Ignored, but not forgotten.

No, I have not abandoned this blog, but to be honest, I don't keep up with it like I do my other blog. If you'd like to follow me there, click here.

Have a wonderful day and thanks for stopping by!

Destiny?

It's Sunday morning. My gospel doctrine lesson is ready, my kids are dressed for church and everyone is happily getting along. I love church at eleven. It gives me time.

My goal is to write on this blog more often. This blog is for my random, everyday normal life. My other is mainly geared toward writing. I have debated just using one but on the other hand, I like having them separate.

So today, I want to chat a little about destiny. Are we destined to do certain things? I believe that sometimes we are. I think there are great leaders who were destined to lead and great scientists destined to discover great things. I can see God's hand in everything. But then, as humans, we gloriously screw it up.

Take the internet, for example. So much good is accomplished there, yet there are so many smutty people out there polluting it for their gain. Television is another. So many good things learned there, yet so many bad too. We have to be wise. We have to have smarts.

So, back to destiny. Am I destined to be a writer? Will I become rich and famous? I don't know about the rich and famous part, but I believe deep down in my gut that I was meant to write. It's the first job I've ever had that I absolutely love. I've had to dig deep and learn fast and it hasn't all been great, but so worth the ride.

I remember my first edited manuscript. I cried for a week. I almost gave up, thinking that I'd never get it, that I'd never get my own ideas and quit copying others, that I'd never learn all the stupid rules. But practice makes perfect. I got better with every word I wrote.

It's funny how we often look at someone else and think, "They do it so well. I'll never be that good." Why do they do it so well? Because they have spent HOURS upon HOURS practicing! What makes a virtuoso pianist? Hours of practice. What makes a great artist? Hours of practice. What makes a great writer? HOURS OF PRACTICE.

Now, some are born with a gift. Yeah for them. For the rest of us, and even for them, it takes time, dedication, hope, and practice. Yep folks. I believe in destiny, but I also believe that if you want something bad enough, you can have it. You don't have to be born with some fabulous talent or be a child prodigy. It just takes practice. If you want something, get your butt out there and practice!

Keep your hopes and dreams alive. You are the only one who can!

Loving What Is

I'm reading a new book called "Loving what is." Ever read it? My sister has it and talked about how much it has affected her in every aspect of her life. She's right. It's an incredible book with amazing insight.

I look at problems in a whole new way. It helps you to live in the present and let go of those things that hold you back and make you miserable. Anyway, I just thought I'd pass the title along. It's one of those books that can really impact the way you think about everything. Check it out.

A dream come true

Today, for the first time in fourteen years, I bought a pair of size 10 jeans. Not only did I just buy them, but they actually fit too! Since my first child was born, I've worn size 14.

Last fall, I went shopping with my sisters and all the size 14 jeans were too tight. I cried. I didn't want to go bigger. I felt hopeless as I'd tried every other diet out there with no lasting results. It wasn't that I wasn't willing to try, it was that nothing worked.

Then I heard about the hcg diet. I tried it. I've just finished my second stint and so far, I've lost 27 pounds. That may not seem like much, but it was a lot to me. To me, it's huge. I come from a family of skinny people and for many years, I was the fattest one. Not that I compared myself, but, well, you know, I did.

So, now I am down to 148. Most people would not admit all this but I want to give hope to those out there who are struggling. There is a way. It works. I have developed great eating habits and I feel wonderful. And let me just say, pulling on those size 10 jeans was just plain orgasmic. All I have to say is . . . YOU GO GIRL!!

Hope for the future

It sure has been a while. I've been neglecting this blog as I usually write tidbits of my normal life on facebook. But today, I've spent time reflecting. Many of you know that my five year old, Gabe has reactive/attachment disorder. It's tough to deal with. Some days, I feel like I'm drowning.

The constant destuction of things, lying and contention wear me down. It's a cycle that is very hard to get out of. I finally called our medicade guy who is in charge of Gabe, begging for help. He gave me the name of a therapist who uses alternative therapies and Medicaid will actually pay for it! It's a miracle! You see, when you adopt a child from the foster care system, they get Medicaid insurance until they're 18. It sure helps. Anyway, our first appoint was last Monday to set up an assessment and the first official appointment is this coming Wednesday.

We've tried traditional therapy and it just doesn't work. Sorry, you traditional therapists out there. Some things need to be healed in a different way.

If you want to know more about this new therapy, you can check out this website-- www.eeg.com. Hope it works. I'm at my wits end. I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks to all for your continued support.

Take Joy!

This was a poem that was read in our little play. It soon became one of my favorites. It took twelve performances for its meaning to sink in. It touches my heart. I hope you love it too.

Fra Giovanni Giocondo (c.1435–1515)

Take Joy

There is nothing I can give you which you have not; but there is much, very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take. No Heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it to-day. Take Heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace!

The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. There is radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see; and to see, we have only to look. I beseech you to look.

Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by their covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering, and you will find beneath it a living splendor, woven of love, by wisdom, with power. Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the Angel’s hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty: believe me, that angel’s hand is there; the gift is there, and the wonder of an overshadowing Presence. Our joys, too: be not content with them as joys, they too conceal divine gifts.

Life is so full of meaning and of purpose, so full of beauty—beneath its covering—that you will find that earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage, then to claim it: that is all! But courage you have; and the knowledge that we are pilgrims together, wending through unknown country, home.

And so, at this Christmas time, I greet you; not quite as the world sends greetings, but with profound esteem, and with the prayer that for you, now and forever, the day breaks and the shadows flee away.

Panic!

It's amazing how things turn out when we follow our gut feelings. This weekend was really starting to scare me. I have a play performance on Fri. night, Sat afternoon and Sat. night. Then we have to strike the set. Our director told us to plan on being there at least until midnight. Yikes! That is a terrifying prospect for someone who likes to be in bed before ten!

Then I was supposed to teach the gospel doctrine class at my church. I have to be there by 8:30 am to practice with the choir as we are doing a little program. I was also asked to sing the duet, "O Holy Night," which is a huge song, very powerful, kind of difficult. It stresses me out a bit. Then I got roped in to singing another song in a quartet. And we still need to all get together and practice! Another yikes!

I know. Don't say it. I just didn't realize how busy this weekend would be. I was starting to panic just a bit. I'm not the type to pile things on my plate this way. Normally, I'm the stay at home in Levis and watch movies kind of girl. But the play people were desperate for a soprano and the church people were desperate for a musical number etc.....

So, I called my partner in crime and asked him to teach for me. I feel SO much better, and really think it was the right thing to do. What a weight off my shoulders! He wasn't excited (I don't think) but said yes, anyway. After this weekend, I'm going to go back to my lazy life! I prefer to be a recluse, so everyone, leave me alone! he he

Global warming

I find the debate about global warming an interesting one. Does it exist? Is it a hoax?

What do you think? All we can know is what scientists tell us. Do we believe them? It has been scientifically proven that the general temperature of the earth has risen a few degrees. Not tons, but a bit. It's obvious. All you have to do is see the disappearing glaciers around the world to know it's true.

What most people don't realize, is that global warming will not make the earth hotter. It will actually bring on a freeze. You see, as the icecaps melt, they dump ice-cold water into the oceans at an amazing pace. All that cold water is changing the temp. of the oceans which changes the natural flow (current). That means when it evaporates, it forms clouds where it normally wouldn't. So, places that used to have rain, won't, and deserts will flood.

We are already seeing that. Australia has had a seven year drought. In places where it used to rain, it is now a dust bowl and where it used to be dry, it's flooding. We see that affect all over the world in one degree or another.

Do I believe in global warming? I don't know. But I do see the facts and their effects. I wish I knew what the future held. For now, I'm going to bundle up and hope this freeze doesn't last too long.

Free movies

I had the strangest dream last night. In my dream, I woke up and Heidi had a little, dark haired boy in her room with her. He was about her age and had beautiful blue eyes. I found out that Heidi had found him the night before (who knows where. You know how dreams are.) and he had come home with her.

I came to learn that he'd been kidnapped a little while before and was from Little Rock, Tennessee. Yes, I'm aware there is no Little Rock in Tennessee. He had escaped and was living on the street when Heidi found him.

So...I kept telling him we would call the police and get him home. I kept imagining how wonderful it would be for his parents to find him safe and sound. The strange thing is, I never called the police. Just kept intending to. Weird. Maybe I'll write a book about it. It would be a good premise to a story.

Anyway, there it is. My psychosis for all the world to see. =) Every night is like going to a free movie. My dreams are always vivid and exciting. Love it.

Gratitude for the past, hope for the future

What a lovely day it's been. I am still amazed on a daily basis at how much I've grown since my youth. I'm amazed at what I've learned in my short thirty-nine years.

When I was young, my life stretched out before me like a long winding trail through a beautiful Oregon forest. Now I can look back and remember the times where I traveled not only through lush, green woods, but through hot, blistering deserts and sharp, rocky terrain. It hasn't all been easy, but I can honestly say, I've loved the ride.

I'm lucky in that I can admit I have truly been in love. Twice, actually. I've had the privilege to have children and watch them grow, even though there have been times when I swear I'd go insane, I have made it through . . . so far!

I have been blessed to develop talents I didn't even know I had. I honestly thought that a person's talents pretty much made themselves known when they were young and it was our responsibility to nurture them. Not anymore! Now I know better. For example, my love of writing. Now, I've always been a reader. One time, when I was about fourteen, I was supposed to go somewhere with my Dad and siblings. My mom was going somewhere else. I lied and told my dad I was going with my mom and told my mom I was going with Dad. ALL SO I COULD STAY HOME ALONE AND READ! What a naughty girl! lol

That love of reading turned into a love of writing, a talent I didn't even know existed inside me until one day, it exploded out! I am so grateful for that!

Also, I was recently called to teach the gospel doctrine class in my church, and let me just say, that was one experience I NEVER wanted. But I have found an aptitude for teaching and I love it. I love how people in my class are able to open up and talk about things they never usually would. Every week, we cry and share and I love it. What a blessing in my life. A blessing I didn't even want to begin with. Strange, isn't it?

And, last but not least, on this week of Thanksgiving, I am so grateful for my husband and family. My kids keep me on my toes, letting me know I'm still alive. My husband is so kind and fun and even when I'm ornery, he teases me out of it. He knows me so well and loves me anyway. And to my sisters . . . what can I say? It has been a rocky road at times, but I adore every one of you. You are my true friends and I love you guys. Then there is my dad and brothers who I hardly ever see or get to talk to, but I think about them every day. I love these people so much and my life is richer, more fun, and more fulfilled because of them.

There it is. My life in a nutshell. Thank heavens for the chance to live, the opportunity to grow and most of all, for the fact that life is not fair. If life were fair, we'd all be boring old fogies with nothing to show for ourselves. Thank you, thank you.

Disaster avoided!

I just almost burned my house down. I was sitting at my computer, and on the phone with a friend when all of a sudden, I said, "What's that smell?" I could smell smoke. I got up and went to the stairs and looked down into my basement. Waves of smoke were wafting up toward me.

My heart fell in dread of what could possibly be happening down there. We have a kitchen in the basement that we don't use often and an electric stove that we unplugged a long time ago and don't use except during holidays...maybe. So, I have boxes and other things stacked there because, hey, who cares? It's unplugged.

Well, I'd gone down earlier to look for something and had rummaged through a box on that stove. Somehow the nob on the back had turned on while I was going through the box. Honestly, I don't know how it could have happened and who the &#*% had plugged it in anyway?????

So I coughed my way through the smoke--and yes, the alarm was screaming--to see the corner of the box smoldering but not yet on fire. It had sure made tons of smoke though. So I picked it up and carried it to the french doors we have down there. As soon as I opened the door, the box burst into flames! I screamed and dropped it on the back patio before I caught on fire myself. My heart was pounding and my two year old who'd followed me was crying.

Bry was home so I called him out of the horse corrals and we opened all the windows and doors. We have a super nice set of smoke alarms and by this time, they were all going off. TERRIBLE! I just can't believe how lucky we were. Here we were at home and our house could have burned down around us. Everything gone. That fast. Thank heavens it didn't. What a miracle because let me tell you, that box had been sitting on that hot burner for AT LEAST a half hour. Possibly and probably longer.

Thank heavens for guardian angels and a nose that knows.

What if?

I have been astronomically amazed by the growth of Facebook. It was about a year ago or so that I joined myself. Maybe less than a year. I don't remember. Anyway, since my job as a writer keeps me at the computer for a big chunk of the day I flit over to facebook for breaks here and there.

I have reconnected with childhood friends, high school friends, college buddies and mission companions that I knew I'd never see again. Now I can see them on a daily basis and even talk to people as far away as Norway! Yes, I have a friend in Norway and a bunch in Venezuela! Amazing!

Recently, I found an old boyfriend. I remember the way my heart pounded as I stared at his name. I think I even held my breath for a moment before clicking on it. Yep folks, I might have even broke out in a sweat. How that can happen when we broke up eons ago and have found other people to love and adore?

This particular boy was my first love. My REAL first love. I'd dated tons and had crushes since I was in third grade, but those don't count. When I found him, he was it. I'd spotted him in my college choir and decided then and there that I wanted him, and of course, I got him. =)

It took forever for him to accept my invite to be friends of facebook because he seldom gets on, but once he did, I looked through his pictures of course, and a flood of memories came back, washing over me as though I were eighteen again. He looks the very same. It was very strange and for a moment, I felt sad that he'd dumped me for a younger woman! Yep, I was dumped--right after my mission. At the time, I was still weirded out by boys but the one date we went on, was very uncomfortable. It just wasn't there anymore, that feeling, that is.

I don't know if it would have come rushing back if I'd had time to adjust to normal life, but some things just aren't meant to be. I'm very in love with my husband and I love my life and kids and there is no way, even for a billion dollars that I'd trade it, because I am so happy with the way things are now.

Still, I wonder . . . what if? Don't we all?

Halloween. Mmm mmm good!

It has been a super long time since I've written anything here. But since It's Friday and tomorrow is Halloween, it seems a fitting day for a post.

I LOVE Halloween. It has always been one of my favorites. I love ghosts and goblins, candy, trick or treating and all that good stuff. I also love the history behind Halloween.

Back in the day, the Celts celebrated their new year on November first. They believed that the veil between life and death was very thin at that time as the harvest had just ended and it grew very cold. So, on October 31 they celebrated a holiday called Samhain where they believed that the ghosts of the dead could return to earth and not only were these ghosts a bit on the mischievous side, damaging crops and things, but they also helped the Druids predict the future which was a very good thing. It gave them comfort through the long winter months.

To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities.

During this celebration, the Celts wore costumes, fierce and terrifying, to honor the dead spirits.

The Christians, who were trying to convert these pagans changed the Holiday to represent a more "worthy" theme. They took the November first date and called it All Saints Eve or All Hallow's Eve," which mean the same thing. Then it was shortened to Hallow's 'een, then to just plain old Halloween.

No matter what the Christians back then did, they just couldn't take the "pagan" out of the people. And today, we still celebrate the dead by dressing up in costumes, handing out candy (to appease the dead) and just plain let the heathen out who still resides inside us, waiting to cause mischief and mayhem!

I'm a firm believer and in letting the heathen out once in a while. It keeps you from needing therapy!

That neurotic, schizophrenic voice in my head.

I know it's been quite a while since I've last written here, but in all honesty, I just don't have time to do my book writing, write on my writing blog, write here and do facebook! I do have priorities! ha ha

So today, I want to discuss that little thing called, "following your gut."

How often do we get an impression to do something and ignore it? I have learned NEVER to ignore it and I never do anymore. I have no idea what would have happened or would not have happened once I've changed course and obey that feeling, but I don't care. I don't need to know.

Like this morning, for those of you who read my facebook post, I had a jam in my printer. It was so small, I almost missed it. Literally, it was a piece of paper about a half inch by a half inch and it was way in. I couldn't reach it. I tried everything from tweasters to a tiny screwdriver. All I managed to do was push it further.

So, I sat there staring, feeling hopeless, knowing I couldn't take the whole dang printer apart becasue I KNOW I'd ruin it. Then, a voice in my head (and I swear, this is how it is for me, I hear voices! lol) told me to use my big honkin' vacuum. I didn't even hesitate. It still took me using the vacuum alternating with the small screw driver but after about eight tries, I finally got it.

Yesterday, I'd left for my sister's house when I had the thought that I should go back and get the bag of clothes I'd saved for her daughter. No big deal to have left it home, but this feeling told me to get my butt back home, so I did. I don't know why it was important or if it really even was important, but I don't care anymore. I just do it and I've never regretted a time I've listened.

So, the moral of the story here is, if you think you're nuts, you may be, but just keep going and make that voice your friend!

Need to vent!

I have been so anxious this week. I swear I'm going to get an ulcer. I've finally realized what it is too! At first, I was sure it was the coming conference, but the conference is over and I still feel it. You know, that feeling where you can't relax, something's coming. Nothing you do makes you feel any better and the more you feel it, the more tired and ornery you get! In fact, so tired and ornery that you want to pull your hair out and scream!

Well, it's my manuscript. I sent it in on Tuesday and I can't think, concentrate or sleep until I hear back. I'm sure that's the culprit. I haven't even been able to relax and read in the tub and that is saying something. If they don't call and tell me one way or another soon, I'm going to burst!

Please let it be "yes." Please let them say, "We love your book! We want to publish it!"

I can't stand the pressure! lol

Anyway, I feel better now. Just from venting. Thanks for the open ear.

Healthy!

I went to my homeopathic doc this week and had my blood tested again. I wanted to know if the natural antibiotic, parasitic and the rife machine worked. I admit, I was a bit skeptical but I also hoped it was working. I am feeling better, after all.

Well guess what? My blood was beautiful! Flowing like a river and the cells were all big, puffy and red like they're supposed to be! Woo Hoo! I started cheering, right there in his office chair. There was only a teensy-tiny bit of that sticking together of blood cells here and there, but compared to before, it was nothing. The Cayenne pepper capsules fix that so I'll keep on taking them once a day. But all in all, I'm practically back to perfect health.

It's too bad normal doctors don't check blood in this way. They'd find so much more and it's a cheep, easy fix. Oh well, I'm just grateful I was led to him.

Checking in

I'm sick of looking at parasites so I guess I should post a new blog! lol

School is officially in and the kids love it. So do I! Wyatt and I get time alone together which I treasure. Lucky, he also takes a nice long nap giving me time to work on my writing.

What a sweet baby he is.

The LUW conference is coming up. I am so excited! I can't wait! I sure hope all these hours of writing and conferences comes to something. Not that I don't love to write just for writing's sake, but I want my books published so bad!!!

Anyway, that's all I have time for. If you want to keep up with me, check out facebook!

Fresh Blood

I did something interesting this week. I went to Homeopathic doctor who can find what's wrong with you in about three minutes (pretty much) where it takes other normal doctors years and thousands of dollars to figure out.

He looks at your blood under a high powered microscope which is hooked up to a big TV screen and lets you see everything happening there. What I learned was that most of us are walking hotels.

Most of the time, when fresh blood is put under a microscope, it moves around and flows like a river until it dies. My blood didn't move at all and the red blood cells were stuck to each other like train cars. I had tons of bacteria and parasites living there, eating my blood cells. I thought I'd throw up. It totally grossed me out. The doc. kept saying, "no wonder you're so tired," over and over.

I'm breeding more than one kind of parasite and they are full and happy. I got an natural antibiotic and parasitic capsules to kill them. The doc also uses a Rife machine. It has metal rods you hold and a thing you put your feet on. It sends frequencies through your body that kill the bugs that the capsules miss. It's absolutely incredible! I feel so blessed to have found him! He tested my kid's blood too and we're all taking a de-wormer! lol Most people have bacterias and parasites in their bodies from eating and touching contaminated food and if you let them get out of control, they will make you sick in a million different ways. Check it out.

If you're interested in learning more, email me.

Trying to keep up

It has been about a week so it's time for a post! I don't know why it's so hard to keep up. I see so many other writers who blog faithfully, but I get further and further behind!

Between five kids, writing and trying to clean the house (every once in a while), the farm out back, and most importantly, my hubby, I find that after working on my book, I just don't want to type anymore. How do you other writers do it?

Anyway, Jake left at 5:30 this morning for a week at scout camp. I never see that boy anymore. He spent all of last week in Montana fly fishing. He's having way too much fun! But don't worry. I'll have plenty of chores for him to do when he gets home!

Seth loves being the big man and I have to admit, the house is much quieter and peaceful. I mean that in the nicest way! lol But dang! Teenagers are hard!

So, it's Monday but I'd really like to take off and go to a movie. I need a fun break with friends. I haven't had a friend date in ages and I'm going through withdrawals. Isn't there someone out there who wants to go out and play?

So much for that. Have a great week!

My Dang Neck!

Well, the news is that I had a fabulous weekend camping in my new trailer (it's new to me anyway) and with my sisters and their families. The sun shined the whole time and the stream was just right. No to wild, not too tame and safe for kids.

It was the last morning we were there that I rolled over and my neck seized up. Terrible! So I have spent my time since on drugs and heat. That part I did like! Now I wait for my Chiropractor to fit me in. It's actually good I had to wait because the spasming and swelling has gone down. It will be easier to adjust.

So today, I sit here, writing in my book and waiting for the phone to ring. I hope it does soon. It's a good excuse to be lazy! lol