Gratitude for the past, hope for the future

What a lovely day it's been. I am still amazed on a daily basis at how much I've grown since my youth. I'm amazed at what I've learned in my short thirty-nine years.

When I was young, my life stretched out before me like a long winding trail through a beautiful Oregon forest. Now I can look back and remember the times where I traveled not only through lush, green woods, but through hot, blistering deserts and sharp, rocky terrain. It hasn't all been easy, but I can honestly say, I've loved the ride.

I'm lucky in that I can admit I have truly been in love. Twice, actually. I've had the privilege to have children and watch them grow, even though there have been times when I swear I'd go insane, I have made it through . . . so far!

I have been blessed to develop talents I didn't even know I had. I honestly thought that a person's talents pretty much made themselves known when they were young and it was our responsibility to nurture them. Not anymore! Now I know better. For example, my love of writing. Now, I've always been a reader. One time, when I was about fourteen, I was supposed to go somewhere with my Dad and siblings. My mom was going somewhere else. I lied and told my dad I was going with my mom and told my mom I was going with Dad. ALL SO I COULD STAY HOME ALONE AND READ! What a naughty girl! lol

That love of reading turned into a love of writing, a talent I didn't even know existed inside me until one day, it exploded out! I am so grateful for that!

Also, I was recently called to teach the gospel doctrine class in my church, and let me just say, that was one experience I NEVER wanted. But I have found an aptitude for teaching and I love it. I love how people in my class are able to open up and talk about things they never usually would. Every week, we cry and share and I love it. What a blessing in my life. A blessing I didn't even want to begin with. Strange, isn't it?

And, last but not least, on this week of Thanksgiving, I am so grateful for my husband and family. My kids keep me on my toes, letting me know I'm still alive. My husband is so kind and fun and even when I'm ornery, he teases me out of it. He knows me so well and loves me anyway. And to my sisters . . . what can I say? It has been a rocky road at times, but I adore every one of you. You are my true friends and I love you guys. Then there is my dad and brothers who I hardly ever see or get to talk to, but I think about them every day. I love these people so much and my life is richer, more fun, and more fulfilled because of them.

There it is. My life in a nutshell. Thank heavens for the chance to live, the opportunity to grow and most of all, for the fact that life is not fair. If life were fair, we'd all be boring old fogies with nothing to show for ourselves. Thank you, thank you.

Disaster avoided!

I just almost burned my house down. I was sitting at my computer, and on the phone with a friend when all of a sudden, I said, "What's that smell?" I could smell smoke. I got up and went to the stairs and looked down into my basement. Waves of smoke were wafting up toward me.

My heart fell in dread of what could possibly be happening down there. We have a kitchen in the basement that we don't use often and an electric stove that we unplugged a long time ago and don't use except during holidays...maybe. So, I have boxes and other things stacked there because, hey, who cares? It's unplugged.

Well, I'd gone down earlier to look for something and had rummaged through a box on that stove. Somehow the nob on the back had turned on while I was going through the box. Honestly, I don't know how it could have happened and who the &#*% had plugged it in anyway?????

So I coughed my way through the smoke--and yes, the alarm was screaming--to see the corner of the box smoldering but not yet on fire. It had sure made tons of smoke though. So I picked it up and carried it to the french doors we have down there. As soon as I opened the door, the box burst into flames! I screamed and dropped it on the back patio before I caught on fire myself. My heart was pounding and my two year old who'd followed me was crying.

Bry was home so I called him out of the horse corrals and we opened all the windows and doors. We have a super nice set of smoke alarms and by this time, they were all going off. TERRIBLE! I just can't believe how lucky we were. Here we were at home and our house could have burned down around us. Everything gone. That fast. Thank heavens it didn't. What a miracle because let me tell you, that box had been sitting on that hot burner for AT LEAST a half hour. Possibly and probably longer.

Thank heavens for guardian angels and a nose that knows.

What if?

I have been astronomically amazed by the growth of Facebook. It was about a year ago or so that I joined myself. Maybe less than a year. I don't remember. Anyway, since my job as a writer keeps me at the computer for a big chunk of the day I flit over to facebook for breaks here and there.

I have reconnected with childhood friends, high school friends, college buddies and mission companions that I knew I'd never see again. Now I can see them on a daily basis and even talk to people as far away as Norway! Yes, I have a friend in Norway and a bunch in Venezuela! Amazing!

Recently, I found an old boyfriend. I remember the way my heart pounded as I stared at his name. I think I even held my breath for a moment before clicking on it. Yep folks, I might have even broke out in a sweat. How that can happen when we broke up eons ago and have found other people to love and adore?

This particular boy was my first love. My REAL first love. I'd dated tons and had crushes since I was in third grade, but those don't count. When I found him, he was it. I'd spotted him in my college choir and decided then and there that I wanted him, and of course, I got him. =)

It took forever for him to accept my invite to be friends of facebook because he seldom gets on, but once he did, I looked through his pictures of course, and a flood of memories came back, washing over me as though I were eighteen again. He looks the very same. It was very strange and for a moment, I felt sad that he'd dumped me for a younger woman! Yep, I was dumped--right after my mission. At the time, I was still weirded out by boys but the one date we went on, was very uncomfortable. It just wasn't there anymore, that feeling, that is.

I don't know if it would have come rushing back if I'd had time to adjust to normal life, but some things just aren't meant to be. I'm very in love with my husband and I love my life and kids and there is no way, even for a billion dollars that I'd trade it, because I am so happy with the way things are now.

Still, I wonder . . . what if? Don't we all?