I cannot believe I lost my temper like I did on my blog! But If I can't write my true feelings here, then my blog is pointless to me. Anyway, sorry. Now you all know that I have a little bit of a temper. Must be the Irish in me.

I wrote what I did, like I did because I know that the person I wrote it about will probably read it and I feel like I can't say what I want to face to face because I am not listened to. There really is probably no right or wrong here so I don't know how it got blown out of proportion like it did but If people have a problem with me, well, sorry.

If you haven't figured it out, it deals with family and family is always ruder and harsher than necessary it seem like. None of my friends would even think of talking to me like my sisters do sometimes. Thank heavens for those friends who know how to hold their tongues even when they might want to say something critical. That is something people need to learn to do better in families.

The sad thing is that the kids pay for it. My kids are best friends with their cousins and yet I have no desire to spend time with family at the moment. I am sure they think it is all me and that I am being......whatever, but I am so tired of ALWAYS being the first to apologize. It just doesn't matter enough to me at the moment. I have a great life and if my sister wants to be a part of it, she needs to be a little nicer. Is that rude to say? I don't need the friendship of people who constantly critisize me or make me feel like a failure or make me feel less than.

I need to be around positive people. I can't hang with poeple who bring me down and I have found some wonderful friends here where I live who I adore. Than heavens for them. They are women who love me and know me well, and accept me for who I am and what I am. I cherish them and you all know who you are. That includes you too Yolanda!

Happy Halloween!!! It is a beautiful day and I am so excited for it. At the moment though, I feel very irritated.

I have just about had it with self righteous people who think they know how it is. I am just going to vent here for a minute and if you want to click out, it won't hurt my feelings.

My husband and I own our own business. There is no such thing as "Saturday". We WORK every day but Sundays and sometimes even then! We don't have the luxury of a "day off" and the few times when Bry doesn't have to work on Saturday, we have SO MANY things that need to get done that have been waiting for so long that we try to get to those things.

I am SO sorry we can't go help others every weekend like some people think we should! I am so sorry we are such selfish people that we can't help like other, more wonderful, giving people can. Maybe if we got a big fat salary check every month, we wouldn't feel such pressure to work every day. If Bry isn't out there, we don't eat and we don't pay bills. If I am not here at the computer working the paper work, we don't eat or pay the bills. That is in between everything else I have to do.

I think the people out there who judge others for their lack of "helping" have no idea what someone elses life is like. It is very easy to judge and say " I am just as busy as you are". That may be true, but unless you are completely self employed, you don't know the stress that comes with "not working". Especially for someone like Bry who has angry people and contractors breathing down his neck DAILY because construction isn't going as fast as they want it to.

My husband works harder than any man I know. He works longer hours and comes home dead and the time he does have off are going to be spent with his babies before they go to bed. If he makes it home before bed time!!!!!!!!!

Until you have walked in another's shoes, don't act like you know everything!!

crazy day

It's Sunday Morning and I sit here trying to not be irritated with my husband. We have been up since the crack of dawn since no one in this house knows how to sleep in. I have been dressed and ready for 3 hours! (mainly because of the extra hour we get with day light savings)

We have to leave in 1/2 an hour and Bryan is still in his feeding clothes. (clothes he feeds the horses in). I just yelled at him and threatened to kill if he makes us late! The next thing he did was give my 4 year old and open face sandwich with "Nutella" on it AFTER I had already dressed her in her church clothes. That's just about grounds for murder.

My husband is such a beautiful, smart man that it amazes me he can be such an idiot sometimes!!!!

Speaking of idiots, today I teach the gospel doctrine class. Not last week like I thought. I went to church last week all prepared to go and then found out after I got there that it was this week I was supposed to teach! The good thing is that I am completely prepared and that nervous, scared feeling I had last week is gone. Guess I used that all up last week.

This week I am actually excited to teach. It's a great subject and I understand what I am supposed to teach. I hope the spirit is there too!

I got some new Birkenstocks that have a high arch. The normal ones feel really good but I have always felt like I could use a little higher arch on the right side. They are talking a little getting used to but so did the origional ones I got. I couldn't walk after wearing those for the first time! Plus they stretch out that tight tendon on my right foot.

Well folks, I hope you all have a lovely Sunday! Catch you all later!

My MEME

1) FIRST NAME? John Jacob Jingle Heimerschmidt
2) WERE YOU NAMED AFTER SOMEONE? Nope
3) DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not really. It looks like boys writing. A young boys writing!
4) LUNCHMEAT? I hate to admit it, but I do like a good bologna sandwich with a little mayo and mustard.
5) KIDS? got 4
6) COULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF? Of course. I like me most of the time!
7) DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yep. Right here on blogger.com
8) DO YOU USE SARCSAM A LOT? NEVER!!!!!
9) DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes, and they're mine MINE MINE!!!!
10) WOULD YOU BUNGEE? I would. I think that would be thrilling.
11) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? I like frosted mini wheats, Grapenuts, wheat checks
12) DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES BEFORE TAKING THEM OFF? Yes I do. Always. I want them ready for the next time I put them on.
13) DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically or mentally?
14) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Peppermint. You know, that candie cane kind?
15) SHOE SIZE? I refuse to admit it!
16) RED OR PINK? Both. Love 'em
17) WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? It's hard to say. I don't like my nose, my extra set of hips, the hair that grows out of my chin periodically and my flat behind!
18) WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My mom
19) LAST THING YOU ATE? a banana and it tasted too sweet.
20) WHAT COLOR OF PANT & SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? blue jeans and socks. No shoes at the moment.
21) WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? "Thomas and friends" believe me, it's for my little kiddies.
23) WHAT COLOR OF CRAYON WOULD YOU BE? I would be one of those rainbow cayons with a munitude of shades!
24) FAVORITE SMELL? lavender, lilacs, roses, and lever soap.
25) WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My sexy man!
26) THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? eyes and muscles! Sorry, but it's true!
27) DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON THAT SENT THIS TO YOU? yep! That would be me!
28) FAVORITE DRINK? water. really and truely
29) FAVORITE SPORT? I love hiking and swimming the best although I do love to run.
30) HAT SIZE? very small. I can wear kids hats. Small brain I guess.
31) DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? I USED to! Got my eyes fixed a few years ago! LOVE IT!!!
32) FAVORITE FOOD? I don't have one. I could and would eat almost anything!
33) SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? both!!! I love scary movies and not many people will go with me! I love a happy ending though too. Makes my heart melt!
34) LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE THEATER? "Flyboys"
35) COLOR OF SHIRT YOU ARE WEARING ? burgandy
36) SUMMER OR WINTER? I'd have to say FALL!
37) HUGGS OR KISSES? depends on who they are with!
38) FAVORITE DESSERT? like I said. Anything!!!
39) WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? "Jeruselm Interlude"
40) WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Seinfeld. Love that show.
41) FAVORITE SOUND? running bath water!
42) ROLLING STONE OR THE BEATLES? Beatles except when it's the rolling stones!
43) FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN AWAY FROM HOME? Venezuela!
44) WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I am a great lover!
45) WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Eugene, Oregon on July 14

This was a very long MEME, thanks for Listening. I would love to hear more about you.

The written word

I have always been a terrible journal keeper. My mother was the queen of journal keeping and she TRIED to instill that in all of us but I don't know how well it took. She'd be so dissapointed! I have a few journals, all of them unfinished and gathering dust.

Then, as I sat here looking at my blog site, I realized I have a whole years worth of journal entries right here. I decided to print them month by month and will keep them in a binder. It's not an everyday diary but it's something I can keep and my children will know what I was doing and going through that month in my life.

Back to my mom. She kept journals her whole life. President Kimball said it was a commandment and she did it. No questions asked. My brother has the whole set I think and let me tell you, I think I should get a few of those! I would love to sit down and read on any given day something she was going through at my age.

Journaling is very therapeutic and good for us but more importantly, it's for posterity. I WANT my kids to know me. I want them to know my faults and weeknesses as well as the good things. I want them to be able to learn from my mistakes and hopefully, not make the same ones. I want them to know how much I loved them when they were little and to remember all the fun things we did together.

I would give anything to be able to sit down with Mom and pick her brain about her life and experiences. She was so wise and I did not know it then. Now that I am a mother, I do know it. She tried so hard to do what's right and to teach us and I didn't get it. She had such a hard life and yet rose above it. Her father died when she was 2, she was sexually abused by her neighbor for years, she had no room of her own because her mom had borders, she had no money, She was super skinny and hated her body. It wasn't until she was 17 that she joined the church and started to change her life around. It made her boyfriend dump her but she kept going. She met a great guy who it turned out was on the rebound, married her and really wasnt' the best suited for her.

She lived her life for her kids and when she found out she had breast cancer, finally started to live her own dreams. But she only got 10 years of that. Maybe she got to die young because her life was so hard and yet she did her best to rise above it. Maybe God said, "you deserve a break. Come on home" I am sure she is much happier there then she ever was here but man I miss her. I think she would roll over in her grave if she could see what some of us kids are up to. Although, I am sure she knows. That's a scary thought!

This blog has turned out a little different than I planned it but that's ok. It felt good to write. Here's to you, Mom.