It was a really good day. I am feeling better and my energy is coming back. Today, I cleaned Seth and Gabe's room which I do a deep clean every few months. It is amazing the amount of garbage they hide in there!

I went to the DI and bought a new mattress and box spring for him. He has needed a bed for a while now and has shared with Jake for the past year. Both are fed up with that arrangement. They sell really nice new ones there. So I came home, set it up, put a cute book shelf in there for his stuff and he has a cowboy motif so I got on eBay and bought matching cowboy quilts for Seth and Gabe.

The quilts are adorable. They have matching shams and the colors match the room perfectly!. I can't wait until they come. They are new too which I like. I don't like to use "used" bedding.

So when the room is complete. I'll take a picture for you all!

I love shopping online. Fast and easy!

For all of you who are dying to know what went down for Jake's B-day, here it is.........

He came home from school on Wednesday, I sat him down, explained the deal and let him decide. I did explain how awful I felt and that next year, when he turns 13, a real teenager, we'd throw him a big party.

He went with the "Rip stick" . What a good boy and let me tell you how relieved I was! I am still not up to par and it is Friday!

He wanted a cherry pie instead of cake so I made him a Pie and we had ice cream melting over it. Wonderful. We had his favorite dinner, tacos, and taco salads and he didn't have to do any chores.

He loved that. It ended up being a wonderful day and he was SO happy with his presents. I was so happy with less work and everyone went to bed with a smile on including Bry and me. We were in bed by 8:30!

Change of subject. I weighed myself this morning. I haven't done that for a while because I had just decided to "live" and enjoy life and not worry about weight anymore. Well, I am the heaviest I have ever been except when I was pregnant. It was a blow to my self image just a little. I had noticed that my clothes were tighter and didn't "feel" good but I had decided to love myself the way I am.

OK, I have changed my mind. I don't like the way my body feels. I don't like that my bra digs in and I can't wait to take it off. I hate how my pants feel tight and uncomfortable and all the rest that goes with it. I really hate how I have a roll under by boobs that would have a bigger bra size than the girls upstairs! I don't know what do do because I love food and I hate restricting myself, but until I can start running again, I guess I should just a little. I am getting to old to ignore my health.

I don't want to be one of the elderly that is constantly battling illness or disease because I just wanted to "live". That would be contradictory wouldn't it??

So, I don't know what I will do. I'll let you know. But something has to change.

OK, I need to know if I am the worst mother in the world. Jacob's birthday is tomorrow. We have planned a big fear factor party with his friends tomorrow. The problem is I still feel like crap. It is getting better but I have not cleaned my house in a week.

I am doing better than before, but I am still up nights with coughing and the baby. I sound terrible and have no energy. I do not want to do this party. I just feel awful.

He wants a skate board really bad that has only 2 wheels called a rip board or something. It is really expensive so I thought maybe I would bribe him with that instead of the party. I can't buy it normally but if we don't have the party, I would. Is that terrible?

I feel like a really good mom would just push through it. Would just stay up all night cleaning the house and decorating.. Never mind the coughing fits when I talk too much, he would have a great party.

The realistic mom in me says bag it, no one has RSVP'd anyway and bribe him with the skate board so I don't feel like such a loser. Dang. He'll be home in a half hour. I'll let you know what happens.

I have been sick all weekend. Yuck. A bad cold. It started as an innocent sore throat. Who knew it would attack when I least expected it to! Today, I am stuffed up and head achey, tired and coughing. I have still managed to clean my bathroom, fold 4 batches of laundry, take care of the kids, shower and get dressed. I must congratulate myself!

There is nothing worse than feeling under par. I even had a blood test done which came back normal. That means I must be faking! Ha! It was actually good news. Now I have to wonder why I have felt so out of sorts.

I have decided it is a new baby, not enough rest, eating like crap and the constant worry that they will take him away. Plus the other normal stresses of life. Maybe it is stress that completely disrupts our lives. Maybe we just think we are coping when in real life, we are just floating along waiting to get bombarded!

I do believe there is a connection between our health and our brains. I do believe there are things we bring upon ourselves. I do think there are weird flukes out there but really, when we don't get enough rest, exercise, good food, and too much stress, disappointment and negativity, why would it surprise us when we have heart problems, cancer, and illness? Hello??

Anyway. That is how I feel today. There it is. Now I will go lay down until the kids come home. I need to gear up for my conversation with my son. I need to find out why he has an "I" in health and math. Supposedly he caught himself up. I love being able to check it on the computer. Yea for technology.

Random thoughts

I like Lisa's idea about random thoughts. I think I will do it too.

1. I went to the doctor to get a flu shot today. They were out when I got there. They took blood to run tests to see why I am sooooo tired all the time. He thinks I could have mono. I don't think I am making out enough to have mono! lol They will test my thyroid, and for Epstein bar and a few others too. It will be interesting to see what happens if anything at all.

2. My oldest turns 12 next week. We are going to have a fear factor party for him. It will be a blast.

3. I am so tired and out of it that I got the wrong day on the vote and missed it. I also showed up early for my doctors app. today. I went at 9:30 when I was supposed to go at 10:45. What a space cadet.

4. My sister had her 3rd baby this week! It is very exciting to me. I haven't gone to see him yet as I have a sore throat. Also a symptom of mono.

5. I went to an awesome training last night for foster care. Learned about emotional coaching. Loved it. Am using it already. Has changed how I deal with my kids anger and sadness. Every parent should take it.

6. The birth mom of my 2 boys is in jail again. Will stay there for a year maybe from what I hear. The debate is if they should give the father reunification. ( for the baby). i hope not

7. Wyatt is now over 11 lbs. he is adorable and I worship him.

8. Byran wants to buy a 15 seater van. yea, fun. I'm rolling my eyes.

9. I have finally discovered at 37 years old that no one in my family gets me. I mean really gets me. It makes me sad.

10. I feel like this has been one of the hardest years of my life. I am actually glad it is coming to an end. I have had a lot of trials and it will feel good to start a new year out fresh. I have learned so much but I wouldn't want to do it again!

11. I am so glad that I play World of Warcraft. It is such a stress reliever for me. I can just zone out for a bit. I never play when the kids are home though. I like to be able to focus on them for the time they are here before bedtime. I play during nap time. Thank heavens for nap time. I have made so many great friends on the game.

12. I have stopped going to clogging. I am too tired at that time of day. 8pm. I usually go to bed at about 8:30pm because I am too tired to stay awake. I take long baths after the kids leave for school and it has been hard to get anything done. It"s not depression, it's different. I hope I figure it out.

13. Thank heavens for good friends who understand me. What I would do without them, I don't know.

14.I sure adore my man. He has been so good to me. It is good to have him home. He was gone for 5 days hunting. That was hard. I forgot a lot of things like the mite medicine in the dogs ears, I forgot feedings, thank heavens Jake remembered those poor animals outside. I forgot appointments and a million other little things. Good thing I have smart kids!

15. That's all for now folks. Thanks for reading. Sorry I haven't been around for a while. It looks like no one has! Hope to see you writing! bye.