What if?

I have been astronomically amazed by the growth of Facebook. It was about a year ago or so that I joined myself. Maybe less than a year. I don't remember. Anyway, since my job as a writer keeps me at the computer for a big chunk of the day I flit over to facebook for breaks here and there.

I have reconnected with childhood friends, high school friends, college buddies and mission companions that I knew I'd never see again. Now I can see them on a daily basis and even talk to people as far away as Norway! Yes, I have a friend in Norway and a bunch in Venezuela! Amazing!

Recently, I found an old boyfriend. I remember the way my heart pounded as I stared at his name. I think I even held my breath for a moment before clicking on it. Yep folks, I might have even broke out in a sweat. How that can happen when we broke up eons ago and have found other people to love and adore?

This particular boy was my first love. My REAL first love. I'd dated tons and had crushes since I was in third grade, but those don't count. When I found him, he was it. I'd spotted him in my college choir and decided then and there that I wanted him, and of course, I got him. =)

It took forever for him to accept my invite to be friends of facebook because he seldom gets on, but once he did, I looked through his pictures of course, and a flood of memories came back, washing over me as though I were eighteen again. He looks the very same. It was very strange and for a moment, I felt sad that he'd dumped me for a younger woman! Yep, I was dumped--right after my mission. At the time, I was still weirded out by boys but the one date we went on, was very uncomfortable. It just wasn't there anymore, that feeling, that is.

I don't know if it would have come rushing back if I'd had time to adjust to normal life, but some things just aren't meant to be. I'm very in love with my husband and I love my life and kids and there is no way, even for a billion dollars that I'd trade it, because I am so happy with the way things are now.

Still, I wonder . . . what if? Don't we all?