My days and dreams

Ignored, but not forgotten.

2010-03-11T08:22:00.002-07:00

No, I have not abandoned this blog, but to be honest, I don't keep up with it like I do my other blog. If you'd like to follow me there, click here.

Have a wonderful day and thanks for stopping by!

Destiny?

2010-01-31T10:20:00.003-07:00

It's Sunday morning. My gospel doctrine lesson is ready, my kids are dressed for church and everyone is happily getting along. I love church at eleven. It gives me time.

My goal is to write on this blog more often. This blog is for my random, everyday normal life. My other is mainly geared toward writing. I have debated just using one but on the other hand, I like having them separate.

So today, I want to chat a little about destiny. Are we destined to do certain things? I believe that sometimes we are. I think there are great leaders who were destined to lead and great scientists destined to discover great things. I can see God's hand in everything. But then, as humans, we gloriously screw it up.

Take the internet, for example. So much good is accomplished there, yet there are so many smutty people out there polluting it for their gain. Television is another. So many good things learned there, yet so many bad too. We have to be wise. We have to have smarts.

So, back to destiny. Am I destined to be a writer? Will I become rich and famous? I don't know about the rich and famous part, but I believe deep down in my gut that I was meant to write. It's the first job I've ever had that I absolutely love. I've had to dig deep and learn fast and it hasn't all been great, but so worth the ride.

I remember my first edited manuscript. I cried for a week. I almost gave up, thinking that I'd never get it, that I'd never get my own ideas and quit copying others, that I'd never learn all the stupid rules. But practice makes perfect. I got better with every word I wrote.

It's funny how we often look at someone else and think, "They do it so well. I'll never be that good." Why do they do it so well? Because they have spent HOURS upon HOURS practicing! What makes a virtuoso pianist? Hours of practice. What makes a great artist? Hours of practice. What makes a great writer? HOURS OF PRACTICE.

Now, some are born with a gift. Yeah for them. For the rest of us, and even for them, it takes time, dedication, hope, and practice. Yep folks. I believe in destiny, but I also believe that if you want something bad enough, you can have it. You don't have to be born with some fabulous talent or be a child prodigy. It just takes practice. If you want something, get your butt out there and practice!

Keep your hopes and dreams alive. You are the only one who can!

Loving What Is

2010-01-29T21:52:00.004-07:00

I'm reading a new book called "Loving what is." Ever read it? My sister has it and talked about how much it has affected her in every aspect of her life. She's right. It's an incredible book with amazing insight.

I look at problems in a whole new way. It helps you to live in the present and let go of those things that hold you back and make you miserable. Anyway, I just thought I'd pass the title along. It's one of those books that can really impact the way you think about everything. Check it out.

A dream come true

2010-01-25T20:24:00.004-07:00

Today, for the first time in fourteen years, I bought a pair of size 10 jeans. Not only did I just buy them, but they actually fit too! Since my first child was born, I've worn size 14.

Last fall, I went shopping with my sisters and all the size 14 jeans were too tight. I cried. I didn't want to go bigger. I felt hopeless as I'd tried every other diet out there with no lasting results. It wasn't that I wasn't willing to try, it was that nothing worked.

Then I heard about the hcg diet. I tried it. I've just finished my second stint and so far, I've lost 27 pounds. That may not seem like much, but it was a lot to me. To me, it's huge. I come from a family of skinny people and for many years, I was the fattest one. Not that I compared myself, but, well, you know, I did.

So, now I am down to 148. Most people would not admit all this but I want to give hope to those out there who are struggling. There is a way. It works. I have developed great eating habits and I feel wonderful. And let me just say, pulling on those size 10 jeans was just plain orgasmic. All I have to say is . . . YOU GO GIRL!!

Hope for the future

2010-01-23T10:26:00.003-07:00

It sure has been a while. I've been neglecting this blog as I usually write tidbits of my normal life on facebook. But today, I've spent time reflecting. Many of you know that my five year old, Gabe has reactive/attachment disorder. It's tough to deal with. Some days, I feel like I'm drowning.

The constant destuction of things, lying and contention wear me down. It's a cycle that is very hard to get out of. I finally called our medicade guy who is in charge of Gabe, begging for help. He gave me the name of a therapist who uses alternative therapies and Medicaid will actually pay for it! It's a miracle! You see, when you adopt a child from the foster care system, they get Medicaid insurance until they're 18. It sure helps. Anyway, our first appoint was last Monday to set up an assessment and the first official appointment is this coming Wednesday.

We've tried traditional therapy and it just doesn't work. Sorry, you traditional therapists out there. Some things need to be healed in a different way.

If you want to know more about this new therapy, you can check out this website-- www.eeg.com. Hope it works. I'm at my wits end. I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks to all for your continued support.

Take Joy!

2009-12-20T19:39:00.001-07:00

This was a poem that was read in our little play. It soon became one of my favorites. It took twelve performances for its meaning to sink in. It touches my heart. I hope you love it too.

Fra Giovanni Giocondo (c.1435–1515)

Take Joy

There is nothing I can give you which you have not; but there is much, very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take. No Heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it to-day. Take Heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace!

The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. There is radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see; and to see, we have only to look. I beseech you to look.

Life is so generous a giver, but we, judging its gifts by their covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering, and you will find beneath it a living splendor, woven of love, by wisdom, with power. Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the Angel’s hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty: believe me, that angel’s hand is there; the gift is there, and the wonder of an overshadowing Presence. Our joys, too: be not content with them as joys, they too conceal divine gifts.

Life is so full of meaning and of purpose, so full of beauty—beneath its covering—that you will find that earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage, then to claim it: that is all! But courage you have; and the knowledge that we are pilgrims together, wending through unknown country, home.

And so, at this Christmas time, I greet you; not quite as the world sends greetings, but with profound esteem, and with the prayer that for you, now and forever, the day breaks and the shadows flee away.

Panic!

2009-12-15T10:25:00.004-07:00

It's amazing how things turn out when we follow our gut feelings. This weekend was really starting to scare me. I have a play performance on Fri. night, Sat afternoon and Sat. night. Then we have to strike the set. Our director told us to plan on being there at least until midnight. Yikes! That is a terrifying prospect for someone who likes to be in bed before ten!

Then I was supposed to teach the gospel doctrine class at my church. I have to be there by 8:30 am to practice with the choir as we are doing a little program. I was also asked to sing the duet, "O Holy Night," which is a huge song, very powerful, kind of difficult. It stresses me out a bit. Then I got roped in to singing another song in a quartet. And we still need to all get together and practice! Another yikes!

I know. Don't say it. I just didn't realize how busy this weekend would be. I was starting to panic just a bit. I'm not the type to pile things on my plate this way. Normally, I'm the stay at home in Levis and watch movies kind of girl. But the play people were desperate for a soprano and the church people were desperate for a musical number etc.....

So, I called my partner in crime and asked him to teach for me. I feel SO much better, and really think it was the right thing to do. What a weight off my shoulders! He wasn't excited (I don't think) but said yes, anyway. After this weekend, I'm going to go back to my lazy life! I prefer to be a recluse, so everyone, leave me alone! he he

Global warming

2009-12-10T08:55:00.004-07:00

I find the debate about global warming an interesting one. Does it exist? Is it a hoax?

What do you think? All we can know is what scientists tell us. Do we believe them? It has been scientifically proven that the general temperature of the earth has risen a few degrees. Not tons, but a bit. It's obvious. All you have to do is see the disappearing glaciers around the world to know it's true.

What most people don't realize, is that global warming will not make the earth hotter. It will actually bring on a freeze. You see, as the icecaps melt, they dump ice-cold water into the oceans at an amazing pace. All that cold water is changing the temp. of the oceans which changes the natural flow (current). That means when it evaporates, it forms clouds where it normally wouldn't. So, places that used to have rain, won't, and deserts will flood.

We are already seeing that. Australia has had a seven year drought. In places where it used to rain, it is now a dust bowl and where it used to be dry, it's flooding. We see that affect all over the world in one degree or another.

Do I believe in global warming? I don't know. But I do see the facts and their effects. I wish I knew what the future held. For now, I'm going to bundle up and hope this freeze doesn't last too long.

Free movies

2009-12-04T14:39:00.002-07:00

I had the strangest dream last night. In my dream, I woke up and Heidi had a little, dark haired boy in her room with her. He was about her age and had beautiful blue eyes. I found out that Heidi had found him the night before (who knows where. You know how dreams are.) and he had come home with her.

I came to learn that he'd been kidnapped a little while before and was from Little Rock, Tennessee. Yes, I'm aware there is no Little Rock in Tennessee. He had escaped and was living on the street when Heidi found him.

So...I kept telling him we would call the police and get him home. I kept imagining how wonderful it would be for his parents to find him safe and sound. The strange thing is, I never called the police. Just kept intending to. Weird. Maybe I'll write a book about it. It would be a good premise to a story.

Anyway, there it is. My psychosis for all the world to see. =) Every night is like going to a free movie. My dreams are always vivid and exciting. Love it.

Gratitude for the past, hope for the future

2009-11-22T13:00:00.005-07:00

What a lovely day it's been. I am still amazed on a daily basis at how much I've grown since my youth. I'm amazed at what I've learned in my short thirty-nine years.

When I was young, my life stretched out before me like a long winding trail through a beautiful Oregon forest. Now I can look back and remember the times where I traveled not only through lush, green woods, but through hot, blistering deserts and sharp, rocky terrain. It hasn't all been easy, but I can honestly say, I've loved the ride.

I'm lucky in that I can admit I have truly been in love. Twice, actually. I've had the privilege to have children and watch them grow, even though there have been times when I swear I'd go insane, I have made it through . . . so far!

I have been blessed to develop talents I didn't even know I had. I honestly thought that a person's talents pretty much made themselves known when they were young and it was our responsibility to nurture them. Not anymore! Now I know better. For example, my love of writing. Now, I've always been a reader. One time, when I was about fourteen, I was supposed to go somewhere with my Dad and siblings. My mom was going somewhere else. I lied and told my dad I was going with my mom and told my mom I was going with Dad. ALL SO I COULD STAY HOME ALONE AND READ! What a naughty girl! lol

That love of reading turned into a love of writing, a talent I didn't even know existed inside me until one day, it exploded out! I am so grateful for that!

Also, I was recently called to teach the gospel doctrine class in my church, and let me just say, that was one experience I NEVER wanted. But I have found an aptitude for teaching and I love it. I love how people in my class are able to open up and talk about things they never usually would. Every week, we cry and share and I love it. What a blessing in my life. A blessing I didn't even want to begin with. Strange, isn't it?

And, last but not least, on this week of Thanksgiving, I am so grateful for my husband and family. My kids keep me on my toes, letting me know I'm still alive. My husband is so kind and fun and even when I'm ornery, he teases me out of it. He knows me so well and loves me anyway. And to my sisters . . . what can I say? It has been a rocky road at times, but I adore every one of you. You are my true friends and I love you guys. Then there is my dad and brothers who I hardly ever see or get to talk to, but I think about them every day. I love these people so much and my life is richer, more fun, and more fulfilled because of them.

There it is. My life in a nutshell. Thank heavens for the chance to live, the opportunity to grow and most of all, for the fact that life is not fair. If life were fair, we'd all be boring old fogies with nothing to show for ourselves. Thank you, thank you.

Disaster avoided!

2009-11-12T10:51:00.003-07:00

I just almost burned my house down. I was sitting at my computer, and on the phone with a friend when all of a sudden, I said, "What's that smell?" I could smell smoke. I got up and went to the stairs and looked down into my basement. Waves of smoke were wafting up toward me.

My heart fell in dread of what could possibly be happening down there. We have a kitchen in the basement that we don't use often and an electric stove that we unplugged a long time ago and don't use except during holidays...maybe. So, I have boxes and other things stacked there because, hey, who cares? It's unplugged.

Well, I'd gone down earlier to look for something and had rummaged through a box on that stove. Somehow the nob on the back had turned on while I was going through the box. Honestly, I don't know how it could have happened and who the &#*% had plugged it in anyway?????

So I coughed my way through the smoke--and yes, the alarm was screaming--to see the corner of the box smoldering but not yet on fire. It had sure made tons of smoke though. So I picked it up and carried it to the french doors we have down there. As soon as I opened the door, the box burst into flames! I screamed and dropped it on the back patio before I caught on fire myself. My heart was pounding and my two year old who'd followed me was crying.

Bry was home so I called him out of the horse corrals and we opened all the windows and doors. We have a super nice set of smoke alarms and by this time, they were all going off. TERRIBLE! I just can't believe how lucky we were. Here we were at home and our house could have burned down around us. Everything gone. That fast. Thank heavens it didn't. What a miracle because let me tell you, that box had been sitting on that hot burner for AT LEAST a half hour. Possibly and probably longer.

Thank heavens for guardian angels and a nose that knows.

What if?

2009-11-04T06:20:00.004-07:00

I have been astronomically amazed by the growth of Facebook. It was about a year ago or so that I joined myself. Maybe less than a year. I don't remember. Anyway, since my job as a writer keeps me at the computer for a big chunk of the day I flit over to facebook for breaks here and there.

I have reconnected with childhood friends, high school friends, college buddies and mission companions that I knew I'd never see again. Now I can see them on a daily basis and even talk to people as far away as Norway! Yes, I have a friend in Norway and a bunch in Venezuela! Amazing!

Recently, I found an old boyfriend. I remember the way my heart pounded as I stared at his name. I think I even held my breath for a moment before clicking on it. Yep folks, I might have even broke out in a sweat. How that can happen when we broke up eons ago and have found other people to love and adore?

This particular boy was my first love. My REAL first love. I'd dated tons and had crushes since I was in third grade, but those don't count. When I found him, he was it. I'd spotted him in my college choir and decided then and there that I wanted him, and of course, I got him. =)

It took forever for him to accept my invite to be friends of facebook because he seldom gets on, but once he did, I looked through his pictures of course, and a flood of memories came back, washing over me as though I were eighteen again. He looks the very same. It was very strange and for a moment, I felt sad that he'd dumped me for a younger woman! Yep, I was dumped--right after my mission. At the time, I was still weirded out by boys but the one date we went on, was very uncomfortable. It just wasn't there anymore, that feeling, that is.

I don't know if it would have come rushing back if I'd had time to adjust to normal life, but some things just aren't meant to be. I'm very in love with my husband and I love my life and kids and there is no way, even for a billion dollars that I'd trade it, because I am so happy with the way things are now.

Still, I wonder . . . what if? Don't we all?

Halloween. Mmm mmm good!

2009-10-30T07:53:00.006-06:00

It has been a super long time since I've written anything here. But since It's Friday and tomorrow is Halloween, it seems a fitting day for a post.

I LOVE Halloween. It has always been one of my favorites. I love ghosts and goblins, candy, trick or treating and all that good stuff. I also love the history behind Halloween.

Back in the day, the Celts celebrated their new year on November first. They believed that the veil between life and death was very thin at that time as the harvest had just ended and it grew very cold. So, on October 31 they celebrated a holiday called Samhain where they believed that the ghosts of the dead could return to earth and not only were these ghosts a bit on the mischievous side, damaging crops and things, but they also helped the Druids predict the future which was a very good thing. It gave them comfort through the long winter months.

To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities.

During this celebration, the Celts wore costumes, fierce and terrifying, to honor the dead spirits.

The Christians, who were trying to convert these pagans changed the Holiday to represent a more "worthy" theme. They took the November first date and called it All Saints Eve or All Hallow's Eve," which mean the same thing. Then it was shortened to Hallow's 'een, then to just plain old Halloween.

No matter what the Christians back then did, they just couldn't take the "pagan" out of the people. And today, we still celebrate the dead by dressing up in costumes, handing out candy (to appease the dead) and just plain let the heathen out who still resides inside us, waiting to cause mischief and mayhem!

I'm a firm believer and in letting the heathen out once in a while. It keeps you from needing therapy!

That neurotic, schizophrenic voice in my head.

2009-10-07T10:28:00.004-06:00

I know it's been quite a while since I've last written here, but in all honesty, I just don't have time to do my book writing, write on my writing blog, write here and do facebook! I do have priorities! ha ha

So today, I want to discuss that little thing called, "following your gut."

How often do we get an impression to do something and ignore it? I have learned NEVER to ignore it and I never do anymore. I have no idea what would have happened or would not have happened once I've changed course and obey that feeling, but I don't care. I don't need to know.

Like this morning, for those of you who read my facebook post, I had a jam in my printer. It was so small, I almost missed it. Literally, it was a piece of paper about a half inch by a half inch and it was way in. I couldn't reach it. I tried everything from tweasters to a tiny screwdriver. All I managed to do was push it further.

So, I sat there staring, feeling hopeless, knowing I couldn't take the whole dang printer apart becasue I KNOW I'd ruin it. Then, a voice in my head (and I swear, this is how it is for me, I hear voices! lol) told me to use my big honkin' vacuum. I didn't even hesitate. It still took me using the vacuum alternating with the small screw driver but after about eight tries, I finally got it.

Yesterday, I'd left for my sister's house when I had the thought that I should go back and get the bag of clothes I'd saved for her daughter. No big deal to have left it home, but this feeling told me to get my butt back home, so I did. I don't know why it was important or if it really even was important, but I don't care anymore. I just do it and I've never regretted a time I've listened.

So, the moral of the story here is, if you think you're nuts, you may be, but just keep going and make that voice your friend!

Need to vent!

2009-09-25T16:46:00.003-06:00

I have been so anxious this week. I swear I'm going to get an ulcer. I've finally realized what it is too! At first, I was sure it was the coming conference, but the conference is over and I still feel it. You know, that feeling where you can't relax, something's coming. Nothing you do makes you feel any better and the more you feel it, the more tired and ornery you get! In fact, so tired and ornery that you want to pull your hair out and scream!

Well, it's my manuscript. I sent it in on Tuesday and I can't think, concentrate or sleep until I hear back. I'm sure that's the culprit. I haven't even been able to relax and read in the tub and that is saying something. If they don't call and tell me one way or another soon, I'm going to burst!

Please let it be "yes." Please let them say, "We love your book! We want to publish it!"

I can't stand the pressure! lol

Anyway, I feel better now. Just from venting. Thanks for the open ear.

Healthy!

2009-09-17T05:33:00.002-06:00

I went to my homeopathic doc this week and had my blood tested again. I wanted to know if the natural antibiotic, parasitic and the rife machine worked. I admit, I was a bit skeptical but I also hoped it was working. I am feeling better, after all.

Well guess what? My blood was beautiful! Flowing like a river and the cells were all big, puffy and red like they're supposed to be! Woo Hoo! I started cheering, right there in his office chair. There was only a teensy-tiny bit of that sticking together of blood cells here and there, but compared to before, it was nothing. The Cayenne pepper capsules fix that so I'll keep on taking them once a day. But all in all, I'm practically back to perfect health.

It's too bad normal doctors don't check blood in this way. They'd find so much more and it's a cheep, easy fix. Oh well, I'm just grateful I was led to him.

Checking in

2009-09-03T15:20:00.002-06:00

I'm sick of looking at parasites so I guess I should post a new blog! lol

School is officially in and the kids love it. So do I! Wyatt and I get time alone together which I treasure. Lucky, he also takes a nice long nap giving me time to work on my writing.

What a sweet baby he is.

The LUW conference is coming up. I am so excited! I can't wait! I sure hope all these hours of writing and conferences comes to something. Not that I don't love to write just for writing's sake, but I want my books published so bad!!!

Anyway, that's all I have time for. If you want to keep up with me, check out facebook!

Fresh Blood

2009-08-21T17:45:00.003-06:00

I did something interesting this week. I went to Homeopathic doctor who can find what's wrong with you in about three minutes (pretty much) where it takes other normal doctors years and thousands of dollars to figure out.

He looks at your blood under a high powered microscope which is hooked up to a big TV screen and lets you see everything happening there. What I learned was that most of us are walking hotels.

Most of the time, when fresh blood is put under a microscope, it moves around and flows like a river until it dies. My blood didn't move at all and the red blood cells were stuck to each other like train cars. I had tons of bacteria and parasites living there, eating my blood cells. I thought I'd throw up. It totally grossed me out. The doc. kept saying, "no wonder you're so tired," over and over.

I'm breeding more than one kind of parasite and they are full and happy. I got an natural antibiotic and parasitic capsules to kill them. The doc also uses a Rife machine. It has metal rods you hold and a thing you put your feet on. It sends frequencies through your body that kill the bugs that the capsules miss. It's absolutely incredible! I feel so blessed to have found him! He tested my kid's blood too and we're all taking a de-wormer! lol Most people have bacterias and parasites in their bodies from eating and touching contaminated food and if you let them get out of control, they will make you sick in a million different ways. Check it out.

If you're interested in learning more, email me.

Trying to keep up

2009-08-10T15:38:00.003-06:00

It has been about a week so it's time for a post! I don't know why it's so hard to keep up. I see so many other writers who blog faithfully, but I get further and further behind!

Between five kids, writing and trying to clean the house (every once in a while), the farm out back, and most importantly, my hubby, I find that after working on my book, I just don't want to type anymore. How do you other writers do it?

Anyway, Jake left at 5:30 this morning for a week at scout camp. I never see that boy anymore. He spent all of last week in Montana fly fishing. He's having way too much fun! But don't worry. I'll have plenty of chores for him to do when he gets home!

Seth loves being the big man and I have to admit, the house is much quieter and peaceful. I mean that in the nicest way! lol But dang! Teenagers are hard!

So, it's Monday but I'd really like to take off and go to a movie. I need a fun break with friends. I haven't had a friend date in ages and I'm going through withdrawals. Isn't there someone out there who wants to go out and play?

So much for that. Have a great week!

My Dang Neck!

2009-08-03T10:57:00.003-06:00

Well, the news is that I had a fabulous weekend camping in my new trailer (it's new to me anyway) and with my sisters and their families. The sun shined the whole time and the stream was just right. No to wild, not too tame and safe for kids.

It was the last morning we were there that I rolled over and my neck seized up. Terrible! So I have spent my time since on drugs and heat. That part I did like! Now I wait for my Chiropractor to fit me in. It's actually good I had to wait because the spasming and swelling has gone down. It will be easier to adjust.

So today, I sit here, writing in my book and waiting for the phone to ring. I hope it does soon. It's a good excuse to be lazy! lol

Bike rides

2009-07-26T16:24:00.002-06:00

As some of you may know from facebook, I bought a bike. Nothing too special or out of this world but one of the nicer once from Wally World. I have a feeling I could really get into this biking thing. I need something since I can't run. I've finally accepted it after seven years of trying. My foot just wont let me.

So, I've been going on bike rides with Bry each evening which has been so fun and so beautiful. Last night's sunset was absolutely breathtaking to say the least. I can't even begin to find the words to describe the vibrant colors. All I could do was stand there staring until the sky turned black.

Back to the bike thing. Last night, we only went five miles but I plan on going further and further each time. We head out toward Bear River and get a little further each time. It's something that Bry and I and even the kids can do together to bring us closer. You see, Bry and I have almost nothing in commong. Our interests lie in vastly different directions. I took him running with me once but that didn't work--he ran too fast for me.

Biking is something we both like and can both do at the same speed. He has a Cannondale he bought from my brother in law many moons ago so he rides that and I ride my new, silver Schwinn. I'm stylin!

The moral of the story is this... never give up. There is always something new to discover and fall in love with. You are never to old to keep dating your spouse and finding new things to do together. Each bike ride really does bring us closer and who doesn't need that?

No TV

2009-07-19T17:45:00.002-06:00

I took a nap this afternoon so I'd feel refreshed and energized. Instead, I feel more tired than when I laid down. That is not how it's supposed to work. So the nap didn't do it's job and the only thing I have to show for my rest time is a horrible hair do that I can't fix. Ugg.

I'm trying something new today. I decided to have Sunday be a no TV day. Some people already do this. Not me. I love TV. I love a good movie where I can kick my shoes off and relax. Well, it hasn't been as tough as you might think and the kids are recovering from the shock as well.

They actually got puzzles out and did other things for a change. You always hear people praising the benefits of no TV and now, I am a witness to its success. We'll see how long it lasts, but so far, so good.

My Day

2009-07-14T08:27:00.003-06:00

I love mornings like this. I love to wake up energetic and happy. I love mornings when everyone is still asleep, it's a bit cool and the house is so quiet.

I tip toe in my squeaky tennis shoes down the stairs to get on the treadmill, excited to feel my muscles burn again. Amazingly enough, only Seth wakes up to the whoosh, whoosh of my feet on the rubber. I could go outside, but I want to read at the same time. You know, kill two birds with one stone.

I look forward to my day, to seeing my sisters and having lunch with them. We're are going out for sushi for my b-day and my mouth waters in anticipation. Only Karen won't be there. I'm sad about that. I love my sisters. They are truly amazing.

We will then go see "My Sister's Keeper." I didn't really want to see a tear jerker on my birthday, but what better to see with my sisters?

That is my plan. I feel happy, beautiful and ready to face the first day of my thirty ninth year. I refuse to feel old, so I give thanks for this extra day on earth.

I know Bry has planned a little party with the kids tonight. The whole day will be a good one for me. I just feel it, and you know, I am a bit psychic. =)

Serenity

2009-07-12T19:39:00.003-06:00

I suppose it's about time for a new post! With facebook, it seems the time between posts gets longer and longer.

I sat outside in a lawn chair tonight watching Bry with the tractor. Wyatt loves to ride with him while he spreads the horse manure. It's so cute. We have a ritual now. We go out every night, feed the horses, clean their stalls, brush them down, then sit and watch the sun set. It's my favorite time of the day. I can't describe the peaceful feeling I have while watching them munch their alphalpha. Ah, happiness.

I taught Jake's Sunday school class today as a sub. I have to say, it was a blast. I've always loved teaching teenagers. I love that they are old enough to really think. One of the boy's moms came up to me after and told me that he'd said it was the funnest Sunday school class he'd ever been to and that if I taught every week, he'd come every week! (they are a slightly inactive family) It made my day. It feels so good to be able to make a different and teens are at an extremely influential place. To help them through that is so satisfying to me. I wish I could teach every week. I did tell the teachers to ask me to sub anytime they needed one.

So, that is my day. It was one of the nicest Sunday's I've had in a long time.

The fourth

2009-07-07T10:08:00.003-06:00

I've been meaning to place a new post here but have honestly been too tired! lol

The fourth was so much fun. Half of my family ended up inviting themselves to my house. At first, I rebelled. I had been looking forward to a quiet little holiday, but my nephew came into town who has been serving in Afghanistan and I couldn't turn them away. I love him and his little family too much. And it was the 4th of July after all.

He's in the Army Special Forces on the helicopters. He hangs on the outside, onto a gun and drops and picks up the rangers and Seals from their missions. It's super dangerous and just a couple of months ago, their chopper was shot down. No was died, luckily, but it was scary. He has some harrowing stories that would give you goose bumps. He's being transferred though because he has kids and wants to live to see them grow up. They'll be stationed at Fort Lewis, in Wash. They were great fun. He's just a big kid himself!

Jared's sister, Jennifer and mom (my sister) came up and we bar-b-qued and went to the Brigham fireworks. It was so much fun! I just love family. Most of the time! lol

All in all, it was a perfect day!

Wyatt!

2009-06-27T16:05:00.003-06:00

Wyatt turned two this week! He is my little angel, my sweet heart. I'm absolutely in love with this precious boy. Here's to you Wyatt!

See the one where he emptied Bryan's wallet? He was so cute, we couldn't even get mad!

Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T13:06:00.004-06:00

I was in the car driving home from my sister's house yesterday when I heard the news on the radio. I couldn't believe it. Michael Jackson was dead. I was dumbstruck.

Naturally, all the crazy, weird things he's done in the last decade came to mind but I would like to bypass that for a moment and jump back to 1982. I was twelve years old. I'd gotten to school early as usual because if I wanted a ride I had to leave when my dad did. So, there I was, sitting on the top steps in the hall of Millcreek Jr. High in front of the girls locker room, eating Nibs and listening to "Thriller" on the radio. It was the first time I'd ever heard it all the way through. My parents didn't listen to those stations at home, so I'd never heard it before.

I loved it! I began to crave everything Michael Jackson, included the poster of him in the luscious yellow suit which I cannot now find! He brought so much to music, was such a great entertainer, was so cute before his surgeries. I am saddened at his mental decline. It's too bad we all can't be more content with who we are and how we look. Who knows, if I had the money, I might get a nose job too.

Anyway, I'm sad he's gone. At least he gets to be in a pretty awesome place with people who love him. Good bye, Michael and God speed.

Swimming upstream

2009-06-24T13:48:00.002-06:00

I know, I know. I have been neglecting this blog. I am just so busy I don't take the time as much as I used to.

So, the kids have started swimming lessons this week which gives me the chance to sit up in the steamy balcony of the Brigham Natatorium, reading a good book and/or watching my kids. Very enjoyable for the most part.

I miss swimming. I used to swim laps every morning, but didn't continue for one reason or another. I watch Jake doing laps; those difficult strokes that you only see in the Olympics, and feel jealous. Oh, to be young again. I yearn for that twenty year old body. I wish I could go back with the brain I have now. Would I choose differently?

Hmm. So, here I sit, on a hot afternoon in Utah, the kids are playing outside and I am blogging, facebooking, and writing. What a perfect day.

Update

2009-06-11T22:39:00.003-06:00

I know it has been a while since I've written here. I've just been letting things go a little. I do keep up on Facebook which is easily addictive!

Jake and Seth started tumbling today and both feel a little self conscious. I guess they thought they'd be in a class of all beginners. No such luck! They'll just have to practice at home more! Neither can do cart wheels. I tried to teach them today without much luck.

Gabe, on the other hand is a natural at gymnastics. In fact, I have a feeling that he could go all the way to the Olympics some day. He's built like a tank and really loves his class.

I've been writing and fixing and changing and writing some more. I've changed one of my stories from 3rd person to 1st. I was stuck and now I like it better but I'd already written about 100 pages! Yikes, but that's okay. It will be better this way.

I'm planning on going to the LUW conference in September. I hope to see you all there. If anyone is looking for a roommate, let me know! I'd love to share a room. Cut costs, ya know?

So, I hope you're all doing well and we'll talk later!

Summer vacation

2009-06-04T10:30:00.004-06:00

Well, it's the first day of summer vacation and we are starting it off right! I have all the kids helping me to clean the house! I'm going to do it different this summer. First thing, everyone cleans every room together every morning. It' shouldn't take too long if everyone helps. That way, it gets done fast. Tomorrow we'll tackle the basement.

Then we'll have a rest time. Wyatt will sleep and the other kids can read or do school work etc... That way, they'll stay caught up and have a time to relax. This is also good for me. lol

I have the boys signed up for tumbling this summer and Heidi is doing dance which she loves. They all will start swimming lessons on the 22nd.

We don't have any big trips planned which is why I wanted something for them to look forward to each week. They are super excited.

For me, I have decided to do things a bit differently too. Normally, I love to soak in a hot bath in the morning to relax tight muscles. No more. I think it makes me too lethargic and while I'm already battling fatigue, I'll only take baths at night. Also, someone told me to drink milk at night and that helps you sleep. Hot or cold, it doens't matter. I tried it last night and I didn't sleep too bad. That is until Seth came upstairs at 2 in the morning to use the bathroom and knocked a glass onto the floor. I was awake for about an hour, but was able to go back to sleep, kind of. Not bad though for not taking any sleep aid.

I'm going to try to work out at least three times a week as soon as my broken toe feels better. I think if I get my endurance up, I'll handle it all better. I'd thought about getting an antidepressant because this chronic fatigue is really bringing me down, but I sat down this morning to research in depth about it all and have decided against it. In severe cases, medication helps a lot, but they have found that in mild cases, it didn't, no matter what kind you used. Having someone to talk to usually did the trick for mild to moderate cases of depression. So, I will take really good vitamins, work out as much as I can, relax as much as I can and go from there. The side affects are just too much. I already can't sleep, I don't want it to be worse. I don't want headaches and in the past, I always got terrible migraines on antidepressants, the possible sexual side affects aren't too alluring either.

I hope it's a good plan. I think it is, so I'll you know how it all works out. I'm getting my hair done tomorrow so I'm sure everything will look rosier just because of that!

Published

2009-06-03T11:30:00.002-06:00

It's official! I'm a paid, published author! Check out my article here!

I'd like to thank the acadamy and to all my friends and family . . . thank you! And I love you so much!

Poor me/ Yea me!

2009-06-01T15:35:00.004-06:00

So, for the first time, I've been really depressed about this chronic fatigue stuff. I even cried today. I couldn't help it. I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. Before there was a verdict, I had hope that it was just hormones or something, that it would go away. Now, I'm beginning to wonder.

There have been a lot of days where I have to force myself to even write in my books etc . . . Frequently, I get out of the bathtub and just lay on my bed for a while because I'm too tired to get dressed. Today, I decided to force myself to work out, knowing I'd feel like crap the rest of the day, but knowing it would be good for my body. But then I remembered my broken toe, which still hurts quite a bit, so I didn't.

Bry came home at lunch and felt bad with me. He feels the same way about his situation with the asthma. He still hasn't completely recovered and feels like crap most of the time. We are a couple of basket cases.

Anyway, enough of feeling sorry for myself. On the flip side of the coin. Neighborhood News is publishing an article of mine on Wednesday! I will be a paid, published author. OFFICIALLY! Ya hoo! It's only fifty bucks, but hey, beggers can't be choosy!

So, life isn't all bad. I have a great little family, friends who care and my Dad has been so sweet as I've shared my woes with him. He is one of my greatest supports. Then there is Bryan who doesn't feel good himself, but always builds me up. He doesn't complain and we just lay together on our bed trying to put our legs on top of each other. Two invalids trying to wrestle. We laugh a lot and that is what gets us through. Man, I love him!

That explains it!

2009-05-27T08:13:00.004-06:00

Well, the verdict is in. We think I have CFS or better known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It would sure explain A LOT! Now there is no real diagnosis for CFS. Its diagnosis comes from ruling out everything else by blood and urine tests. When they find there is nothing wrong with you, and they can't explain the symptoms, your left with CFS.

It' s kind of nice having a name for what I've been feeling for the last 2 or 3 years so I don't have to say, "I'm just tired." or "I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I have dementia at 38." Hello. It also explains the complete exhaustion I feel on a daily basis, the insomnia, weight gain, the irregular joint and muscle pain.

"CFS often follows a cyclical course, alternating between periods of illness and relative well-being. Some patients experience partial or complete remission of symptoms during the course of the illness, but symptoms often reoccur. This pattern of remission and relapse makes CFS especially hard for patients to manage. Patients who are in remission may be tempted to overdo activities when they're feeling better, which can actually cause a relapse."

So, this is the story of the last few years for me. Oh well, we all have our problems. My case isn't too severe I don't think. Anyway, I get through it with the help of my beautiful, little family.

Be careful what you take

2009-05-22T10:17:00.003-06:00

What a crazy life I've had the past three weeks. I started taking Ambien on a regular basis. I've really struggled with insomnia for a while and thought this would be a solution.

Well, I have had a strong feeling the last couple of days that I should stop taking it, butvery time I try, I have terrible anxiety during the middle of the night and feel yucky the next day. I got on the computer to research the effects and to find out how long it stays in your system and found that many people have had similar experiences. Those being, anxiety, sleep eating, sleep driving, sleep sex, grogginess, headaches etc...

So, I did not take it last night, determined to get off it. I did not sleep well, had weird dreams, had to leave the hall light on--which I've NEVER done before--and today, I feel terrible. Drugged. Really drugged. I'm not going anywhere or doing anything. Just gonna sit here and veg. until it is out of my system.

Hopefully, I'll be back to myself soon. Ugg.

A good meal

2009-05-20T09:46:00.002-06:00

Both of my oldest kids have a day to make dinner. I want them to be smart, able, and independent. Yesterday was Seth, my nine year old's turn. Since I am doing the South Beach Diet again, I have to eat a certain way. Normally, the boys like to make hot dogs or mac and cheese. Yuck.

So, I defrosted the chicken breasts, got out the package of powdered marinade and supervised as Seth and his friend Adam, who was over, read the directions for the marinade and baked the chicken. They were amazed how many times they had to wash their hands when dealing with chicken, but they did great. While the chicken baked, I told Seth he had to make a salad. With a happy heart and gusto, he went to work washing and tearing the red leaf lettuce, cutting up cucumber, pepper, tomatoes and green onions. He did it alone and it was fabulous!

All through dinner, the kids raved about the chicken, and dang! It was good! Seth was on cloud nine. I was so glad I'd had him cook this way. I want him to be confident enough to know that he can make good food, not just fast food. It was a huge self esteem boost for him. I should have had him steam some veggies too, but I was being lazy. Anyway, it was fabulous. What great kids I have!

Hawaii, here I come!

2009-05-19T08:31:00.003-06:00

I was feeling hopeless about the prospect of ever losing weight yesterday. It is so much harder than most people realize. Especially for people who've never really had to. I was not raised to be athletic or to have habits of exercise. For the last twenty years, it's been on again, off again with trying to get in shape.

So, yesterday, I made a deal with my husband. If I got down to 150 lbs, then I wanted him to take me to Hawaii. (He has no desire to go there, by the way) He gazed at me, his lips pursed and said, "145."

Deal! I know He said 145 because he knew it would be that much harder, and since it's better to have someone to account to, I will tell you that I weighed myself this morning to start of the process. I'm at 167.8. Ugg. I will use the South Beach Diet as it's the only one that ever works for me. It's just hard to stick to. I had restricting myself. HATE IT!!!

And just to let you know, I was 125 when I got married. I'm 5'8," so 145 isn't inconceivable. I can do it. I know I can.

So, I'm on my way. My guess it that I can do it in about a year, so next year at this time, I will be on my way! I will update you all weekly to my progress. Wish me luck!

Have you seen 'em?

2009-05-12T14:11:00.004-06:00

They're here! Those evil, little blood sucking demons from you know where! Yes, the dreaded "no-see-um."

Little gnats that pester and bite, but are invisible to the naked eye! I have seventeen bites just on my neck and chest! That is from one day outside! Yes, folks! ONE DAY!

The nasty bugs come every May and stay for two to four weeks depending on the weather. The first year we lived here, I thought my son had chicken pox! He came in the house covered with red welts all over his body! They itch like the devil and are always there, waiting . . . watching.

I pray for relief!

A good son

2009-05-02T09:29:00.003-06:00

I've had a really hard time wanting to work out lately. There's just no motivation there for some reason. My nine year old and I made a pact though. We decided a few weeks ago that we would go running every Saturday morning together.

We couldn't go last week due to the conference, but this morning, he hopped in bed with me at 6:30 fully dressed and ready to go. Now, let me just say, I was NOT in the mood to go for a run o this overcast, slightly rainy morning, but I had promised!

So I pulled myself out of bed, threw on my running clothes and out the door we went. I had not slept well and was surprised at how well we did. We only went two miles and walked part of the time, but I have to say, Seth pushes me to do better. I would not have gone if he hadn't gotten me up. In fact, I'd hoped he'd forget! But he loves this time alone for us. I do too . . . once I'm up, that is.

Thanks Seth. I sure love you, bud!

hi there everyone

2009-04-29T19:22:00.002-06:00

Hi guys! I just wanted to remind you that you really can come over to my other blog and read what I post. That stuff is just brimming with fun! You'll love it! I promise!

I'm not quitting this blog but I wanted a blog page that was easier for people to find. The address, melissasmysteriesandmusings.blogspot.com seemed a little complicated and if I'm going to be famous, I need to be accessible! =)

Anyway, I sure miss you guys!

I'm back, and revving to go!

2009-04-26T14:07:00.002-06:00

Hi everyone! I don't have time to really sit down and write but I wanted to tell you that I started a new writing blog.

It will fill you in on all my new adventures in writing! I am very excited about it so take a minute to come by and say hi!

http://melissajcunningham.blogspot.com/

Thanks guys!

A new career

2009-04-21T14:22:00.002-06:00

Well, this is it! The LDS Storymaker's conference is this weekend! I am so excited I can't stand it! I am hoping to find and agent and sell two of my books! Pray for me and wish me luck!

It feels so good to finally find my niche. After thirty seven years, I've waited a long time. I'd never found what I was good at before. Through life and the experiences that I've had, I now have that. I've finally found a career I can love, halfway through life! I wanted something where I could be home with my kids. There aren't many careers that allow that. Anyway, I've found my passion and will stop at nothing to find success!

It feels so good!

Cookie

2009-04-16T11:35:00.005-06:00

I thought I'd post an update on Cookie. She is doing fine and of course, will recover. She'll never be the same, but she'll adjust. We go back to the vet in a week to ten days to have the outer stitches removed. She has to wear this helmet thing so she doesn't scratch. She hates it.

I sure love this little dog. She is so sweet and never hurts anyone. Bry doesn't really know what happened. It may have not had anything to do with the cat food after all. We'll never know because Bry went into the garage, and that's when he heart the attack.

It breaks my heart to get rid of Jenny, but every time I look at cookie, I just can't let it go. More than likely, Jenny won't hurt anyone, but do I take that chance?

I've been in contact with the Golden Retriever Rescue people and they will find her a good home. It makes me feel super guilty. We've had Jenny for four years. This is the home she knows. She loves it here. Bry doesn't want to get rid of her and doesn't think she would ever hurt a person. But like I said, every time I look at Cookie, I am so angry that I don't want to just let it go like it never happened. I don't know. What do you all think?

A sad story

2009-04-13T14:20:00.005-06:00

Once upon a time, a very tired mommy was awakened early in the morning by her handsome husband. He had come running into their bedroom, carrying their Shi Tzus, screaming for help.

It seems their four year old golden retriever had bitten Cookie, the Shi Tzus so forcefully, that her eye popped out. From what they knew, Cookie had gotten too close to Jenny's food bowl.

The devastated couple drove like maniacs to the vet. The eye could not be saved as it had come out too far and the optical nerve had been severed.

The eye was removed and sewn up. The mommy and Daddy are heartsick and now will get rid of their dog, Jenny. They just can't trust her. What if it had been their baby, Wyatt or one of the other kids? What if, what if, what if? Would Jenny do this again? Possibly. It is a chance they are not willing to take.

This family is so sad today. Cookie should be fine but will never be the same. What a hard life lesson.

Good grief

2009-04-11T10:47:00.004-06:00

I just want to say, thank you to my friends. Thank heavens for good friends. I have always loved the saying, "Friends are God's way of apologizing for family."

This really fits me. I am truly grateful for friends who love me in spite of me. Who love me without judgment and who hold their tongues if I do something they don't like, because really, that's just being nice.

We all have faults or weakness or things we do that others don't like. We can pick each other apart so fast that our heads spin. Does this mean we should? Just because we come in families, does this give us the right to have diarrhea of the mouth when someone does something we don't like?

This is one thing I will say for myself. I may have a lot of noticeable faults, but it is because I don't hide who I am. What you see is what you get. I don't act one way in the privacy of my home, and then put a different foot forward in public. People can either like me for me or they do not need to associate with me. It should be that way for everyone.

I like who I am. I don't feel a need to change who I am and truth be told, I don't know that I want to. Anyway, that's all I have to say about that.

facebook

2009-04-06T11:13:00.002-06:00

Oh, I just hate it when the weekend is over. I especially love the feeling of conference weekend. The fam just seems more happy, more relaxed. Plus, the sun finally came out to play. That alone improves my mood.

I have a bone to pick. It is with facebook. I myself use facebook and I enjoying it. In fact, I love it. I love finding old friends and distant family. Reconnecting with people I thought I'd never see again. What I don't love is no longer seeing my friends post on their blogs! I miss them. Ya ya, I could check out facebook more often but there is something deeper, more personal about people's posts on their blog. We get to see a bit more than the short paragraphs on facebook.

So this is my plea. Please don't give up on blogging. Love to all! Have a great week!

Whoo! (wiping forehead)

2009-04-03T09:13:00.003-06:00

What a week it has been. Last night I sent my ten pages and synopsis to Lisa Mangum. Can I just say: I haven't felt such stress since finals week in college!

This is my chance so please pray for me! It's not often you get a one on one, face to face interview to pitch your new book. Usually you send your query letter but the acquisition editors never see you and have no idea who you are. I can't tell you how excited I am for this experience.

Every day I am writing madly, trying to get all three books I want to take in perfect order. What a man I have who picks up the slack. Well, most of the time =).

Well, just wanted to say hi. Need to get back to work! Love to you all!

My sweet niece!

2009-03-31T19:58:00.003-06:00

I just got the sweetest phone call from my niece. They had "Favorite Author" day at school and they had to write about their favorite author.

She picked me! And not only that, she read my entire manuscript that I'd given her. (the first book I wrote)

She is only eleven years old yet she had great edits and ideas for me! I LOVE THIS GIRL! Thank you Hannah!~ I think you are absolutely wonderful!!

Also, I finished my book, The Ring of Power, today! I really pushed to get it done and I even cried as I wrote the end! It was so good! lol I hope Shadow Mountain thinks so too!

Small miracles

2009-03-29T16:11:00.004-06:00

For those of you wondering, I just didn't like that last background. I need changed but the change has to be just right or I find myself going bonkers.

I had a miracle happen today that I want to share. I am pushing to finish a book. I just have a feeling I should get it done before the conference. I was given the advice not to rush this story but I have really pondered about it. I really feel I should finish it. I hope I'm right.

I have averaged thirty pages a day for the last three days. This morning, before I started typing, I had the feeling to save my story to my portable hard drive. Of course, I ignored the feeling as I was in a hurry to get started. I began typing, excited to see how my little adventure would continue.

After two hours of typing, my power went out due to a winter storm. I could have died! I even had a battery powered backup thing so my computer wouldn't turn off if something like this happened. It didn't matter, the computer shut down. I prayed I hadn't lost anything.

When I turned the computer back on, then clicked on the icon for my book, it popped up back to where I was before I started typing today. I nearly sobbed in grief! For those of you writers, you know this pain. I did start to cry and prayed hard for a miracle, hoping my book would re-appear before my eyes. I just couldn't believe it.

Then I happened to check my task bar thing at the bottom. It had two titles on it saying, "The ring of Power." I wondered what the crap that was. At the time my computer crashed, I had an internet page up, itunes and my book. All three showed on the task bar, of course.

I clicked on the first "Ring of power" button and up popped my complete manuscript. EVERYTHING I had just written in the last few hours. I couldn't believe it! I prayed my gratitude. What are the odds of turning on my computer and having my book on the task bar when the internet and itunes had closed? Why hadn't my book closed? I closed the second "ring of power" button and saved my story to my hard drive, all the while giving thanks for this miracle. And it was a miracle.

There is no way I could have re-written what I had already done as well as I had before, and let me tell you. It's pretty dang good! I think I AM supposed to finish this story. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I will not forget this! (But I will always save my story when I get that feeling from now on!)

Oh, the horror!

2009-03-25T08:15:00.003-06:00

Let me share my latest drama with you all. Now, some of you may know that I live in hicksville surrounded by lush, green fields of corn and alphalpha. I love it. I watch the sun set while my four horses graze lazily in the back field.

I also have three fat cats who are obviously not doing their job. I do not like cats. I think they are filthy, devious and sneaky. They have one purpose and one purpose only. That is to catch and kill mice before they make it into my house.

They are about to be fired! We have had an infestation of mice lately and I am about out of my mind. A few nights ago, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a tickling in my hair. I ignored it because, you know, sometimes you get little tickles in strange places and it means nothing. Well, I felt another tickle further to the left--in my hair--again. I brushed my hand back, still half asleep mind you, and felt something flip away.

I sat up screaming and I am sure I said a very bad word! My husband jumped up screaming, "it's a mouse!" Ya, you got that right, very bad word...completely justified!

So, my knight in shining armor lays about ten traps around our room everynight. Our kids complain that they can hear mice in the walls. We catch a few here and there but never in our room.

So, this morning, I'm in the bathroom getting ready, Bry is leaning against the counter visiting with me when all of a sudden, a streak of brown races into the bathroom. I scream again! So does Bry, who jumps up on the counter so that his feet are safe! The little mouse runs under the closet door in the bathroom. I grab a trap, shove it in the closet, slam the door and shove a towel over the crack! There is no way that little devil is getting out alive.

About fifteen minutes later, I'm sitting on my throne, (ya, I know. TMI) when the little brown streak races under MY feet and into a hole in the carpet by my tub. Bry came racing in. He said he could hear me screaming outside!

I put another trap under the tub, but I get the feeling that this little mouse knows what it is. Now, don't get me wrong. It's not like there are hundreds of mice filling up my house, but the few that want to live here are grossing me out! I'm getting new cats!

Small miracles

2009-03-24T15:31:00.002-06:00

Okay, time for a new post. Let me just say, I feel good today. I woke up dog tired and feeling very unmotivated. I have been doing my South Beach Diet and it has been slow going but at least it is going.

I weighed myself this morning out of curiosity. I have lost another pound! Lucky for me because I had told myself that I wasn't going to work out if I hadn't as it wasn't worth it anyway! Talk about ornery. Well, I had to work out since I'd lost a pound. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

So I'm still going at it. The thing is, I haven't weighed this amount (which I will not divulge) for three years. It feels good. It feels possible. It empowers me. Even though it's hardly noticeable to others, I notice.

I am so glad that this morning, when I was feeling down, that God gave me a little gift. =)

Silver and gold

2009-03-22T13:34:00.003-06:00

Old friends, who we thought we'd probably never see again, with the help of technology, suddenly re-appear. I love it!

One such friend called me yesterday--out of the blue. I can't even remember how she said she found me, but it was a wonderful phone call. She is also going to the conference in April so we will get to reconnect that way.

She works for yourldsneighborhood.com newsletter. She offered me the chance to write articles for the newsletter. How could I pass up such an opportunity! Woo Hoo! I'm on my way. Hopefully, they'll think I write well enough to want to print something.

Anyway, it was great fun talking to her. I hope we recognize eachother! I'll tell you, I was at a writing class at the library not long ago and a new guy was there. He looked about my age, seemed very intelligent, and he loves to write. He introduced himself and I had to blink twice. There was no way he was my friend from high school! He didn't even look the same! He hadn't changed drastically, he's just twenty years older. He didn't know me either! Now I know I haven't changed that much!

So, it just goes to show, never judge an old lady by her wrinkles! Every stretch mark, every "smile line" had been earned, and even if old friends don't recognize us right off, the love they have for in their hearts still burns brightly!

Here's to old friends!

Thank you!

2009-03-19T18:45:00.003-06:00

I just want to thank everyone who passed by and read my latest post! It has reminded me of something and that is...everyone loves to get comments on their post.

Everyone.

Also, a little reminder any new bloggers. It is good blogging manners to visit someone's site who has visited and commented on yours.

All my friends do this so don't think I am getting after anyone. It's just a friendly reminder to all. There are a few blogs I have found that I enjoy, that I have commented on a number of times, who never return the favor. Not that it matters tons, but it makes me (and probably others) not want to keep commenting.

Lisa taught me this. When I first started blogging, I wanted everyone to visit and comment, but I wasn't returning the favor. I had lots to do and was busy as we all are, but she very gently taught me that if I wanted patrons and friends, I needed to be friendly! =) It was a good lesson. Thanks Lis.

So...THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING! I genuinely love your comments and love to visit your sites as well. Have a great day!

Where is everyone?

2009-03-19T10:44:00.002-06:00

Has blogging slowed down or is it just me? It seems that people are going through a slump online. At least in my opinion. Maybe it's spring fever or maybe everyone out there is going through what we, at my house are...the ten millionth cold of the year.

I have felt terrible for a week. Jake stayed home from school today and the others should probably have too. How sick is too sick to go to school? The other two didn't want to stay home. Guess I'm no fun.

So, I sit here feeling like crap, checking all my favorite blogs on a daily basis, but finding no change! Where is everyone and why is no one commenting on mine? Is it that boring? he he

I sat wondering about that yesterday. What is it that those blogs have that get hundreds of hits and/or comments daily? Why are they so popular? I have decided that it is because 1. The person is extremely popular and people want to be associated with them. (not necessarily a bad thing), 2. The blog pokes fun at things. or 3. the blog is extremely acidic or mean and everyone wants to see what all the halabaloo is all about.

I may be wrong, because, I am in an altered state with cold medicine, or maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself because I'm a wannabe icon. What ever the reason is, I better get a hundred comments today!

A new book

2009-03-16T18:28:00.004-06:00

I want to tell you about something that has really filled my heart! My son Jake, who I make/have read my stories I write for youth, is not normally a reader. It has taken a lot of effort to get him into books that he really likes. He's read the Eragon series, A door in the woods, and a couple others that he has really loved, but most of the time, it takes effort for him to find something he can really get in to. He's never been an avid reader. I have to pay/force him to read half the time!

Well, I have started a new story that I call "The Ring of Power." It has been super fun so far. I only have six chapters so far, but every day since I've started it, Jake continually comes into my room asking if I've written anymore. His next comment is that I need to hurry and write the rest. Every time he enters my room, he goes to the computer to check for any new paragraphs. The first thing he does after getting off the bus is go straight to the computer to check for any new chapters. He doesn't even get a snack first. (that's huge, by the way)

He LOVES my story! You have no idea how happy this makes me. This tells me that other kids out there will love my story! I pray that the gods will be merciful and allow me to get my books published. Woo hoo for great kids! This has been a huge boost to my fragile self esteem! =)

A fresh start

2009-03-14T09:19:00.002-06:00

Good morning blog readers! As much as it pained me to do so, I rewrote what I'd lost in my new story, then had my son read it. He caught a bunch of details I'd left out. Good ole Jake. I wish I could say that my husband proof read everything I wrote, but he's not around enough. I hate to ask him to take the time when I really feel he should spend his extra time with the kids and me.

So...Jake read the stories and corrects them and has gotten fairly good at it. He's only thirteen, but I am training him young. He now likes to write stories of his own. So do Seth and Heidi. I'm raising a bunch of future writers. Keep it in the family, I always say!

I do believe this new story is more on the fresh side. I wanted to think of something that no one else was writing about and I think I have. I'm not sure of course as I haven't read every kids/fantasy book out there, but my gut feeling tells me this is different. I hope so. I am so excited about it that all I want to do is write! =)

I have put aside my story, "The Adoption, as it is a bit heavier and dark. I need something fun and light after finishing The Guitar, which was also adult suspense. I like to go back and forth between adult and youth. It keeps me fresh and excited and I do well at both. I can't decide which I like better. Once I finish one, I seem ready to tilt in the other direction. Anyway, I am calling this new story The Ring of Power. Look for it in bookstores near you!

2009-03-13T09:08:00.002-06:00

I'm absolutely heart sick. I can not believe it! I just found half of my new story I stared gone! Last night I came in to see my baby sitting at my computer. Everything looked okay (I thought) with my story at a glance, so I saved it and got the baby out of there. This was last night.

I got up this morning and found the last half of my story missing and since I saved it, it's just gone. I thought I could do a system restore but it won't give me back what I need. It's just gone. It wasn't really that much but you know how it is when it's fresh and flowing magically from you fingers. Can I re-create that? I hope so. We'll see. For now, I just want to be devastated.

Lost

2009-03-11T09:30:00.003-06:00

I have a very sad story to tell. My cousin, actually, my mother's first cousin,Sondra, and her husband have become very close friends or ours. She and her husband had the dream of having a sheep ranch. They moved to South Dakota, bought a farm and started their dream.

Those animals...the sheep, the goats, the guard llama, were her babies. She even had names for them all and new them all and they new her. They'd follow her around. It was her farm that made me understand how Christ could know all his sheep. Anyway, On Feb. 26, in the middle of the night, a storm raged. They put all their animals in the barn and turned on the heater. It's lambing season for them and they had a bunch of new babies they wanted to keep warm.

Somehow, somewhere, there was an electrical short that started a fire. Their barn burned to the ground with all their animals inside it. I can't imagine the terror those poor things must have gone through, but It was discovered too late. Almost three hundred animals burned to death.

Sondra can't even talk about it. They are devastated. I bawled all day yesterday after I found out. I can't imagine what they are feeling. Thank heavens for a loving community. Their friends and neighbors have rallied around them, many sending money, holding auctions and bringing food.

Both Glen and Sondra have had to start working full time as their income is now gone. (and they are well into their 60's) Sondra was also a beautiful knitter. She kept Angora rabbits in the barn, would sheer the rabbits, llama and sheep herself, wash and card the wool, and spin it into yarn. She was wonderfully talented.

This is the farm where my son Jake would go each summer for a month. He knew these animals and is also very sad.

I wonder, why do these things happen? Why didn't a miracle happen for them? Last year, there was a terrible flood in their area and they lost over 100 sheep. When the water went down, they found their animals hanging from trees and fences. It had been over 50 years since of flood of this kind. Why? Why do these things happen? Why do they happen to good people? The only thing I can think of is that something else is coming for them. Something where they need to be free of farm maybe. Or...I don't know. I am just heartsick and trying to figure it out. Maybe there is no answer. Maybe it was what it was...a terrible accident.

A book is born!

2009-03-10T09:50:00.003-06:00

To see Annette Lyons contest giveaway's, click here!

Okay...I tried to post the trailer and it wont work! I am the techno-idiot I guess! I don't know what I'm doing wrong! Does it count anyway since I've been trying to figure it out all morning?

If at first you don't succeed, use the tried and true.

2009-03-10T08:42:00.003-06:00

Like I said, do what works. As some of you may know, I have been trying for a long time to lose weight. Yes, to those of you who would say, "You look fine," yes, I look fine, but I am over weight just a bit.

I know this because we just changed life insurance companies and our cute little agent asked my husband how tall he is and how much he weighs. Then it's my turn. I tell him my height, and then I say, "If you think I'm gonna tell you how much I weigh, you're insane."

He laughed of course. I did give him a weight I was comfortable with, but it was twenty two pounds lighter than I really am. (ya, I am aware that I lied, but please...who wouldn't?) He told me that he guessed I was close to that. (What ditzes men are! lol) He knew I wasn't giving him an accurate number, but if I was between 135 and another number (which I was over, but he didn't know that) that I was fine and healthy. That means...I'm overweight. What a blow to my self esteem. (which I already knew)

It was then and there that I decided to use the only diet that has ever worked for me. The South Beach Diet. A long time ago, I had not wanted to try this one. I didn't like the name. It sounded like some biki babe, bleach blond diet from plastic surgeryville. But then, I saw the book on a book shelf, pulled it off and began reading. I was amazed. It was a heart doctor who came up with it. It's called the South Beach Diet because that's where he lives. In South Beach, Florida.

Long story short...it's the only one that works on my body. For the last two years I have been trying to lose weight with the theory that if I burn more than I eat, I'll lose. You know what? That doesn't work for me. I know...I've tried for a VERY long time.

Now, I didn't want to do the SBD because I hate limiting which foods I can eat, but hey, use what works. So, for the first two weeks, at least, I eat no dairy, no bread, no starches and no fruits. That's the hard one. I could live on fruit alone. It really hasn't been as bad as I first thought it would be. It starts this way to kill the Candida that all people have. Candida is what makes us addicted to sugar. I LOVE SUGAR!!! (maybe I'm addicted!)

So, I've been doing it for five days. I weighed myself for the first time in five days and guess what...I've lost five pounds. Do you know how long I have been trying to lose just five pounds? Anyway, after two weeks to a month, you start adding foods back in, but that first month of just proteins and low starch veggies gets old. Oh well. It works for me and I feel great on it. I can't tell you how much "cleaner" my body feels just not eating dairy and bread. Who knew?

Side note: remember to drink lots of water and to take your vitamins and Stemenhance every day! =)

Walkin' in a winter wonderland

2009-03-09T08:31:00.004-06:00

I did not get what I ordered! Yesterday, the sun shone, spring was just barely opening it's tired eyes, and I was looking forward to sun, and flowers.

Today, I open my door to over six inches of snow covering my porch and it still continues it's cascade. Hello? Punksatony Phil! For pete's sake! So you didn't see your shadow. Big deal! It doesn't mean we need to start December all over again.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love the snow most of the time, but dang! I was just getting spring fever. Just getting ready to plant flowers and gardens and mow lawn.

Instead, I'll stay tucked inside my little haven, reading, writing and soaking in a hot bath...which is also nice!

Writer's Digest writing competittion

2009-03-05T11:37:00.003-07:00

I am taking an online writing course. I have to admit, I have really enjoyed it and have learned quite a bit from my instructor who was a professional editor for a lot of years. She is pretty blunt and very strict. I was told that if I ever went over the word count, she'd send my assignment back uncorrected. There are other instructors who aren't so strict, but I really like her, so I kept her. I like people who don't beat around the bush. Even if it hurts at first, I would still rather have someone get straight to the point.

Progressively, her comments on my assignments have gotten more and more positive, with fewer and fewer mistakes to correct. LOVE THAT! lol

So, this last time, she sent me a flyer about the Writer's Digest Writing competition! Woo hoo! I definitely want to enter it. The grand prize winner gets a trip to New York with one on one meetings with top publishers! There is no guarantee that they will represent the winner, but hello? Just getting noticed would be huge! So I will enter a few short stories and see what hapapens. I'll let you know!

For more info on this competition, click here!

Spring fever

2009-03-03T15:34:00.003-07:00

Do you ever feel blah? Have you ever checked your blog over and over to see if anyone has commented, but your post is so old that you know no one has? Yet, feel too blah to write anything new?

That is how I feel today. This doesn't mean I'm having a bad day. On the contrary, it's been a great day. I have cleaned house, went to a program for Heidi, started a new story, and played a little wow. Not to mention...washed and folded three batches of laundry!

I actually feel great when I get a lot done, but I still feel blah. I hate that.

I need some action. Maybe I'm stir crazy. I feel spring coming and I'm getting antsy. Oh, I forgot to mention that I reorganized both upstairs bathrooms. ALL TODAY! lol

So, maybe that's all it is. Spring fever! I love spring fever! Woo hoo! I didn't even realize that that was what I was feeling! Now I'm happy. No more blah. Thank heavens for blogging.

The sweet smell of success!

2009-02-27T12:07:00.004-07:00

Ah, that just finished smell of a newly printed manuscript. How good it feels to see your words printed on paper...proof of your hard work.

I have finished my story, The Guitar. I am now making a couple of copies to give to friends to proofread. I love this part. I love to find out what people think of my work. Is it as good as I think it is?

The first time I handed out a manuscript, I was a bundle of nerves. When I received it back, I was broken hearted to see so many corrections and red marks. I took a couple days to feel sorry for myself then went to work. It was my first story after all, and I was a complete amateur--never having written a dang thing before--and it did have quite a few errors! In fact, I have re-written that story four times! I think I finally have it down how I like it! That story, I call The Gatekeeper.

It is a youth/fantasy story and I'm paying my thirteen year old son read it and find any mistakes he can! He's not a huge reader so the twenty bucks is a huge incentive for him. So far, he says it's fabulous and since I am writing that story for that age group, I'm happy.

So, I now have two finished manuscripts. I hope to have them both ready for the conference in April. I am bound and determined to have them published! Wish me luck!!!

Hugh Jackman

2009-02-23T08:04:00.005-07:00

You know, there has always been something about Hugh Jackman that makes me melt. I've always loved his movies. I even dragged Lisa to see Van Helsing with me once,which she scowled through the entire time! I just love him...in anything!

I had NO idea he could sing. Now I'm really in love! If a man can sing, he has my heart! Hugh did the ocsars last night, for those of you who didn't watch, and he was in a few numbers that down right floored me! I had no idea he had such talent!

The whole show was very different from those in the past. They cut costs and tried to give everything an old time feel. I really liked it. They pulled it off well. I wish they would do it this way every year. All the performances were great, funny, and entertaining, but dang! That Hugh! He's my man!

Here's to the man!

2009-02-18T13:57:00.004-07:00

So, here it is. My fourteenth wedding anniversary. I can't believe how time has flown. I have so many wonderful memories to look back on so far. I can also remember those times when I swore if I saw Bryan's face that day, I'd kill him! lol I can count those times on one had but they're there.

It makes me wonder what Bry and I have done to make it last, and not only last, but to make it so good.

Like you may have read in an earlier post this week, he was not who I had in mind when I thought about a companion. Sometimes I feel we have nothing in common, but then there are those moments when I look into his eyes and can see the god in embryo.

I am so glad Bryan puts up with me. I am so glad he never gave up and moved to Montana like he'd planned. I am so grateful for the life we've made together.

What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty fine man! (know that one?)

This morning before he left, he gave me a beautiful card and a gift certificate for a massage. He also dug my car out of the snow and planted a big one--all before leaving for work. I couldn't ask for anyone more giving, more patient or more loving.

I love his sense of humor (yes, it does exist). You have to know where to look for it and it may be like pulling teeth to find it, but Bryan is fun--especially in his element...the outdoors and in bed. Oops! Is this supposed to be rated PG?

So, here's to my man! May the next fourteen be just as fabulous as the first fourteen!

A good book!

2009-02-17T10:41:00.002-07:00

I just finished Josi's book, Lemon Tart. It was such a good story. I know if a book is good by the fact that I take it to my room and continue reading. Normally, I read in the tub for about a half hour after I work out. It's the only time I really get to read.

But once in a while, if a book is good enough, it warrants a trip to my bedroom. Ooh la la.

I finished Lemon tart in bed. So, Congrats Josi.

I have now started "Her good name." It was finally on the book mobile. I have only read two chapters and I'm already hooked. In fact, I have a feeling this is going to be a bedroom book as I still can't stop wondering what is going to happen with the main character, and that guy she meets in the restaurant! Dang! I want something to happen there! I am very impressed so far!

So, got to go so I can fold a million batches of laundry. I need to do a couple chores so I don't feel guilty laying in bed reading. =)

Marriage meme

2009-02-15T19:57:00.011-07:00

I found this meme on Josi's blog. I loved it and had to do it too, and since my fourteenth anniversary is Wednesday, I thought it was fitting. Enjoy!

1. Where did you and your husband meet? We met at Bear Lake when I was 16 and he was 23. He was drinking a beer in the back of my brothers truck. He was wearing cut off Levi's, no shirt and was sitting in a lawn chair. I lectured him about drinking and he thought I was a brat. I didn't like him much either.

2. How long before you kissed?

I was 19, I kissed him and then wouldn't talk to him for a very long time. That was the story of our courtship. I would lead him on, then reject him for months at a time.

3. Who kissed who first? See #2

4. How long from the time you met until you were engaged? 9 years! Much of which was spent telling him we were just friends and to leave me alone! Sounds funny now, but he didn't think so at the time.

5. How did he propose?

He didn't really, we both just knew it was right. We went ring shopping and after we bought it, I did make him kneel in the cold, wet snow to ask officially. I was mean. But he was a sucker!

6. Did he pick out the ring or did you? I did! Months before we had even started dating...for the fourth time.

7. Do you still like the ring? yes, I love it! Of course! I picked it out!

8. Where was your wedding and reception? We were married in my sister's living room. Bry was baptized a month later. Tina's house was beautiful and had hardwood floors and floor length windows across one whole wall. The reception was there too. We didn't spend a lot of money as my mom had just died two weeks before. It was a hard time, but we felt her there through out it all.

9. How many bridesmaids did you have, and who was your maid of honor? My sisters were my bridesmaids, so I had four.

10. What color were your bridesmaid dresses? burgandy lace. Really pretty.

11. What was your bouquet made of? Red roses and white orchids

12. Who gave you away? My dad, and it was wonerful.

13. Did you cry during your wedding? Yes! I cried as soon as I took his arm and the music began. My wedding was the most beautiful I have ever been too. I even played my guitar and sang to bryan up there in my wedding dress. I sang, "For You," by John Denver.

14. What style was your dress? Gorgeous! Tight bodice, long sleeves, lace, full skirt. It was rented as I didn't want to buy one. It was exactly what I wanted and it was the first one I saw. It was like my mother was there helping all along. Everything fell into place with no effort.

15. Was your wedding kiss sweet or sexy? It was right in between. It was perfect.

16. Who caught your bouquet? This sounds terrible, but I can't remember! lol

17. What flavor was your cake? K, can't remember that one either. I think it was spice cake because I like that best and I bought it from Dick's market in Centerville. It was white with red roses on it. Real roses.

18. Did you smash the cake onto each other's faces or feed it to each other nicely? We smashed! How could we miss such an oppurtunity. Actually, Bry was nice, I smashed the cake into his mouth. He's always been the nice one! lol

19. What was "your song" that you danced to at your wedding? There was no dancing but our song has always been "She drives me crazy," by Fine Young Cannibals. It's kind of a joke, but kind of not. We still laugh about it, so it really has become our song. lol

20. What did you serve your guests to eat? Can't remember! But I know it was good. One of my dear friends mom made it all.

21. What did your friends do to decorate your car? Can't remember that one either! lol Bry, just told me that he hid our car, so they trashed our apartment. I was furious with my brother for a VERY long time. Sometimes my family goes above and beyond!

22. What was your favorite wedding gift? I don't remember that either! Man, I'm old! I did love the cutco knives, and my mother in law bought us a tv. I sound ungrateful, but truely, I do know we received some really nice things and I loved them all. I just can't remember what they were.

23. What was the worst wedding gift you got? Yep, you got it, can't remember! lol

24. Where did you go on your honeymoon? To a bed and breakfast in Salt lake. Then, six months later, we went to Alaska. That was wonderful!

25. Looking back, is there anything you would have changed about your wedding? About my wedding? No. About my wedding day? Yes. I would have liked to be surrounded with family as I got my hair done etc...Kind of like My great big fat Greek wedding. But that didn't happen. I was all by my lonesome. I don't know what the crap my sisters were doing. That did make me feel bad, but granted, my mom did die just two weeks before. We were all having a hard time.

All in all that day was fabulous. I adore Bryan even more today then I did when we married. We are very different but very alike too. The anniversary of our sealing was on Valentines day. I love that!

Are YOU an ogre?

2009-02-12T11:21:00.002-07:00

My life is exciting. It really is. There are days when I have to convince myself of that fact, but for the most part, it is.

I watched a news program this morning that talked about how a happy wife is very sexy. Husbands don't want to come home and hear about how awful their wife's day was. Men feel that their wife is an extension of them in some form, so when the wife is unhappy, it must be their fault. (On an unconscious level, of course.)

I don't doubt that this theory is true. I can't count the times my hubby has said that he just wants me to be happy.

So, I have made an effort to remember how happy I am--sometimes this takes a vast amount of effort--so that I can enjoy my life.

I really do have a great life. So why then, am I so ornery? Why do I look forward to seeing my kids after school, only to argue and bicker with them all afternoon. How can I say I adore them, yet I can't wait for them to go to bed?

I really took this to heart this week as it has been constantly on my mind. My kids don't know this, but I have been pretending that they aren't my kids, but friends of mine. I ask myself, "if I were with a girlfriend, how would I respond to whatever my kids are doing or saying?" I wanted to see if I would say or do something different than normal.

As I have done his, I have found that with my children, I am impatient, ornery, negative and irritable. I have had to face the truth because I don't want my kids growing up saying I was no fun at all.

Now this is not to say that I let them get away with murder, or get away with anything for that matter. It just means I'm trying to be nicer. Trying to make my first reaction to whatever they do or say a little more pleasant.

I remind myself of my mother. She was great in her own way, but she was ornery. A lot. At least that I remember. She battled depression, she battled rebellious teenagers, and my family didn't have much money during that time. She hated her body, hated to cook and most often tried to escape through books and alone time.

Even though she did a lot right, like make us take piano, taught us to clean, taught us to be independent and made us close, she seemed unhappy most of the time. I have found myself falling into this rut. I find myself escaping into books, or the bathtub or my writing when I could be enjoying my kids company. They really are fun kids who would love a mom to be fun back once in a while.

To sum up. I have the bad habit of being an ogre 90% of the time. It's only a habit. Habits can be changed. I'm just grateful I have been given this little vision into myself before it's too late.

Want to lose weight?

2009-02-09T14:44:00.004-07:00

I've recently had an "Ah ha!" moment. I have discovered that the way I was eating and exercising actually SLOWED my metabolism.

I was mortified! Here I have been trying to lose weight for the last couple of years and have had almost NO success, then I discover I am not only doing it wrong, but I am sabotaging my efforts!

Sigh... Well, at least I can change things.

Here is what I was doing wrong--for those of you out there doing the same thing. I figured, if I cut my calorie count down as far as I could, and not starve, I would lose weight. So most days I would actually eat a thousand calories or less. But not always. Just often enough to totally freak my body out. It decided to hold on to it's fat for dear life! This way of eating slows your metabolic rate.

The second mistake I made was with exercise. I would get on my treadmill daily, hoping to up my miles, to run longer and to lengthen my endurance. That had to burn fat, Right? WRONG!

No, when you do not eat enough calories in the right food groups, it won't matter how much you work out. Your body will hang on to it's food stores until hell freezes over!

So, I did a little researching and found a method that I have implemented that supposedly works wonders to restore a balanced metabolism. It is the 6/9 rule. Give yourself a good warm up, then run as fast as you can for six seconds, then slow down to a slow jog, or walk for nine seconds, then run for six again. Alternate until you can go no more. You only need to to this for fifteen to twenty minutes at the most. So far, I can only go for ten. The thing is, it tricks your body and will raise your metabolic rate. I can already tell it's working. Plus, I'm not as tired and have more energy because I'm eating more.

Let me tell you where I went wrong with food. In the morning I would eat just a banana, or an egg, or a yogurt and that's it. For lunch I would usually eat no more than 3oo or so calories. With a 500-600 calorie dinner, that still gave me less than a thousand a day. I thought it was genius. My body thought it was bull crap. Guess who won?

Well, the tables have turned! Now I'm on top! Woo Hoo!

My blue heaven

2009-02-06T15:35:00.005-07:00

Once again, another week has gone by. I sit here in my room enjoying the tantalizing aroma of the chicken I'm baking, and watching a Harry Potter movie--for the millionth time--with my kids.

My room is a pale blue. Very soothing and very cozy. I bought a new white Chinese lantern that now hangs in the corner, creating a soft glow. I love it. Slowly but surely, I have been turning my little sanctuary into an oasis. It has now become a safe haven for me. As soon as I cross the threshold of my bedroom, I'm in heaven.

The problem is, my kids feel the same way. By the end of the day, my room is a mess. It's used more than any other room in the house. Everyone is drawn in. On one hand, I love it. I love spending time with my kids, on the other hand, I am forever taking out dirty dishes, toys, papers, little shoes and dirty clothes.

It's not a bad trade off, I just make them empty out their stuff as the day goes by. I have a king size log bed with a beautiful white quilt with delicate blue flowers covering the top. Many a time it has visited the washing machine, yet has still held up to the abuse my kids dish out.

Sure wits I could change the forest green carpet! Yuck!

By the way, this is not a picture of my room, but it's the very same color. My room is a little smaller and not quite as fancy. Close, but not quite.

Keeping a journal

2009-02-02T11:58:00.003-07:00

Most of us know that it's a commandment to keep a journal. For those of you who are unaware, it is.

So, journal writing is something I have always struggled with. It almost feels like a waste of time. I have so many other things I'd rather be doing. Plus, writing with a pen makes my hand ache. Guess I'm getting old. So, a few years ago, I decided to print out my blog posts one month at a time, then keep them in a binder.

I figured this was as good a journal as I was going to get. My mother, bless her heart, would hopefully approve. She was an avid journal keeper. I can go back to the day I was born and read about it. I love that. I want my kids to have the same thing.

I should probably be more like my mom, making them write their entries now, on a daily basis. Personally, I hated this. I have also found, that it did not create good journal keeping habits for me. It had the reverse affect. So, in a moment of brilliance, I thought... print that baby!

I knew I was a bit behind. I was very surprised to find I was two YEARS behind in my printing! I couldn't believe it! So that is what I did this morning. I printed two years of my life so my children and grandchildren will know who I was and what I did and thought about. It felt pretty dang good.

I won!

2009-01-31T10:39:00.003-07:00

I want to thank the academy! I won Josi Kilpack's book contest! She has a new book, newly published! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Let me just fill you all in on something. It takes A LOT of work, time, research, more time, back aches, more time, carpal tunnel and more time to get a book on the shelves! For those of you who have never written a book, THIS IS HUGE!!!!!! (Yes, I am aware I am using too many exclamation points!)

You go girl! I am so happy for you but especially happy for me! he he. I love a good contest and I needed something fun to read! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!

I'm sick!

2009-01-29T08:36:00.005-07:00

I'm sick! I hate being sick! It completely disrupts my life. I feel tired, achy, and groggy from drugs. I don't sleep well, and I'm ornery. I guess I should count my blessings as this the the first time I have been sick this season. (that I can remember anyway).

So, I can't work out or go anywhere or do anything fun, but write. Which is okay I guess. I wrote about 5,000 words yesterday. My thirteen year old was also home sick from school. He was amazed how much time it takes to do research for scenes in my book. There are things I just don't know. Thank heavens for the internet.

Yesterday, I spent a while on utube watching foals being born. I have a scene in my book where I describe this wonderful event, but I wanted to have it perfect. Jake watched with me. I loved it, he thought it looked horrible. I think it was good for him. Anyway, the scene in my book turned out great

So, today I still feel like crap. I don't know if I'll take so much time writing but who knows. I think right now, I want to lay down and feel sorry for myself.

Old friends

2009-01-28T11:50:00.003-07:00

The coolest thing happened yesterday. There was a writing class at the library last night and I don't usually get to go since it's on the same night as boy scouts. My hubby and oldest son go every Tuesday.

So, there was no scouts last night. I got to go the the Stephen King discussion on the book he wrote on writing. I was so excited because I really wanted to go to this particular class.

Well, there was this guy there who had never come before. He looked vaguely familiar. He told us his first name, then we began a great discussion. There were only eight of us so it was a fun, small class. A little ways into our talking, I asked him his last name. He told us and true to my silly nature, I say, "Shut up! Brock Cheny! I can't believe it!" I got up and hugged him. I had to tell him my maiden name because he didn't recognize me either! We had been good friends in high school but haven't seen eachother for over twenty years! TWENTY YEARS! It was so cool! I was so glad I went! It was wonderful to catch up. He was one of those friends who I just loved, like a brother, ya know? So cool.

Anyway, it made my night. Now I wish I would have worn make up! He did say I look like Meryl Streep though, so I'll take that as a compliment. I have actually connected with quite a few old high school frinds lately through facebook. Love that!

No rest for the weary

2009-01-27T09:32:00.003-07:00

I've noticed a trend happening. The more I write, the messier my house is! Dang! I just have more important things to do than clean house.

I love to tease my hubby when he comes home. I say, "So, what are you making me for dinner?" He'll give me a funny look, then I say, "Hey, I have worked hard all day writing a fabulous story! I'm starved!" He laughs and we both wonder what to feed our five starving children.

So, I've had to make rules for myself. I can't write until I do at least two chores. I also have to do a bit of plumbing paperwork. I hate that part. My poor hubby comes to me--almost on a daily basis--to point out some mistake I've made on the plumbing stuff. I have informed him that he could hire a professional if he likes. I have writing to do! =)

It's a good thing he has a good sense of humor.

I also count myself blessed that I have four kids big enough to help. My thirteen year old rolls his eyes and says, "You're not working. You LIKE to be on the computer." That is true, but I hope to have money coming in one of these days because of the time I spend at the computer. I guess he thinks if it's work, you have to hate it. What does that say about the way I've raised him? I've ruined my children! =) I think I should start saving for their therapy instead of college.

So, off I go to do a couple of chores since I have obviously sat down at the computer before my allotted time! Dang! Oh well, no rest for the weary.

Pressure!

2009-01-24T14:31:00.003-07:00

I did it! I finally submitted my three "First" Chapters! Yikes! It was so scary! Every time I read through them, I kept finding things to change. I figured if I didn't submit them quick, there would be nothing left!!!!

I hope it worked, I hoped they all went, and I hope they know who submitted them! I keep thinking I made mistakes or something, but I guess it's all over now. Now I just wait and see.

I keep wondering if I submitted the stories in the right order. I'm sure I did but I keep wondering! Are they good enough to win? Did I catch all the mistakes? Did others who read them catch the mistakes? Please of please, let them be perfect!!!!! ARGGGGG! I can't take the pressure!!!

TGIF

2009-01-23T09:32:00.003-07:00

Hallelujah for Fridays! I love Friday. I need Friday. One of the things I like is knowing that the hard stuff if over for the week.

I love that Bry and I have a standing appointment on Friday nights. We never change that. At least most of the time. If we do have to change for some reason, we go out on Saturday instead. It's so easy now that we have a live in babysitter.

We pay Jake so he knows we value his time, but this also motivates him to do better. He gets a dollar tip if everyone got along and another dollar tip if the house is clean. I love it and he does a great job. He doesn't get paid as much as a regular babysitter would get, but something is better than nothing!

This morning, a friend of mine came over and we edited each others "first Chapters" for a writing contest we're entering. Every time I read mine, I see things that would be better a different way. Man, oh man. When do you stop editing? That is the hardest thing. How do you know when it's your "best"?

Oh well. I guess I'll find out someday! Hope you all have a lovely weekend!

What a life!

2009-01-20T10:44:00.003-07:00

I just watched the inauguration of President Obama. I loved it! I cried even! I hope and pray he is the one to make great things happen. I pray for the safety of his family and hope his time in the White House will be a wonderful memory when it's over.

So, I watched this little video that my sister sent me in an email. I SOBBED clear through it. It makes depression, being over weight, tired, sad, and feeling sorry for myself seem extremely shallow. Please watch it. Nick.

Now to something else fun. Last night I went with Lisa to the Depot, at the Gateway to see OAR. They are a rock band who I'd never heard of. I knew only one of their songs and I can't even tell you what it's called. Lisa had tickets so off we went.

First off, we stopped to get our hair done at the best Salon I have ever been to. The "Garden" in Bountiful. Seriously, it's amazing. We both got trims and styles and felt like movie stars by the end. My hair turned out awesome! So did Lisa's. Sorry, no pics available at this time! lol

Then we ate at Baccio's at the Gateway, one of my favorite Italian restaurants. Toward the end of our time there, in walked three of my sisters and three of my neices, plus a few other women. They'd had a girls night out to go see "Bride Wars," then out to eat. How fun to run into my family! I had been invited to their fun little shin dig but had plans of my own, obviously.

So, down the street we walked to the Depot. We get to the entrance and are asked for our tickets and ID. Lisa had forgotten her ID but we didn't worry about it as we are both perfectly aware that neither of us has a problem looking our age. (Not because we want to though)
They wouldn't let her in! They had to go get the manager and make a big deal out of it. We told them she has a son who is twently one but I guess they didn't believe us! Long story short, they let us in.

So inside we go. Everyone is drinking of course, and there are no seats. Most people were standing, watching the band. I kept thinking that any minute, someone would spill their stinky beer on me. It was remarkable, I have to say, that the place had no smell of alcohol at all. I was surprised. We looked at eachother and couldn't help but laugh. We had to be the oldest people there!

Our tired feet begged for release, so we headed upstairs to see if we could be lucky enough to find a chair. We found people our age there, although we were the only ones not drinking. We wound our way to the front, right over the stage, on the side. There were a bunch of stools lined up by the wall with no behinds sitting in them, so we snatched our chance. We couldn't see the band, as there were a group of people in front of us at the balcony, doing their thing. But that was okay.

We bought ourselves diet Coke with lime, pulled another stool in front of us for our feet, sat back and bobbed to the music.

The show in front of us became increasingly hilarious. The more the people drank, the wilder they danced. Lisa and I had a blast just people watching. There are some strange people out there, folks, and most of them were in the Depot last night!

All in all. It was very fun, it made us feel very old, but we laughed alot. We made it home, unmolested, by midnight. Woo hoo for girls night out!

The president in my house

2009-01-17T16:40:00.004-07:00

I just heard something funny and had to share!

We were just watching TV and an advertisement came of for some restaurant, I can't remember which one. So, there is this guy going from one restaurant to another telling the waiters what he wants to eat and how much he wants to pay for it. Each waiter gives a funny response.

The last waiter happens to be black. He tells the guy that he can't have what he wants for that price.

So my son, Gabe, who's four, turns to me and says, "That Barack Obama guy won't give him any dinner."

I busted up laughing. I thought it was so cute. Now all black men are Barack Obama. lol

What a night

2009-01-17T10:33:00.004-07:00

So, Lisa invited me to go see that group that sings the song where it says, "I turn the car around." I don't know the name of the group or the name of that song, but I said yes!

It doesn't start until 8:00pm on Monday night. Let me just say, I am NOT a night person. In fact, I am frequently in bed by eight, watching a relaxing show on TV before I turn it off for the night.

Bry took me to Maddox last night, where we spent entirely too much money, but we enjoyed an okay meal. The thing was, we went late. It was 8:30pm when we left the restaurant. I was absolutely dead. It felt like midnight. The point is, I'm worried about staying awake. Not to mention the drive home. Lisa, your on your own. I'm nightblind anyway.

Wyatt has a new thing he does. He uses his bottom teeth to pry open things like shampoo, soap and what ever else he can get his hands on. Last night, sitting right next to me, he somehow got a bottle of baby powder down, pried it open and proceeded to dump it all into his open mouth.

He began screaming and choking. It scared me to death. I had been right there, sitting on the bathroom counter plucking my unibrow when it happened. I hopped of the counter, grabbed Wyatt, began scraping powder out of his mouth, rinsed his mouth with water, then called poison control.

That guy said that it wasn't toxic but to watch him. He said Wyatt could throw up or keep coughing. Well, Wyatt didn't keep crying or caughing, and he never threw up. He did great. I fed him some dinner and he went about his evening as usual. His diapers, since then are another story.

How scary. Scary because of how fast it all happened. And to think I was right there "watching" him. But, all's well that ends well, right?

So, have a good day folks, and don't forget to "watch" your children. he he

Touching video

2009-01-16T11:39:00.005-07:00

My sister sent me this link in an email. It's about women, about us. It maked me cry, so I thought I'd pass it on to all of you out there who might need a good cry too! I sure love you all. Thanks for always being there for me!

For Women

Good book

2009-01-15T09:49:00.002-07:00

I'm reading a new book. It's by Julie Wright. As she is a new cyber acquaintance/friend, I thought I'd check out her work.

During my reading, what started out as semi-anylizing, soon turned to complete involvement in the story. I hate to lay it down.

I have been reading it in the tub, while I relax after my work outs (for the last few days). I find myself saying "one more chapter," while my four year old watches another half hour of Max & Ruby!

It is a wonderful story I feel immersed in. I find myself thinking about it throughout my day. I checked out this particular story because it was the only one on the book mobile at the time. Now, I want find to find all of Julie's books. Hope they're all this good! he he.

Anyway, take a gander at this story. You'll love it.

For any of you who think I'm just trying to brown nose, well, all I have to say is "nanner nanner!"

Starving

2009-01-13T16:22:00.002-07:00

My little four year old has Reactive Detachment Disorder. It's been tough, and I especially have a hard time. He was a very hard baby, but has grown into an adorable little boy. He still does things that drive me insane, but he is very cute.

One of the things he struggles with is food. As he has gotten older, it has gotten worse. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I get mad. He's constantly coming to me asking me "Why does Heidi get an apple?" Why does Seth get cheese?" etc..... At first, I would just say, "Because they wanted it. If you want it too, just ask." But he doesn't get it. He still comes to me multiple times during the day asking why so and so gets this or that. ARGGGGG!

So, I thought, "Let's try something different." I put out a plate in the morning with a large orange, an apple, a big pile of grapes and a large handful of corn chips. I told him, "These are for you! You can have anything on this plate whenever you want, all day long. Don't eat it all at once."

Can you guess what happened? Yep. He started eating at 9:30 am and by ten, it was all gone. As he was eating, I lectured him about saving some for later, and that he wasn't getting anymore. These were his snacks for the whole day. It didn't matter. (and before you wonder, yes, he gets three meals a day besides snacks)

Of course, at about 2 or 3 pm he came in asking for a snack. I told him "no." That he'd already eaten ALL his snacks. "Tomorrow, you should save some."

I felt bad, but I want him to learn a lesson here. He acts like he's always starving. Like he'll never have another meal. We did "play therapy" during the summer but it didn't make a dent in the food side of things. I hope it gets better. We'll try again tomorrow.

My nominees

2009-01-12T11:10:00.003-07:00

Lisa gave me a very sweet award! This is so appreciated and makes me feel great of course. Lisa and I have been friends for quite a while and I would have to say, I love her blog too. She doesn't write often enough for me though! Sure love you!

So, I am supposed to nominate others for this same award. So here we go.

Yolanda has become one of my dearest friends. I LOVE her blog and I would have to same the same for her that I said about Lisa. She doesn't post nearly enough! She is a strong woman who loves her family and is dedicated to her responsibilities. I love you, girl.

Sundial Josi has quickly become one of my favorites, who I check everyday. I love her posts, I love her writing. She has published like 8 or 9 novels and they are wonderful. I first started reading her books to see how good she really was. What I found were page turners that I couldn't put down. I really love her, and I admire her grit. True grit, girl. True grit. Love you.

Tash is wonderful and had the audacity to move away from me. She started her blog a while ago, but has just started keeping it up. It helps us stay in touch as I miss her dearly. She has cost me quite a bit of money in antidepressants! Although I do save money with shopping. I never go anymore! I miss you girl! I love you even more and will never forgive you for leaving!

Writing on the wall is my favorite blog about writing. I especially love Josi and Julie Wright. Actually, I really like all their posts. There are 4 or 5 published writers who post. Julie and Josi comment on my blog thought, so they are a little more special! They are wonderful! I take everything they say, plaster it in my brain and never forget it! I check this blog often. Sure love you guys.

So, there we are. There are some others I truly love too but I have to go or Gabe wont get lunch before school. They are....Jeri, Holly, Bozark, Charlotte and others. Love you all. Have a great day!

Oh, the pain!

2009-01-09T12:57:00.005-07:00

Have you ever had a rib go out of alignment? Let me just say, the agony equals labor, and I ain't a kiddin.

I picked up a basket of clean laundry (granted, it was pretty dang full) and put it on my bed. It was sudden, like a knife in my back. I still don't know what I did that brought it on. Luckily, through past trials and errors, I know my body well. I've had a rib out of alignment before.

Most people don't even know it's possible, or that it's even happened to them. They think they've just thrown their back out. Severely!

So, I made an appointment with my chiropractor, took an 800mg ibuprofin pill, and laid down to relax on a nice soft bag of frozen vegetables. Nirvana.

What a night

2009-01-07T19:45:00.003-07:00

I went to a wrestling match tonight for Jake. I missed my writing group to be there because I wanted him to know that he comes first.

I sat there for over an hour with four tired, complain/screaming children, on bleachers, surrounded by strange smelling people and an ornery baby. Jake was last on the list. LAST!!! Then, when it came to his turn, there was no one to wrestle! The other team hadn't brought enough kids and they had all wrestled two or three times already.

So, for Jake to have a turn, he had to wrestle a kid on his own team. I really tried to be supportive and happy, but deep down, way inside, I was pissed! (pardon my french)

I had missed my writing class for this! Ya, ya, I know. It was worth it for Jake blah blah blah. I adore my son, and I hope he knows that, but man!!!

By the time we came home, I was ready to sell my children on ebay! Bedtime was moved up to 7:oo and they'd better stay there! lol

Thank heavens my Wellbutrin XL came in the mail today.

A new idea!

2009-01-04T11:32:00.004-07:00

I just had a Stephanie Meyer moment! There is a time in the morning where I sleep very light. I usually have vivid dreams during this short period. I have always loved to sleep as I always have vivid dreams. It's like going to the movies for free, and I am usually the star. lol

So, I woke up at 7:00am, and thought, "Man, that was a really good dream. It would make a great book." I continued to lay there like an idiot, then had a "I could 'a had a V8" moment. Duh! I jumped out of bed, turned on the computer, and wrote it down.

In less than a half hour, I had written four pages. This has never happened to me before, where I had a dream good enough that I could conceive of developing it into a plot line with real potential.

I won't tell you what it was about, not that I think anyone would steal my idea, (of course not, that never happens) but because I want to see if it turns out as good as I think it will.

I love that feeling you get when a light bulb flashes on, and you come out with a great idea. It makes you feel like a genius! Anyway, the title I have for the story now is "The Adoption". Now, if it gets published, you'll all know you were there the morning it was born!

Oh bother!

2009-01-02T19:12:00.004-07:00

I spent New Years Eve at my sister's home. I was reluctant to go since they'd had the flu going around their home a few days before. In fact, my whole family, (Dad, sisters and all their kids) had had it. But everyone had been well for the last 2 to 3 days. So I deemed it safe and off we went.

We had a blast, of course.

Last night, Wyatt started crying at two in the morning. He had thrown up in his bed and was soaking wet. Bry put him in the tub and I got new jammies out. I put him in bed with me where he tossed and turned until 5am. I had sent Bry out at around 2:30 so he could sleep longer as he had to work all day today.

Finally, at 7:00am, I couldn't take it anymore. Wyatt never had gone to sleep, but had tossed and turned for hours. I had spent that time watching "Rocky" movies, one after another, constantly pulling Wyatt away from the edge of the bed.

I handed him off to Bry. I never did go to sleep though, because he screamed for two hours more. We finally figured out that he was dying of thirst, (duh) so we gave him some sprite, which he inhaled like a dying man.

He threw up a couple of more times during the day,but has since done a little better. Then at abound 4 or 5pm, Gabe started throwing up too. I have a bad feeling about this. My sister told me that no one was immune at her house. They'd even had flu shots and still all got sick.

Well, dang. Something to look forward to for the weekend.

Ring out, ring in.

2008-12-31T11:05:00.001-07:00

The end of the year is coming to a close. Last year, as I reflected on the past, I was so glad that I hadn't known how hard it was going to be. I feel the same way this year. I'm trying to be hopeful for the coming year, but the truth is, you just don't know what the future holds.

This year, what I'm hoping for is literary success. I am entering a "First Chapter" contest during the LDS Story Makers conference. I have two stories that I will take and let me just say, I WANT TO WIN SO BAD! Who knows? It's possible.

There will be a grand prize, then first, second and third place prizes. Of course, I want that grand prize, but I would love to make any of those places. I have learned so much this year. Just the fact that I found a new love in writing is huge, but I have written a book, (over and over! lol) Started another, got accepted to a writing course, won the Peach Day's writing contest, and have made lasting friendships with other writers that I cherish. My cup runneth over in this area of my life.

I won't even go into the "Losing weight" area.

I will say that I hope to be healthier and happier in this next year, so that I can meat each and every "growing experience" with stamina and perseverance.

I thought about making the goal to quit swearing but I need at least one sin. I don't want to be translated after all.

So my prayer is that all of us, whoever you are out there, make this year the best you can, rising to the occasion and continually picking yourselves up by the bootstraps. That's what I intend to do. Good luck and Happy New Year!

Insomnia

2008-12-30T07:45:00.000-07:00

Insomnia. Sounds like a great title for a book. He he. But it can be a cruel taskmaster too. All my life I was a good sleeper. As a kid, I never woke up for anything. A rock band could be performing in the next room and I wouldn't know it.

As I have aged, I've become like my mother who was a very light sleeper. It used to be so frustrating as a kid, because on Saturday mornings I loved to watch cartoons, and guess where the family room with the TV was. Yep, above mom's room. She could hear a pin drop from miles away. She had radar that the Russian subs would covet.

Now, here I am, in the same boat. In the last three months it has become terrible. I can fall asleep easily, but not stay there unless I take something. I know insomnia goes hand in hand with depression, which we have already decided is a temporary resident in my head. I have started taking Wellbutrin, and am still trying to decide if I like it, but it is helping. I still have insomnia though.

I have taken Melatonin which works to a degree but leaves me feeling twitchy and groggy in the morning. Especially now that I am taking Wellbutrin. I took AdvilPM for a while and I really liked that. I tried AmbienCR but my insurance wont pay for it so once the samples were gone, too bad. The doc did prescribe regular Ambien, but it doesn't work. The doc also gave me another drug which isn't even FOR sleeping. It's some heavy duty antidepressant I've never heard of, and it made me feel terrible and I didn't sleep. Oh, and get this, Wellbutrin causes insomnia! I just can't quit laughing about that! (At least I can still have a sex life!)

I skip taking something every so often to try and clear my system, but I just can't go without sleep day after day. I have made an appointment with a hypnotherapist and am hoping that it will work since nothing else has. You start to get desperate, you know?

I'll let you know what happens, if anything does! Like sleep. The things we do to sleep. Poor Heath. I feel so sad about that. He just wanted to sleep. I SO know that feeling!

Merry Christmas Eve!!

2008-12-24T10:58:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note to wish you all a Merry Christmas! We here are wrapping gifts, and getting excited to visit family. We are loving the snow. There is nothing better than a white Christma,s and as far as I know, a HUGE snow storm will hit us on Christmas Day! Yay!

If that does happen, I think we'll stay home. I don't want to drive in that! I think I will like a day of actually staying home with just my little family. In 14 years of marriage, we never have, so I kind of hope the weather is terrible! lol

I love my Neil!

2008-12-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

This is it! Tonight is the big night! I get to see Neil Diamond in person for the first time! Ya, it may be cheesy but I have loved Neil since I was a kid.

The only problem is that there is a huge snow storm hitting the Wasatch Front today, but don't worry, that doesn't stop me. I know how to drive in the snow. It's the other crazies I worry about. But I'm careful. I drive slow and leave huge spaces between me and other cars. I wish I had a more rugged "snow" kind of car.

I'll tell you all about it when I get back. Luckily, I have family down there. There's no way I'd drive home!

Line upon line

2008-12-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

It continues to surprise me how much I still learn on a day to day basis. Things about my kids, my husband, about being a mother and all the other little things we learn as we go through our day. But lately, in my writing.

The lessons I love are the big ones. It seems we resist certain things, thinking we know best. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. I'm a wonderful resister, but when I do that, I think of the saying, "What you resist, persists." So true, so true.

I have been writing my book, "The Guitar" on a daily basis. I am writing it in first person but wanted to add perspective from another character in third person. Most published writers and agents would tell you to pick a perspective as stay there. I resisted. I thought I needed that third person perspective to make my book better. How will people know what is going on otherwise?

So, now I humbly admit, through trial and error, practice and learning, I have deleted those chapters. (I actually moved them to a file where I save deleted sections of books I write) I have found that I can write this book and have it be even better if I do it like a professional. Funny huh? Anyway, I am really excited with the changes I've made and I think it will be even better now.

So, the moral of the story is.....be pliable. Be able to bend, adapt, and try something you are uncomfortable with. Try something new, teach yourself a new trick. It is possible for us old dogs to learn, you know.

It's official!

2008-12-17T12:58:00.001-07:00

I have registered for the LDS Storymakers conference in April! WOOO HOOO!
I'm on my way! I also signed up for a Pitch session with Lisa Mangum who looks for new stories for Shadow Mountain and Deseret Book! I can't wait! This is my chance! I also plan to enter the first chapter contest, go the the Whitney Awards dinner, swim in the pool, meet new people, and make lasting friendships.

I have a feeling that this is one of those opportunities that can change my life.

So, an update on my psychosis! lol I went to the doctor, he prescribed me Wellbutrin, (because that is the one that sounded best to me and I have tried various others in the past and didn't like them), went to fill it and my insurance wants to charge me $80.00! And that is for the generic brand! I don't think so.

So I will take your advice, try the Bio-35, and hope it works wonders. The doctor did say he considered me only mildly to moderately depressed. Hmmm. That's good I guess. So, I'll let you know what happens. Oh, by the way, I called my insurance company, and they said that the eighty bucks was part of my prescription deductible. ARGGGGG! That's all I have to say about that. Don't want to use any four letter words after all.

Are you SAD?

2008-12-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

This is the time of year I least like. I think I may have SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have always had a hard time during the winter, not to mention my closest friend just moved to Ohio, my knee and foot throb in pain when I run, our finances are tight,and I have a messy house that no one wants to help clean unless I yell and scream, and a host of other things.

Insomnia, wight gain, sadness, irritability, low energy or fatigue, difficulty concentrating, memory loss. I have had all of these symptoms in the last couple of months on a regular basis.

I didn't want to admit that I'm broken (to a degree), due to a stubborn nature, but I am human too. In fact, I went to my doctor last week because I knew there was something wrong. He tested for Diabetes, thyroid problems, and I don't know what else. It turns out that everything is normal. Hmmm. He wanted me to take a depression questionnaire which I flatly refused to do. (politely, of course) I was not depressed. Depression is for poor, white trash, right? (harsh, but many people think that way) Now I know thats not true. My mother suffered from depression, but that is what we are taught now a days, right? That depression is something we choose? That if we are depressed, we need to get over it. Learn to deal with life. Quit feeling sorry for ourselves.

A part of me always thinks that, even though I know it's not true. I automatically think, there is nothing wrong with me. I can deal with my problems, I don't need a band aid.

Well, I think maybe I do, I guess. For a little while anyway. And before anyone starts offering all sorts of advice, I already exercise on a regular basis, (When my knee and foot let me, that's another thing I'm depressed about! ha ha), I've tried all sorts of natural remedies, self hypnosis, prayer etc... Sometimes, you just need drugs! lol I'll probably use something until spring. I do so much better in the sunshine. I need to get to a tanning booth, I think. Cancer or depression. What a toss up.

Chaos!!!!!

2008-12-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

Socks under the coffee table, pajamas under the kitchen table, backpacks thrown on the couch. Coats on the stairs, forgotten dishes in the kitchen, dirty socks on the bathroom floor. Missing ornaments from the tree. Clean laundry falling out of the basket, waiting to be folded. Curling irons, brushes, combs, empty toilet paper rolls lying forlornly next to the bath tub.

Uhgggg! Can't someone else clean up once in a while? Shoes everywhere, half drunk baby bottles, piano music on the floor, Wii controllers strewn about, unmade beds! Doesn't this bother anyone but me?

Pee, poop, pee, poop. Can't someone besides me clean up after the damn dogs?!

Sorry. But in case you haven't noticed, I'm surrounded by chaos, and today, it's getting to me.

Yea for Stephen King

2008-12-10T08:43:00.000-07:00

Stephen King. I really like him. I went through a phase where I read almost all of his stories. My husband had to talk me into reading my first one. His books were where I'd drawn the line, even though I'd never read a word he'd written. But Bry brought home "The Talisman", told me it was great, and that it wasn't scary at all.

Finally, when I'd run out of things to read in the house, I picked up that book. It was a riveting story, not a scary thing in it, and I was hooked.

I'm reading a book he wrote not too long ago called, "On Writing". Yep, he wrote a book about writing, and can I just say, it is a page turner too. I love it. I love his style, his sarcasm, his humor. I don't love some of the colorful language he uses but I do like everything else.

He talks about how as a child, he always loved the scary movies and stories. I have always been the same way. Not gory, but the kind that make your eyes water. That's my physical response, and no, I'm not crying. I just get this eye watering thing going when I'm scared. I love it!

Anyway, I have learned quite a bit about writing from reading his book. It's the book my writing class is reading, and we'll discuss it in January. So if you're looking for something good to read, check out one of his books. You just may love it!

So, there it is. A shout out for Stephen King. Just a normal guy like the rest of us. Who woulda thunk it?

The Guitar

2008-12-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

I have started a new book, and I have to admit, I love it! It amazes me how much better I have become with my writing. What they say is true, if you do it, you'll improve. This new story is more for adults, where my first book was more for kids.

It's about a beautiful guitar that's cursed. It seduces it's owners into believing they can't live without it. That they need it to be successful. Like a drug. It gives them what they most want at the time but destroys their world without them even knowing it.

The main character is a musician that falls right into the guitar's trap. The guitar can't be burned or destroyed, so the story is of the woman, how she finds the guitar, and how she escapes the terrible web she gets caught in. There's romance, betrayal, mystery, murder....all that good stuff.

Does it sound good? Would you want to read it and find out what happens? I hope so!

#1 song on the day you were born.

2008-12-05T15:23:00.000-07:00

This was really fun! I got this in an email but thought you all would enjoy it too.

Go to this website to see what song was number one on the day you were born. Mine was "Momma told me not to come" by Three Dog Night. I hope that title isn't true!! =)

Anyway, click on your month and then your day and the years to choose from will pop up! Let me know in comments how it turned out! Love you all!

http://www.joshhosler.biz/NumberOneInHistory/SelectMonth.htm

What do you think?

2008-12-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

I have a question for you out there. Do you think rock music is wholesome and if not, is it detrimental? I was just thinking about this because I have a couple of new favorites. I have listened to their music for a while but they have just taken the forefront in what I like. They are Beyonce and Nickleback, well, and Pink too. So I was sitting here at my computer rocking out and I looked over at my four year old and he was rocking out too. It made me laugh.

My parents hated rock and still do. So it got me thinking. Would I listen to Nickelback or Pink if the prophet were in the room? Umm, NO! So, what does this mean? Is this a "caffeine" discussion? One of those topics that walks a thin line?

Now, I must not think it's too bad because I have no intention of stopping my rocking anytime soon! Dang! So what does that mean? Am I destined to always be a sinner? Be rebellious? Caffeine is bad for your body. What is bad for your spirit? I often think of that scripture where is says, "I would give all my sins to know thee." Hmm. Would I? I'm not sure.

What kind of person says that? One who likes his sins, I guess. At least I know I won't roast in hell alone. Lisa and Yolanda will be there with me! =)