Before the Dawn

As usual, I am reading a new book. This is one of the most poignant and soulful stories I have ever read. I have sobbed clear through it. Partly because it is written in such a heartfelt way but also because the Spirit touches you when you read it.

I really relate to the main character in the story too. I have felt like she feels. It amazes me that a man could write this and yet, get it so right from a woman's point of view. I am having a hard time putting it down. I find the bath water is cold because I have stayed in so long to read. Then I carry it back to the bed with me and devour a few more pages.

I love the way Dean Hughes writes. This story takes place during the depression. It means a lot to me because my Gram Janie used to tell me stories about it. This book makes it come to life for me. I really had no idea what those times were like for people. It worries me that we are headed there now ourselves.

It makes me want to tell my kids how much I love them and how grateful I am to Bry for working so hard and being the great guy he is. Life could be so much worse and we get caught up in our little problems day to day that we forget. We forget that there is a mother out there who doesn't care if she loses weight. Her main worry is how she will feed HER 5 kids. Maybe she doesn't have a husband who helps her.

I watched the "Idol gives back" show and was very touched by the people in Africa. Seeing the mother with tears streaming down her face as she watches her 9 month old baby barely staying alive due to malaria. I look at my 9 month old and thank God everyday that he is healthy and perfect.

I have days like yesterday where I feel sorry for myself and then I pull myself up by my bootstraps and realize I live like a queen. I have a beautiful home I can clean. I have plenty of food to eat and give my kids. So much that I have to TRY to not eat so much. My family is healthy and I have health care I can afford.

I have a man who has never hurt me in a physical way, let alone ever called me a name. He kisses me goodbye everyday and prays with me yet I still find the energy to complain that he isn't home more. Sometimes I just want to yell at myself! "SHUT UP!!!" I say! Shut up and quit being a baby!!! Pull your head out of your #&* and do something positive!

That is what I did today. Today, I will count my blessings and do something for someone else rather than complain that I wear a size 14!!

Pitty Party

I really don't feel like writing anything. It has been one of those weeks. I feel tired, discouraged and irritable and I'm sure it's hormonal.

I screwed up my computer and had to take it in to get fixed. Those of you who know me will not be surprised at that. Although, in my defense, it has been a REALLY long time since I've done this.

Bry and I are always miffed at each other lately. It seems to be this way every spring. I don't know what it is, but this year, it could be that He has been sick forever and I am in pain somewhere in my body ALL THE TIME!!! It is getting old.

I found out I have to have a root canal on that one tooth that wont quit hurting. What a surprise. So, if I may complain for a moment, either my mouth is aching, which is frequent, or my neck hurts, for my foot hurts, or my sacrum is pinching, and if it is going to rain, my knees let me know that they want in on the game.

So, this morning, I am going to have a pitty party. I am NOT going to immediately get dressed or work out. I am going to sit at my computer like a lazy bum and play Warcraft! I am going to kill something and feel really good about it!!

Ebony and Ivory

Do you believe it is possible to live in a world where color is not noticed? I know it is. Let me tell you a little secret about me. I have always wanted that beautiful dark skin. Ever since I was a child I thought dark skin was more beautiful than light.

I wanted a handsome Indian man to whisk me off into the sunset. I still drool over black men's bodies. Is that OK to say here? I love the way they are built. It is different than a white mans body. I especially love a mix. A mix of anything brings the best of both worlds.

I still remember about 10 or so years ago, I was watching Oprah and she made a comment about being black. I said to myself, "Oh my gosh!!!!Oprah is black????" I had never noticed. It wasn't something I cared about. Everyone thought I was an idiot when I mentioned it!

I have tried to pass this on to my kids. Jacob's 2 best friends at school are black. They are brother and sister. He likes to play with the girl when he wants to be active outside because she likes to play actively. He hangs with the boy when they want to play game boy or something. In fact, they just gave Jake like 15 games for our Wii because theirs is broke and they got some new thing that doesn't take the same kind of games. Anyway, they are great kids and I love them. The girl is absolutely beautiful and I would not mind a bit if Jake decided to marry that girl. Think of my adorable grand kids!!

One of Heidi's best friends is a cute little black girl too. I can still remember her first day of school. I asked her if she had made any new friends in kindergarten and she named this little girl and said, "she has brown skin. I like it. I wish I had brown skin".

It warms my heart. My kids don't see others as different or unusual or scary. I love how they embrace others no matter the package they come in. I am so proud to have raised kids that DO NOT SEE COLOR as a barrier.

I have one other memory I want to share. When I was on my mission. I fell in love with the beautiful Latin babies with their long dark hair, caramel skin and dark eyes. I actually prayed for Heavenly Father to PLEASE send me Latin looking babies. I though Caucasian babies were so ugly with their white, pasty skin and bald heads! I don't admit that very often because I had one of those adorable bald, white babies! lol. But if I have to pick, I love a little color.

Anyway, this is what I think.

Hush

I am reading a new book. This book has really moved me. It is a heartbreaking story. One that makes you really feel what this girl is going through.

A quick overview of the story is this: This girls father witnessed the murder of a black boy by his 2 fellow white police officers. The story is about what this man and ultimately, his family go through when he decides to testify. The pain of being ostracized by his friends in the police force, the pain his wife and kids go through after they are torn away from their home and friends to live in a strange place with new names.

The depression the dad goes through at feeling like he needed to do what was right but feeling like it was so wrong.

His wife tries to find solace in joining the Jehovah Witnesses, and his daughters who are 13 and 15 and who struggle in making new friends, in a new school, and trying to remember the "new" facts about their lives.

I LOVE it so far.

New topic.

My husband and I had a discussion that actually turned in to an argument about the comments made by Obama's minister. I was reading about it and what his comments were and I am sure people will hate me for saying so, but I don't think that minister was that far off in some of his statements. I won't go in to detail but I too think our government is corrupt, I do think we get mad when people do bad things to us but it has never stopped the United States from doing the same things to others, no matter how justified we feel, other countries feel just as justified. That doesn't make it right but sometimes I think the US is a little snotty in it's attitude toward other countries. I have lived in another country and have an idea about their attitudes. Do I think we need to do something about terrorists? Yes. Do I think we should help those countries we are in now establish their governments? Yes. Do I support the dishonest things that are going on with this war at the same time? No. I wish I knew who was really telling the truth. Everyone lies it seems like. I hate it. Who do we believe??? Are they only trying to move themselves ahead or is there ANYONE who honestly is making good decisions because they believe it is RIGHT. I honestly don't know.

That is all I will say about that. I don't want to get in to a big debate, that is just my opinion and how I feel about it.

So anyway, the book is great. Give it a read.

Progress

Good afternoon friends. Well, my progress is moving smoothly in the reading of the B of M. I had to read 24 pages yesterday because I "forgot" the day before. I really love, and prefer to read the book of Mormon like a Novel. It keeps the story line together. I am amazed how much Nephi left out of his narrative though. I don't know all he left out, but my gut feeling is quite a bit. I do highlight what really touches me though.

I am surprised that I actually "get" the Isaiah part. It seems like in the past, it would go over my head. Especially when I read it in Spanish during my mission. I am SOOOO grateful I went on a mission. I think I learned so much more than I taught anyone one else. I also think it was a blessing in the fact that I married a convert who didn't go on one. He was 31 when he got baptized and we got married. The knowledge has been invaluable. It makes reading through so much more enjoyable because I don't get stuck wondering what something means. Not that I know everything, but it has been clear in my mind this time around.

My kids love seeing my read. It makes them want to read too. I love it. I feel happier and more relaxed during my day when I read too. It's funny how we forget that feeling when we let ourselves go for a while.

So, I was up all night coughing last night. Bry gave me his cold. It was terrible. I had to keep a cough drop in my mouth all night or I would cough. Swallowing made it worse! GRRRRR! I need lots of sleep to function so let me tell you, I'm not functioning today!

Well, that's all folks! See you later!