3 weeks to finish. I guess my body had started to get it when it started to spot, but was still trying to hang on.

I'm ok. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I am really mad about it. Most of the time I just don't want to talk about it. I just want to be quiet. I think there are those of you out there that know what I mean. I just want silence. I REALLY don't want to go to church tomorrow. There are some there who knew I was pregnant but I hadn't really officially announced it yet since it was so early still. I do know that people knew who I hadn't told. It's amazing how fast news spreads. Anyway, I just don't want to go and have people ask about it.

The process of elimination could start any time anyway and I definitely don't want to be out and about when it does. I want to just curl up in my big bed and watch the Oscars.

My sweet friend who knew what was happening brought us dinner, 2 other friends shared the day in watching my 2 little kids. What a blessing my close friends are. They are like sisters who I can impose on and not feel bad. It's days like these when I wish my sisters lived closer but thank heaven for the gift of pseudo sisters!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. It means a lot and I am doing well considering. I have a wonderful family who is catering to my every need! Love to you all and remember, when your life is bad, there is always someone out there who has it worse.